True Happiness

Happiness, to me is an outward expression of an inward emotion. True happiness is letting the joy, fear, hope, and sadness of life flow from the inside outward. It’s raw but its real and that’s what makes it beautiful.

Our spiritual journey does not start with a clean slate. We carry with us a prepackaged set of values and preconceived ideas which, unless confronted and redirected, will soon scuttle our journey, or else turn it into pharisaism, the occupational hazard of religious and spiritual people.

The developmental character of human life has become much better known in the last hundred years, and it has enormous implications for the spiritual journey. Our personal histories are computerized, so to speak, in the bio-computers of our brains and nervous systems. Our memory banks have on file everything that occurred from the womb to the present, especially memories with strong emotional charges.

We may not remember the events of early childhood, but the emotions do. When events occur later in life that resemble those once felt to be harmful, dangerous, or rejecting, the same feelings surface. The human heart is designed for unlimited happiness - for limitless truth and for limitless love - and nothing less can satisfy. We travel down various roads that promise happiness but can't provide it because they are only partial goods. Since the emotional programs from early childhood are already in place, our search for happiness in adult life tends to be programmed by child-like expectations that cannot possibly be realized.

We come now to the heart of the problem of the human condition. Jesus addressed this problem head-on in the gospel. What was his first word when beginning his ministry? "Repent." To repent is not to take on afflictive penances like fasting, vigils, flagellation or whatever else appeals. It means to change the direction in which you are looking for happiness.

Are you out of control with the daily drama of the Dow (DJI)?

Often fear originates in our mind because, as much as we try, we have little control over the future. And, the future is where we tend to look for our security, seeking the assurance that everything will be all right. The illusion is that we have control over many variables in our daily life and that seems to make us feel better, at least temporarily. However, we really have no control over anything, other than our next breath and our next thought.

I know of very few people who are not being severely affected by the economic roller coaster roaring through Wall Street and into our daily lives-it is, without doubt, a very frightening ride; the fear of loss and being out of control is palpable. Since the financial meltdown of 2008 I have been observing how the ups and downs of the stock market affect people’s sense of well-being. In some regards the Dow Jones Index (here in after, I’ll just call it Dow) is similar to a barometer that reports the amount of fear pulsating through the collective consciousness. In the financial industry they actually make a practice of measuring these pulsations using a gauge called the VIX (Volatility Index). It is often referred to as the fear index or the fear gauge because it represents one measure of the market's expectation of stock market volatility over the next 30 days. Talk about forecasting our future based on the energy of fear and expectation of loss. The result is, for many, the Dow is like a “reverse” biofeedback device that, rather than detecting how we are feeling, tells us how we should be feeling each day; when the Dow is up it gives us cause to feel good - when the Dow is down it gives us cause to feel a bit down as well. Metaphorically speaking this is like the tail wagging the dog. No wonder we feel so out of control.

If the drama of the Dow has got you feeling down... and up... and down, it is safe to say you are not alone. What is happening on the Wall Street (and in Washington DC, as well as around the world) stirs up our fears because it brings us to the very edge of not knowing what the future holds reminding us that we are not nearly as much in control of our lives we think we are. What I do know is this: While we may not have control over the dramatic events unfolding before our eyes, we have absolute control of what is going on behind our eyes. In other words, we can choose to either respond or react to the mystery of the moment and that choice will determine how we experience the roller coaster ride. The primary reason the drama of the Dow is so volatile is that the system is hardwired to operate reactively, triggered by the fear and the perception of loss rather than faith and expectation of increase. How do you perceive life in this moment? Self-inquiry is a sound spiritual practice you might want to employ as you take a look at how you approach life today. Are you mindlessly and fearfully reacting to or mindfully and faithfully responding to what you see and hear on the six-o’clock news? It’s never too late to change how you perceive what is. (You may want to read a couple of postings I made recently on my Facebook page – on 1. Perceptions – URL: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=254789771212592&set=a.158130517545185.36519.100000447132850&type=1&theater  and 2. Mindfullness - URL: https://www.facebook.com/notes/drsurya-m-ganduri/mindfulness/197322030327608.)

The primary difference between mindfully responding as opposed to mindlessly reacting is that by responding we create an intentional gap (or space) in time and mind where we can breathe and pull ourselves out of the future and anchor ourselves in the present moment long enough to become the detached observer of our own thoughts and feelings before we say or do anything. The “response gap” is a sacred space whereby hitting the emotional “pause button” we consciously create an opening for the presence of the Divine to be revealed within us. Will seeing the drama of the Dow through the eyes of Infinite Intelligence give us more control over the uncertainties of the stock market? Not necessarily, but it will absolutely give us control over our own thinking process in the present moment which is our only true point of power. When we are present in the moment we are led to make clear minded choices which can include the mindfulness practice of knowing what and when to let go of that which causes us to suffer.

Reconciling what we have control over and what we don’t have control over is the first step to making peace with what is. There always has been and shall continue to be the metaphoric roller coaster rides in life, be it the stock market, the weather, or any of the other millions of variables over which we really have no control. Perhaps there is greater wisdom than we know in the ancient saying, “This too shall pass.” It’s true - anything that has a beginning must also have an end, including the current cycle of economic uncertainty. That awareness may take a bit of the power away from those who worship the god of the VIX.

If the drama of the Dow has you feeling down and a bit out of control, gently guide yourself back to the remembrance of the Divine Essence from which you came, which  is also the ultimate source of all that is. You are one with the source of your good so focus on what you do have control over - your next breath and your next thought. May it be one that brings you peace in this moment... after all, it’s really all there is, so why not breathe and enjoy the ride.

Science and Spirituality

Researchers of every age and branch of science are beginning to conclude that we participate more than we currently believe in creating our own health, or lack thereof.  Here is an overview of some of their research.

“All matter is energy”

 Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

“Treating humans without concept of energy is treating dead matter”

Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, M.D. Hungary, Nobel Laureate (1893- 1986)

“Future medicine will be based on controlling energy fields.”

Prof. William Tiller, Ph.D. (Stanford University)

“Diseases are to be diagnosed and prevented via energy field assessment.”

George Crile Sr., M.D., Founder of the Cleveland Clinic (1864-1943)

“Body chemistry is governed by quantum cellular fields.”

 Prof. Murray Gell-Mann, Nobel Laureate, USA

“All living organisms emit field.”

Semyon D. Kirlian, U.S.S.R. (1900-1980)

What is being demonstrated today in quantum physics is not a new thought, although sophistication in experimental design and research has given these older concepts new standing in science and is slowly trickling down into how the medical community views and treats disease.

New brain research, for example, has demonstrated that the placebo effect is not purely a psychological phenomenon as previously thought.

In fact it has shown just the opposite; that a patient’s beliefs stimulate the brain to manufacture a wide variety of bio-chemicals that impact the health of the body.

What people take to be miracles are nothing more than higher laws hidden from us. Scientists are coming to realize that this universe is not as solid as we thought it was. Matter is vibrating energy that appears to the physical eye as solid. Performing miracles is nothing more than tapping into energy and manipulating it by power of thought and spirit.

Medicine today is slowly evolving towards a more holistic approach to healing. A lot is being said about the mind-body connection - of healing the body by healing the mind. Meditation as a way to reduce stress and eliminate stress-related illnesses is being explored.

Quantum physicist Ervin Lazlo writes in the emerging concept of the new sciences that there is no separation between the physical world, the living world, and the world of mind and consciousness. 

Physical matter is vanishing as a fundamental feature of reality, retreating before energy. In this emerging concept there is no absolute matter, only matter-generating energy field.

Albert Einstein postulated that everything seen boils down to energy; that the atom was not the smallest unit comprising physical matter. He further stated that at the subatomic level there is no substance, only energy frequency.

This theory is widely accepted today in the scientific community and is consistent with other researchers in the emerging field of “energy medicine” who have postulated that you cannot have a disease that originates from substance, because at the deepest level there is no substance.

There is no totality of human experience in science as it includes only a part of human experience. Spirituality extends to supra-intellectual and other subtle planes of human consciousness as it denotes the pursuit of knowledge for the Infinite and Immutable which is beyond the ephemeral world of duality. Its domain is not only of matter but also of human life, feelings, emotions and consciousness.

For modern science, the center of gravity is outside of man himself; he is simply being treated as an object. Though science has wiped out many of his fears and uncertainties, it has also helped create in him new fears and uncertainties. This is possible only because he is ignorant of his inner self.

Spirituality is a science of values; the pivotal point on which depends the progress and survival of mankind. Experience or ‘anubhava’ is the only true source of knowledge. Belief and faith are spontaneous when one is made to experience what is sought to be taught or preached.

Scientists are not receptive to spirituality because it is not taught as a science of experience. A genuine mystic will fire the scientist’s intellect by the divine light of ‘atman’, which alone opens the door of inward search and tuning. He will then understand that we are a microcosm with the entire macrocosm within us. The outside world is only a manifestation of the immense world within.

Some of the greatest scientists have attributed their sparks of genius to spiritual inspiration. 

"I assert that cosmic religious experience is the strongest and the noblest driving force behind scientific research," ~ Albert Einstein.

Innovators have often confessed that their ideas were the result of some kind of "divine" inspiration. Some people live only to gratify their own desires and wants. But those who come in contact with a higher power discover that the greatest purpose of our life is to love and serve others. Scientists, for instance, devote their lives to better the lives of others. Thus, we find that the mission of both scientists and spiritual masters is one and the same. They are both here to find the hidden laws of nature, the higher power that created everything, and use their discoveries to better the lives of others.

Science and spirituality make for a mutual partnership. If those engaged in science spend some time in silence, looking within, they will get inspired to find answers to the questions they ask. Similarly, spiritual seekers, when they test hypotheses in the laboratory of their own body and soul, will find the answers.

So, one can safely conclude that science and spirituality are two sides of the same coin. The aim of science is to uncover the deepest spiritual truths, and the aim of spirituality is to search for the cause behind scientific fact.

Science seems to be in a perpetual state of believing it has the truth, despite its history of changing paradigms. This failure to accept the idea of "mysteries" is inexplicable, because there will always be a great mystery out there waiting to be discovered. The Universe is not so small, nor so simple as to lend itself to total analysis by a logical science. This does not diminish the value of science, but simply places it in an appropriate perspective. Science provides one type of insight into the workings of the universe, but not the only insight. The arts certainly provide another route to knowledge, and mysticism provides yet another. The combination of logical science (western science) and analogical science (science of correspondence) can help us to understand our role in the universe, and to appreciate the universe as the extraordinary multifaceted phenomena it truly is.

We live in the most intellectual culture that the world has ever seen. Yet our religions offer very little in the way of intellectual appeal, unable to successfully bridge this gap. Too often those who claim to represent spirituality in fact do not. This all too frequently turns people away from any consideration of the spiritual path, and leads many to believe that religion has nothing to offer. The techniques utilized by the science of correspondence offers considerable intellectual stimulation, and, if successful, eventually leading to a personal experiential understanding of spirituality. Ultimately, the transformation process which allows consciousness on the level of the spirit (the sambhogakaya – the body of bliss, or the body that experiences the fruits of Buddhist practice, the ananda-maya-kosa – the spiritual bliss) is the process of the spiritual path.

Today in the western world and elsewhere, too often one is told to have faith, and not to question. Ultimately, at some juncture, one may require a leap of faith, but that leap comes after years of pursuing and questioning, eradicating oneself of doubt. True spirituality requires questioning as does true science. One must not be deluded into believing one 'believes' when one does not and one still has many unanswered questions. Too often our 'spiritual' leaders cannot answer our questions because they have not had a spiritual awakening themselves and therefore discourage the asking of questions, telling one to have faith. This truly discourages a scientific mind, and can encourage a fanaticism, and fanaticism is not true religion, is not spirituality.

In the present technological world, while science is primarily logical in nature, the true spiritual perspective is primarily metaphorical in nature. Here, we need to keep in mind that these metaphors produce higher truths, and logic produces lesser truths. The science of correspondence is quite unlike our logical science. It takes us in a different direction and yields unique information about the nature of mankind and the universe. The science of correspondence has an aesthetic quality to it, is inclusive of all systems, is humbling, often appearing simple and naïve from our technological point of view, and tends toward long term solutions and a quality of patience. In essence, the science of correspondence appears to be more experiential in nature, producing direct knowledge of that which is being studied. This presents an apparent conflict with science - a difficult hurdle to overcome, since science is intellectual in nature, believing that intellectual understandings are supreme and free of bias or superstition. Science does not in the least trust direct experiential or intuitive knowing. In fact the only statement traditional science has made about "experience" is "don't trust it".

Although the end pursuit of science appears to be an intellectual comprehension of the universe, the science of mysticism is primarily involved with a direct knowledge of some ultimate reality, experience, etc., knowledge or wisdom which cannot be comprehended intellectually and therefore MUST BE DIRECTLY EXPERIENCED. It's a journey we must ultimately make on our own, hopefully with experienced teachers to guide us.

In the minds of many people spirituality is seen as unscientific, and thus as a load of babble that does not actually mean anything. After all, it cannot be proven scientifically speaking, and thus can only be wrong. No amount of math, or physics for that matter, can show the concepts proclaimed by spiritual people, so why even bother? I would not say that I am a highly spiritual person, neither particularly religious. However, I do believe in certain aspects of spiritual teachings, and at the same time, call myself a man of science. How can that be?

After studying several different scientific methods, as well as several spiritually inclined methods, for change and exploring the power of the mind, I have come to realize that both, spirituality and science are metaphors. A metaphor is defined as “an indirect comparison between two or more seemingly unrelated subjects”. So science is our metaphor for what we think is really happening, when in actual fact of the matter, we are only interpreting results and speculating anyway.

Furthermore, spirituality is often said to be quite in-congruent within itself, hence it cannot be taken seriously. Well, not to defend this, but let’s look at science. Newtonian physics might work well for explaining the things we can see with the human eye, big objects, and stars. Yet, on a quantum level, Newtonian physics is useless, and we enter the domain of quantum physics. These two mindsets and mathematical rules do not fit with each other. When combined, they give nonsensical predictions. So science within itself is in-congruent!!

Any metaphor has its application, and also its inbuilt boundaries. Yet we try to stretch certain metaphors to explain virtually everything, and thus go beyond their limits. This is true for science and also for spirituality. Each metaphor has its application and use, and as such we should make full use of them. The really intriguing question is what is your own metaphor or that of your friends, co-workers, because at the end of the day, all we do is live in our metaphors, and as you know, everything is a metaphor.

Connecting Science and Spirituality

I believe that it is possible to connect science with spirituality in meaningful ways that do no injustice to science or religion. The first and most obvious connection between the two is in a shared attitude towards truth. The spiritual seeker and the dedicated scientist are both concerned with universal truths that transcend cultural and physical relativities. For science these are called Laws of Nature. For the spiritual seeker these eternal truths are also known as the Laws of Nature.

Commitment to truth is well known in the scientific community but it is equally important for the spiritual seeker. "What is truth?” asked the 13^th century German mystic, Meister Eckhart. "Truth is something so noble that if God could turn aside from it, we could keep the truth and let God go", defined the 20^th century Swami Budhananda.

Is not Meister Eckhart's commitment to truth so appropriate for scientific investigation that any scientist would be pleased to emulate it? These are some basic connections that link science and spirituality in ways that perhaps do not build a marriage or a bridge, but do initially indicate the absence of a bottomless divide.

The present holistic approach can, however, be taken many steps further by asking some questions about the nature of science and of the scientific experience. What then is science? It seems that science is more an attitude than a method.

The attitude is one of testing interpretations of observed phenomena against further observations until one interpretation emerges as the best. Unfortunately, judgments about the best interpretation vary greatly.

To see science more as an attitude than a method is to find some small expansion of the conventional objective methods of science. Such as: controlled conditions, repeatability, falsifiability, predictability, quantification, control groups and location. These are non-core features of science even though they are frequently important.

The Gap

If science is an attitude rather than a method then the attributes of this subjective attitude should form the character of the scientific experience, the second question referred to above. The scientific experience is an experience normally seen to involve the so-called 'gap' between the physical world 'out there' and the world of thought 'in here'. If this gap does exist, as assumed by most science, then science and spirituality can never be strongly linked. If on the other hand, there is no gap then scientific experience will simply be a feature of subjectivity and a significant barrier preventing interconnection will be removed.

Today we tend to talk in terms of subjective experience rather than human sensibilities or transcendental apperception. But whatever terms we use, all investigations will lead to the conclusion that this framework is integrated and not divided. In other words, the processes of observation and of concept formation are entirely integrated. Nowhere is there a division between what can be called an inner and an outer world. The lack of evidence for such a gap, yet the continual assumption in scientific investigation that such a gap exists, reflects the problem of bridging science and spirituality.

Both science and spirituality come within the framework of human sensibility - of subjective experience - and this means that science is produced by the same general subjective processes as spirituality. To make the cohesion of this framework more apparent we need to take a broad look at the medium which links both science and spirituality. This is the medium of meaning. Both science and spirituality create meaning, and meaning is the ever present medium of subjective experience. The critical question at this junction is therefore, what do we mean by the term 'meaning'?

Scientific investigation is always about the meaning of something. This is the case in physics, chemistry, biology as well as the social sciences. While most practitioners in these fields may not see themselves as using and creating meaning; this is overwhelmingly what is happening. The kind of activity which is seen to occur between and within matter - particles, cells, tissue, organs, plants, animals, populations and the languages of these fields - is only the derivative signs of life. It is the meaning 'of something', created by the interaction of stable systems of relations, systems that are called, particles, cells, tissue and so on.

If life in the universe is to be found in the fundamentally relations of morphic fields, and in a derivate sense as the signs of life (through the interactions of forms within these fields), then the obvious conclusion to draw from all this is that the universe is alive at every level and in every substance and in every time and in every space. This conclusion comes from the logic that relations are omnipresent in the universe and this leads on to the inevitable conclusion that the agency of life, which is the force of formless meaning, is omnipresent in the universe. In other words, the visible universe exists within an infinite morphic field and so has meaning and consciousness at every point in space/time.

Consciousness

'Life' is a term with strong biological connotations while 'consciousness' is a term that has both psychological and spiritual uses. Life and consciousness come together however, in the present use of the meaning of meaning. It is proposed that meaning, in its fundamental and formless role has energy, force and agency. The nature of this energy and agency is consciousness.

The symmetry of meaning and consciousness implies that consciousness is the vital force that occupies the subjective field in which signs interact, scientific undertakings emerge and spirituality develops. In this view, signs, science and spirituality are features of consciousness and can be studied in terms of their relational architecture rather than exclusively and formally in their own separate terms. This means that consciousness is best analyzed as meaning which in turn is best studied in terms of relations.

The symmetry of meaning and consciousness also provides support for the proposition that meaning is not a shadow generated by the interaction of signs (as traditionally assumed). Meaning itself has movement, force, energy, and agency - consciousness. This is the same dynamic power which the Indian mystical philosophy of Vedanta calls ‘sakti.’ These are also the features we call life and thus being. Meaning therefore constitutes being-ness. A change of meaning will always represent a change of being-ness but it is also a change of consciousness.

What is interesting about this morphic field of consciousness (being-ness) is that it is infinitely expansive, which is to say that nothing exists outside meaning. In other words, nothing exists outside of consciousness. If this is true then the context of subjective experience, in which science occurs, is situated within the movement, force and agency of the ultimate reality of being-ness, that is, within the formless, morphic field of the meaning of meaning. From a spiritual position the ultimate reality is usually assumed to be God or cosmic consciousness. Enlightened souls such as Sri Ramana Maharshi often use the term 'the Self' to refer to this ultimate reality.

Famous for his methods of self inquiry, Sri Ramana Maharshi had this to say about this spiritual relationship: “The only permanent thing is Reality; and that is the Self. You say 'I am', 'I am going', 'I am speaking', 'I am working', etc. Hyphenate 'I am' in all of them. Thus I - AM. That is the abiding and fundamental Reality. This truth was taught by God to Moses: 'I AM that I AM'. 'Be still and know that I - AM God'. So 'I - AM ' is God.”

'I - AM' is the ultimate self-referral which it is possible to speak. The realized meaning of this self-referral implies a state of consciousness beyond words, a formless state of meaning beyond thought, a state of 'no-mind', a state of being where the individual self expands into the cosmic Self. This is a state of stillness beyond the defenses of the ego where meaning rests with the infinite and eternal symmetry of that stream of consciousness which 'I - AM'.

The evidence of formless symmetry within language, within non-conscious subjectivity, within love and throughout the entire universe at every point in space/time tells us that there are no gaps between inner and outer worlds because there is not inner or outer world. There is only one, undivided, interconnected, formless, unmoved agency of cosmic consciousness. The differences we see are the differences created by the derivative meaning of forms, the apparent relative autonomy of which has itself been created by the agency of formless meaning. We are therefore already connected to each other and to the environment without the need for conscious design. What is needed is a conscious design to re-learn about what is already there - to learn about coming home to what is already there.

The Bridge

The bridge connecting science and spirituality rests on a common view and commitment to truth that is beyond cultural relativities. The structure of this bridge is provided by subjective experience which is the context for both spiritual observance and scientific endeavor.

The gap between science and spirituality is now closed, for the scientist who seeks after symmetry walks a parallel path to the spiritual seeker who yearns for Self-realization. The scientist looks outwards to trace the origins of the universe to the symmetry that lies beyond matter. The spiritual seeker looks inwards to the silence of the recursive symmetries of Self-realization. While the paths are different, the goal of realizing the oneness of symmetry is the same for both seekers.

This concludes the series of articles on the Eleven Dimensions of Self Awareness and Balancing the Wheel of Life. From next week onwards, I will be writing more on the spiritual aspects of life interspersed with additional articles on how the advances in science are bringing together both the science and spirituality ever more closely. I hope you will continue to read these articles and/or forward to your friends/family that you think will like and add value to their lives. Namaste!

11 Dimensions of Self Awareness - Trouble Balancing Life?

Part 3 of the Series

There are relationship, career, personal interest, family and social demands… all screaming for attention in our life. Each of us has the same amount of time available to us as we begin a new day. Twenty four hours to use or abuse as we see fit. There never seems to be enough.

Many people live with daily frustration unable to manage some or all of the dimensions of Wheel of Life effectively. They are anxious, troubled and often angry at the relentless passage of time that is insensitive to their wishes, demands, frustrations and goals.


Many of these people feel stuck, have given up, or have settled, thinking, this is just the way it is, and has to be. They see themselves as a pawn to the demands and expectations to one or more areas of their life therefore, robbing themselves of the pleasure and happiness that is available to everyone who has learned to live with balance.


These people are out of balance, and they know it. They are puppets on a string waiting for the next tug that pulls them this way or that. They feel like their life is out of control. They feel stuck. They see themselves with very few options. They don't realize that the choices they make, or have made in the past, determine their next options. Poor choices in the present result in fewer future options. Yes, we all, always have choices, but if these choices are made with a narrow vision of what can be, an unclear picture of reality, or clouded perceptions and interpretations of people and circumstances, they will always be made with limited resources and understanding.


These people remain stuck. Some have moved on in some area of their life, but they still feel unable to shed the feelings of anxiety that there is more to do, more to become, more to have, and more to learn, and not enough time to do it.


There are several major areas in a person’s life that demand a portion of their available time. They are: family, career or business, social, personal development, spiritual development, physical development, personal interests or hobbies, friends, misc. social activities, and let's not forget time to sleep and eat.


Is it possible to live a balanced life? Is it possible to satisfy the expectations either from ourselves or the outside world, on how we should be using our time? Is it possible to have it all? Become it all? Do it all? See it all? Learn it all? Read it all? No, it's not that kind of world.


So we are back to choosing. How each of us chooses to use or spend our time is a very individual matter. Juggling the expectations of a boss, customers, a spouse, children, parents, friends, siblings, and the world in general is a difficult and delicate task at best. No one has an answer, or easy formula to this very difficult life issue. You will not find an answer in this article. What I hope you will find, however is some insight or self-discovery as to why you are feeling as you are and the courage to modify any behavior or attitudes that are sabotaging one or several areas of your life.


You may have noticed that when one area of your life is out of harmony or balance that it impacts every other area as well. When you are devoting too much time (and only you know what is too much) to your career, every other aspect of your life is impacted. Every aspect of your life is intricately entwined with every other area. If you choose to devote no time to your personal growth, you will lack skill, understanding or wisdom that could contribute positively to some other aspect of your life. By the same token, if you spend time regularly relaxing or meditating, it could help you find the patience or calmness that you will bring to your career or family issues.


Why do people get out of balance?


There are a number of causes that include but are not limited to:


Unrealistic goals or a lack of goals, lack of planning, a need for approval and/or acceptance, inadequate personal growth, over estimation of abilities or skills, the inability to say no, the desire to please, lack of discipline, arrogance, greed, insensitivity, lack of spiritual development, un-managed ambition, the need for power, un-checked egos, lack of commitment and a lack of congruence or integrity. It’s a hefty list. I would guess that everyone who is out of balance in their life is guilty of several of these. However, it only takes one.


Being out of balance in life doesn't feel good. We often feel like the special people in our lives are being cheated. What you might not realize is that you may from time to time cheat your children, friends or a spouse, but you are always cheating yourself when no matter where you are, who you are with or what you are doing, you wish you were with someone else or doing something else.


Life is lived in the present, one moment at a time. It is not lived yesterday or tomorrow, but now. Every time you make a decision to spend time in a certain way, like passing time reading this article, you have eliminated all other choices of time use now. Once you decide to go to a movie, you have eliminated the options of dinner, dancing, golf and so on. Once you decide to work late you have chosen to sacrifice something else. I don't mean to be funny, but you can't be in two places at once. You can't be on vacation and at work too, although many people try. Once you choose one restaurant for dinner you have eliminated all others for that meal.


People need to understand that they have choices, and that the choices they make and the consequences that come with them are a part of the bargain. Frustration sometimes sneaks into people's lives when they believe it is possible to break the rules and have it all, do it all or become it all.


You chose your career and life path. You chose your current relationship. You chose your current circumstances by the previous choices you have made. You made them for you. Even if you are in a career that was chosen for you by your parents (and that happens less and less today, than years ago) you have chosen to stay in it even if you are unhappy. You have given the power in your life over to someone else.


If you rationalize that you have to work eighty hours a week and weekends because your boss or organization expects it, you have given up your power to someone else. Then you might say, but I need this job or career. I need the money. No, you have chosen to need it. You could have chosen a different more modest lifestyle that would have required less income. You may feel like you are stuck in a relationship emotionally, physically or financially. Again I doubt that anyone forced you into it. You may have gone into it with closed eyes, but you chose to keep your eyes closed. Like it or not in every situation in life you are where you are because of your choices. Want a better life? Make different choices.


I would like to share a few ideas with you that may help you put balance back into your life, so that you can find time for the people and goals in your life that are possibly being shortchanged, including yourself.


*- Spend some quiet time reflecting on the quality of your life in general. Not just a single area, but consider every aspect, and the relationship of each to your overall life.


*- Make a list of all the areas or people in your life that are coming up short and why.


*- Determine which area of your life is getting most of your time and energy, and which is getting the least. Ask yourself why. Is the gain in one area worth paying the price of a loss in another area? Only you can answer that question, and only you will pay the price or enjoy the rewards.


*- Write a note to yourself about how you would like your life to look like, six months from now. Describe in detail how you spend your time, and what proportions of time are dedicated to the various activities and people in your life.


*- Give yourself at least thirty minutes a day for the next thirty days to reflect on your overall life goals and your progress toward them.


*- Write a personal mission statement. Include your life philosophy, guiding principles, desired outcomes and overall direction you want your life to take.


*- Move ahead mentally to age 70. What have you accomplished? What do your relationships look like? Who have you become and what is important to you? Now work backwards. What do you need to change now to get where you say you want to be. Remember, you change the quality of your future in the present.


*- Ask several people who know you well, and will be honest and non judgmental, to offer some feedback on your life and its direction. Listen and learn with an open and receptive attitude. You may not change because of the feedback they give you, but the insight you gain can give you some ideas that could be life changing.


*- Take a few days off from your job, career and/or current relationships. Spend time in a place that you are at peace and alone. It could be the beach, the mountains or anywhere where you can spend quality time with yourself evaluating your life without the distractions and expectations of others. Go with no agenda other than self-discovery.


*- If you do not keep a journal of your thoughts, lessons learned, life progress, feelings, interests, or observations, start one today. Take a few minutes at the end of each day recording whatever you feel in some way contributed to who you are, how you feel, and who you are becoming.


*- Develop an action plan to begin to re-allocate your time and energy to those people or activities that are important to you.


*- It isn't necessary to sell your business, quit your job or end a relationship to find better balance in your life. It requires a conscious awareness of what your life is really like, a desire to modify it in some way, the courage to change, the necessary skills and the commitment to stick with it.


*- Learn to detach from other people's emotional and or physical hold over you. It will not be easy. There will be people who use blame, guilt, manipulation or any number of emotional or physical techniques to keep you stuck in past behavior or thought patterns. They will know how to push your buttons hoping to control you in some way. When you permit others to manipulate you in any way, you give them power over your life. Detachment means letting go of the hold other people have over you. You can still love them and want to be with them, but you no longer have to be a slave to their "stuff."


*- Don't try and change everything over-night. It takes time to change attitudes and behavior that have developed over the years. Be patient and loving with yourself. But you must also hold yourself accountable. Letting yourself off the hook or making excuses will not put you on the road back to a balanced life.


*- Reward your successes. Treat yourself when you achieve a "worked for" result. Make it something symbolic or significant, but whatever it is make sure you take time to bask in the sunshine of success. Then begin again. Don't spend too much time basking, or you may fall back into your old habits. Change, permanent change requires vigilance and persistence. You can't let up until you have achieved total and permanent success. It will always be possible to fall back, so even though you have reached your goal, don't become too casual or relaxed. There will be new people and circumstances lurking in the shadows for a vulnerable moment. Be watchful.


None of these steps may be easy. Only you can decide if the potential outcome of more balance and inner peace are worth the price that must be paid. Don't change because of guilt, other people's expectations, or some casual or superficial whim. If you like working seventy hours a week and seeing your kids once a month for a few hours. Fine! If you want to change, that's fine too. But do it for healthy emotional or physical reasons not ego-driven motives.


Some final thoughts.


Total balance in life is an ideal. There will always be times when you may be temporarily out of balance devoting extra time to a new career, project, relationship or activity. This is healthy and normal; however be on the lookout that these times don't stretch into years or decades. It is then that you may end up paying the heavy price of regret in one area of your life. Regret weighs tons, but the daily discipline of change weighs only ounces.


If you have paid any attention to the reasons why your life is out of balance or the steps that I have suggested above to balancing your Wheel of Life, you should have realized that most of the discussion is pointing to the concepts of Self-awareness that we talked about in the earlier articles of this series. The troubles that you are facing in your life are a result of your lack of Self-awareness. It is absolute that your life can only become as fulfilled or produce effects consciously and purposefully based on the level of Self-awareness or the lack there of, that you possess. Developing Self-awareness will enable and empower you to become a conscious and purposeful creator of the events, conditions and circumstances that make up your life.
Help yourself become the best you can be by developing that Self-awareness, and find joy in each and every step you take in the direction of positive change.


Next week, I’ll attempt to dispel some of the myths surrounding the balancing of Life.

In the meantime, I welcome you to share your Self-awareness story on this blog and I promise to read your story.