What is Self-Awareness?

Socrates said:  “Know Thyself.”

His message was that, unless you are willing to take an honest look at how you have been living your life and the results you have been creating, you are doomed to repeat the same results over and over again, with no prospect of progress or growth.

In psychology, the concept of “Self-Awareness” is defined as a form of intelligence, and an understanding of one’s own knowledge, attitudes, and opinions. Self-awareness is the concept that ONE exists as an individual, separate from other people, with private thoughts. It may also include the understanding that other people are similarly self-aware. Self-awareness, in the simplest terms, is the discovery of one’s own personality. It allows us to discover ourselves; our likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and our own individuality.

The eminent psychologist, Daniel Goleman defined Self-awareness as “the ability to recognize and understand one’s moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others.” He identified Self-awareness as the number one component in Emotional Intelligence (EI).

Self-Awareness is comprised of three specific capabilities: Self-confidence, Accurate Self-assessment and Emotional Self-awareness. A greater understanding of each of these capabilities will provide a basis for development.

·     Self-confidence allows us to have a positive and realistic perception of ourselves and our abilities. It is characterized by personal attributes such as assertiveness, optimism, enthusiasm, affection, pride, independence, trust, the ability to handle criticism and emotional maturity. A balance in self-confidence, not too much or too little, is important and directly affects one’s opportunity to achieve success in any endeavor. As is true of all strengths, when taken to excess, they become liabilities.

·     Individuals who are capable in Accurate Self-assessment are acutely aware of their abilities and limitations, seek out feedback and learn from their mistakes, and know where they need to improve and when to work with others who have complementary strengths. Accurate Self-assessment was the competence found in virtually every successful “star performer.” That’s because these people are more likely to pay attention to all forms of feedback and make necessary modifications to their behavior in order to achieve their goals.

·     Emotional Self-awareness is the recognition of one’s own feelings and how they affect one’s performance. The better you understand yourself, the better you are able to accept or change who you are. Being in the dark about yourself means that you will continue to get caught up in your own internal struggles and allow outside forces to mold and shape you.

Emotional Intelligence begins with this Self-awareness. People with a high degree of Self-awareness know their weaknesses and are not afraid to talk about them. For example, someone who understands that he works poorly under tight deadlines will work hard to plan his time carefully and will let his colleagues know why. It is very important not to mistake such candor for ‘wimpiness’.

So, this is how Self-awareness is defined:

Develop the understanding and recognize the importance of gaining Self-awareness... an understanding of who and what you "Truly" are and what is truly available to you and your quality of life will transcend the majority in EVERY aspect.

Now, let’s analyze it a little bit more. Self-awareness is about knowing who you are. It is the ability to define yourself in terms of the way you think, the way you feel, your wants, your needs, your values, your personal beliefs, your strengths, your weaknesses, your expectations and your aspirations. In a sense, self-awareness is about understanding just how unique you are, and how your uniqueness adds value to the world, as you continually grow and change. 

Self-awareness is a way for us to explore our individual personalities, value systems, beliefs, natural inclinations, and tendencies.  Because we are all different in the way we react to things, learn, and synthesize information, it’s helpful to occasionally spend time in self-reflection to gain a better insight into ourselves.

Self-awareness remains a critical mystery in philosophy, psychology, biology, and other sciences. Self-awareness is a unique type of consciousness, in that it is not always present.

“Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing Yourself is Enlightenment.” - Tao Tzu

Knowing one’s self is the key to unlocking the greatest mystery we encounter in life – who we are and why we are here. Self-awareness is about discovering our innermost being; exploring what makes us tick; how we feel about this all and determining where we let it take us. The more technical definition of Self-awareness is “knowing who you are and understanding why we think, feel and behave the way we do.” Without a higher degree of this set of capabilities we are doomed to wander endlessly in a quagmire of our own emotions with little hope of escape and suffer the results of less than effective relationships.

Self-awareness Theory states that when we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values. We become self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves. Various emotional states are intensified by self-awareness, and some people sometimes try to reduce or escape it while some people may seek to increase their self-awareness.

People are more likely to align their behavior with their standards when made self-aware. People will be negatively affected if they don’t live up to their personal standards. Various environmental cues and situations induce awareness of the self, such as mirrors, an audience, or being videotaped or recorded. These cues also increase accuracy of personal memory.

Self-awareness is the awareness of the self as separate from the thoughts that are occurring at any point in time. Without self-awareness the self perceives and believes the thoughts that are occurring to be who the self is. Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to choose thoughts being thought rather than simply thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from the accumulative events leading up to the circumstances of the moment.

Awareness is the first step in the creation process. As you grow in self-awareness you will better understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave as you behave. That understanding then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you’d like to change about yourself and create the life you want. Without knowing who you are, self acceptance and change become impossible.

In summary, Self-awareness means becoming aware of yourself -- your limitations, emotionally and physically and your learning challenges. 

Being self aware is knowing:

·     what you want in your life

·     your strengths and weaknesses

·     what motivates you and what makes you happy

·     what you want to change about yourself or about your life

·     your achievements so far

·     how you relate to others

·     you need to improve as a person

·     your most important beliefs and values

·     how you see yourself as a person 

In the next article, I will discuss the importance of achieving the Self-awareness as a pre-cursor to balancing one’s life.

In the meantime, I encourage you to share your Self-awareness story on this blog and I promise to read your experiences.

What to Do When my Dreams are Not Coming True?

This will be my last article for this month as I mentioned in my previous posting, I will be starting a series of articles on Self-awareness beginning on October 1st.

What to Do When my Dreams are Not Coming True?

We have all experienced this at one time or another. You sit each morning and evening, visualizing your dreams and goals. You really start feeling it in your life. Every cell in your body seems to be vibrating in alignment with your desires. But when all is said and done, that pile of money is not sitting in your lap. "Well," you say, "I guess this doesn't really work—at least, not for me."

So what happened? Does ‘Success’ only work for some people some of the time? Or does it only work for small things—like finding a parking space—but not for manifesting a new car? The answer is that the dreams come true, all of the time, but—and this is key!—we must allow it to operate in our lives.

For example, if I want to attract more people buying my new book, but I am constantly talking about how slow it's going, I am not in vibrational alignment with my desires.

If I want to attract more wealth but spend my days lamenting about how broke I am, it is unlikely to happen. Be grateful for whatever financial abundance you have. That energy of gratitude will put you in a vibration to attract more of the same—namely, more wealth. "To he who has, more is given."

It's like a situation, years ago, with a coaching client. She wanted to conduct a seminar. She was lamenting to me one day how she "only had three people signed up." I pointed out that she had three people and that she should be thankful that they showed enough faith in her work to invest their time and money, and that she should focus on that and be grateful for it.

Within a few days, she had several more people and by the day of the event, she had attracted the ideal number of people to fill her seminar. As I've said before: "If you are praying for rain, carry an umbrella."

Another way we sometimes undo our desires is by speaking and acting in ways that are inconsistent with what we want. For example, people who are working on attracting more financial wealth, but walking around saying things like "Oh I'd never spend that much for a suit."

This is one of the reasons why I advise people who want more wealth to get into the energy of luxury. Go visit a four-star hotel or restaurant—even if you just buy a cup of coffee, soda, beer, or a glass of wine—and get into the feeling of that as your new lifestyle. Start getting comfortable in those surroundings.

If you want finer clothes, walk around the better stores and feel that energy of being around quality merchandise.

If you want to attract a relationship, get off your couch and go where there are people. And if you do meet someone who is not quite right, don't use that as an excuse to quit. Acknowledge that, even though this was not your ideal person, you are out meeting people and you're in an environment to meet your dream mate. These things happen in God's time, not ours; however, it's important to never give up. Don't quit before the miracle happens.

The more you focus on the evidence of what you want showing up in your life—while being grateful for what you already have—the more you're in vibrational alignment with your desire and the more likely it will grow.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

11 Dimensions of Self Awareness

As a prelude to my upcoming interview and cover story on the ‘11 Dimensions of Self Awareness’ for the International Mentors Magazine later this year, I’ll be posting here a series of weekly articles starting early October.

These articles deal in great detail on what Self-awareness is all about, how to develop it and the benefits of achieving it. I’ll also write about how one can use this information to balancing their lives in both their inner and outer lives.

People are living and working in an increasingly uncertain, unstable economic and social climate. Many feel frustrated and stressed in their work and home lives. They know that stress damages the body, mind and spirit, yet they feel caught in its trap. 

I think these conflicts are so common because people are conditioned to frame the problem incorrectly to begin with. That is, there's no way to balance work life and home life, because both exist on the same side of the scale - what I call your "outer" life. On the other side of the scale is your personal, private life - your "inner" life. Instead of thinking about how to balance work life and home life, try, instead, to balance your outer life and inner life.

There are 4 dimensions (People, Productivity, Tasks – also known as KARMA to those familiar with the Bhagavad Geetha, and Leadership) in the work life and another 4 dimensions (Family, Social, Financial – aka ARDHA and Ethics & Beliefs – aka DHARMA) in the home life for a total of 8 dimensions in the Outer life. With the 3 dimensions of body, mind and spirit/soul in the Inner life; you now have eleven dimensions overall to deal with and achieve harmony, joy and success in your life.

When Buddha began his teachings, his intention was to lead us into a realm of awareness so that we are awakened to Buddha’s insight and wisdom. Through this awareness, we can strive to become equals to the Buddha. Prince Siddhartha became the Buddha because he had realized the truth of life in the universe (self-awareness). With perfect compassion, he then proceeded to teach all being about this truth thus helping others to achieve enlightenment (enlighten others). Therefore, he is truly an enlightened person who possesses the quality of self-awareness, the ability to enlighten others, and complete enlightenment.

Increasing your self-awareness and living authentically takes time, practice, and patience - but the rewards are well worth it! It’s a very spiritual journey. It connects you to your Self, to your family, to your community, and to the world. I hope that you will join me in these articles to explore and share this enlightenment to achieving inner peace spiritually.

Craft a Purpose Driven Life

One thing that I have noticed about successful people is that they all seem to have a clear vision of exactly where they are going. They may not know all things in the middle but they definitely know what to expect in the end. Not only do they know but they will not let the picture die. They will constantly look past the present circumstances to see the end result.

A good example of what I am talking about comes to mind when I remember a movie that I once watched. In the movie a woman had a vision of moving a group of orphaned troubled inner city children from Philadelphia to a farm in Washington State. With very few resources and an old school bus which had to be brought back from death she proceeded across the country to their new destination. Whenever anyone in the movie told her what she didn't have she seemed to not even hear them. They eventually arrived at their destination but no other personality would have been able to accomplish this task of taking the children across country. The person with a vision may seem to ignore reality but that is really not the case.

The successful person simply chooses not to let the present reality dictate the future situation. He or she will have often put him or herself in a position where there is almost no other choice but to continue on. Sometimes success is born out of desperation. The desperate person will scratch and kick and claw until there is nothing left or until it is just not physically possible to continue. The person with a clear vision doesn't just waste time spinning his or her wheels in space. He or she knows what is required to get from point A to point B and won't waste time with anything which doesn't serve to move in the desired direction. It seems as if they have actually been to the destination and have seen what it looks like. You must have a clear purpose and goal in order to be successful. The person with vision sees what no one else sees. The woman in the movie looked at the old bus which wouldn't crank but, saw the transportation that she needed to go clear across the country. Nothing ventured means nothing gained.

The person with the vision will look at a dilapidated old building and see it as the mansion that it is to become. The task of getting there will not overwhelm them because their focus is on the end result and not the process. When you look at where you need to be don't place too much stock on your present circumstances. Hard work will get you to where you want to go. It's just a matter of time and the harder that you work now the less time it will take. I have discovered that there is a special intimacy which comes with writing the vision. I would say that you should write it frequently. Each time that you write it becomes more of a part of you. Each time you spend the time and effort to write it down you become more intimate with it. Remember the unruly child who would be disciplined in school by having to write on the blackboard. That was actually a useful punishment because it sought to cause that child to internalize the thing that he or she wrote. Write your vision, rehearse it, visualize it, and speak it. Once you do all of these things expect it to come to pass.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. He is  dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Learning to Say No

No is such a small word and yet so hard to say.

Often we don’t want to say no, even when that’s the right thing to do because we don’t want to risk appearing unable, unappreciative, or disrespectful. We don’t always act as we know we should. Many people place more value on what others think of them rather than on what they think of themselves. Their need to please others is so strong that, in pleasing others, they continue to diminish their own worth and the quality of their lives. If you, like many people, inadvertently are more concerned about pleasing others than pleasing yourself, it’s time to change.

If you consider what others think of you to be more important than what you think of yourself, you are likely to accept more responsibility than you want or can handle. In a childish attempt to please, you might accept too many responsibilities and become overwhelmed. We’ve all had occasions when we were afraid to tell the boss no. We’ve hesitated about refusing an invitation lest we hurt someone’s feelings, or we’ve agreed to help out a friend even when we didn’t have the time to do so. As stated before, this can cause you to feel overworked, underpaid, out of control, and unappreciated!

If your self-image is healthy and your need to please others is secondary to pleasing yourself, you will tend to frame your responses in light of your values and priorities. As a result, you will find yourself appropriately saying no when requests are not in alignment with your values and goals. Focus on developing attitudes and habits that continuously enhance a positive self-image and a high level of confidence. Focus on doing the right things for the right reasons.

The key to changing any habit is having a desire to change. Desire is reinforced by your conviction that your goals and priorities are right. Habits are very powerful and difficult to break. Therefore, you must really want to change and the rewards or the consequences must outweigh the alternative. If not, you’ll do what’s comfortable. It is frequently easier to do what is familiar than to do what we know is right, but familiar may not be best.

Choose the outcomes you desire. Who you are today may have been the result of choices made by many others in years past. Who you become tomorrow will be a result of choices you make today. Look to the future, not to the past. View setbacks not as failures but as learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Situations do not control you. If you feel your job, your life, your boss, your employees, or your family controls your time, you’ve chosen to let them. You can choose to control your own life. You can select the events in which you want to participate and affect the ultimate outcome. Alan Kay once said, “The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” People may choose to control our lives, but they are only successful of we choose to let them. What you accomplish and the amount of time you spend getting there depends on the choices you continue to make.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya ats6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

What’s been Your Experience with Positive Illusions?

Before you can convince people to move in a new direction, they need to see themselves needing to change, they have to see that they need to improve.

That should be easy enough for leaders to do, except for one great big brain flaw: most people see themselves in a positive light. That would seem to be a good thing, except our wonderful egos work overtime and create totally delusional positive illusions:

·        Only 2 percent of high school seniors believe their leadership skills are below average

·        A full 25 percent of people believe they’re in the top 1 percent in their ability to get along with others

·        94 percent of college professors report doing above-average work

·        The majority of people think they’re at lower risk than their peers for heart attacks, cancer

·        Most people say they are more likely than their peers to provide accurate self-assessments

·        Ask a room full of physicians how many graduated in the top 10 percent of their class, and 90 percent will raise their hands…

We are terrible self-evaluators. While a degree of self-confidence, even a dose of denial, can be productive and in that sense healthy, faulty self-assessment can lead to inertia and unwillingness to change.

Positive illusions pose an enormous problem with regard to change initiatives. To get a clear picture of where we are and how we’re doing, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves.

There are three types of positive illusions:

1.     The above-average effect

2.     The illusion of control

3.     Optimism bias

In the above-average effect, people regard themselves more positively than they regard others and less negatively than others regard them. Moreover, positive attributes are judged to be more descriptive of themselves than of an average person, whereas negative ones are judged to be less descriptive of themselves than of an average person.

This effect has been widely recognized across traits and abilities, including driving ability, parenting, leadership ability, teaching ability, ethics and health.

The illusion of control is an exaggerated assessment of the individual’s personal control over environmental circumstances such as the roll of dice or flip of coin.

Optimism bias is a tendency for people to overestimate their likelihood of experiencing a wide variety of pleasant events, such as enjoying their first job or having a gifted child, and somewhat underestimate their risk of succumbing to negative events, such as getting divorced or falling victim to a chronic disease. This illusory nature of optimism is also evident in peoples’ under-estimation of the time taken for a variety of tasks.

How can we help dispel people’s positive illusions without raining down negativity on them?

In fighting for change, we’ve got to find the feeling that motivates people to change. But, which feeling - anger, hope, dismay, enthusiasm, or fear? Fear is a frequently used motivator for leaders.

But is it a wise emotion to use, and can it backfire when the fear is proven false? Just how much can you use a burning platform metaphor when people only see little bonfires?

We all know that ‘In the absence of a dire threat, people will keep doing what they’ve always done.’ Is it necessary, however, to create a crisis in order to convince people they’re facing a catastrophe and have no choice but to move?

Something to think about… What’s been your experience with positive illusions?

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

How to Get to Where You Want to Go?

Last week, I received a question on my website from a person who wishes to remain anonymous. In answering that question, I felt that the answer really benefits everyone and decided to post it here on my blog. So, here is the question posed followed by my response to that. I hope that it clarifies similar doubts that you may have.

Question:

How do you go from where you are to where you want to be financially?

Answer:

The answer to the above question is actually quite simple. How do you get anywhere that you want to go? You get there by taking one step at a time.

Let me give you an example:

Have you ever driven anywhere at night? I’m going to assume that all of you have done some traveling at night. So, how did you get from where you were to where you were going when you can only see a few feet in front of your car? You could only see as far as your headlights would shine (roughly 100 to 150 feet on low beam, depending on the weather conditions), but yet, you keep going, always knowing that you’d get there.

This works the same way in life.

Many people want to know all the “hows”, and see the entire path laid out for them BEFORE they take the first step toward getting where they are going. However, that’s not how the Universe works.

You see, the first step is to make a decision and then take action on that decision. As soon as you begin to take action, another opportunity or next action step will appear. The difficult part of this is that sometimes the opportunity may come disguised as a hardship or unfortunate circumstance. It appears that way, because it will challenge a fear that you have. Maybe it will come as an opportunity that will require you to be seen, speak up for yourself, make a financial commitment, or be otherwise uncomfortable. It will force you to change, adapt and grow. If you resist this process, you will feel as if you’re stuck. If you step into the fear and see the opportunity for the gift that it is, the next opportunity will appear, and the process will continue.

It really all boils down to a matter of how willing you are to take a risk and believe in yourself. If you’re not getting where you want to go, stop, take inventory of what’s going on around you, and ask yourself “What am I not willing to do to move forward?”

What is behind the fear that’s holding you back? Because chances are, all you’d need to do is look that fear in the face, step into it, and you’d be back on track again.

It’s as simple as driving in the dark. You may not be able to see the entire path, but you have faith that no matter what, you’re going to reach your final destination.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.