Falling Out of Love with my Drama – Part I

If you recall, I have written about in my blog articles and also discussed on my radio shows earlier on the control drama (click on the link if you have missed listening to it) in our lives. This past Sunday, two of the Village of Abundance group (on Facebook) members got together on the VoARadio Network to discuss 'How to Heal from Mama Trauma.' As I listened to that radio show, it made me to think more on how I succeeded in driving out the drama in my life.

I have been fortunate to study with some of the most amazing teachers over the years, and all of them have talked about letting go of the drama in your life.

It took me awhile to truly let go of it all and learn to live in the present, to be present with my own life and with everyone in it.

I found that I took myself through several steps to get to the Freedom I desired. In the next few weeks, I will briefly write about each of these steps. For this week, here is Step #1:

Step 1- Forgiveness

In order to start the clearing out process I realized that forgiveness was the key that would open the lock to all else that was within. Even though I knew better, it was still easy to get caught up in the idea that by forgiving the person, I was approving the act. And also that forgiveness was for the other person when it is really always for us, and for our own inner peace. Once I got myself past those old mind-sets, it was an easy road from there – simply a process of letting go.

You have most likely heard the saying, ‘Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.’  It costs you everything and costs the other nothing.

Once you truly start forgiving events and people, and most importantly yourself, then you will know how liberating it is for your spirit and how peaceful your life can be.

Stay tuned for Step #2 next week.

What are Your Brain Drivers?

There are four distinctive 'brain drivers,' or ways of thinking and behaving. These drivers are based on brain chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. Although these chemicals are present in everyone's brain, people tend to express them to varying degrees.

Once you understand which brain driver someone uses, you can begin to reach them in the world they live in. I have spent a better part of my coaching career conducting extensive research into how biology, environment, axiology, neuroscience, and quantum physics combine to shape the way people think about and respond to others.

People whose brain driver is heavily influenced by dopamine (D) tend to be risk-taking, novelty seeking, curious, spontaneous and somewhat irreverent.

Those influenced by serotonin (S) tend to be calm, self-controlled, frugal, managerial and steady.

Those influenced more by testosterone (C) tend to be analytical, logical, competitive, rank-oriented but defiant.

And, those influenced by estrogen (I) tend to be imaginative, compassionate, verbal and intuitive.

Deloitte, one of the BIG 5 consulting firms, has begun recently to incorporate this philosophy, with its senior partners and executive leaders to determine their own brain drivers and learn how to communicate more effectively with people who have different brain drivers.

If your brain driver is predominantly S and you are meeting with a client whose brain driver is an I, then you need to focus on things like listening actively, finding points of agreement and smiling more. We can act out of character. It is tiring; but, we do it.

Do you know what your brain driver is? Contact me if I can be of help to make you a much more effective communicator and be successful in your business or life, in general.

If you are in a business or job to help others solve a problem and if you are able to listen to your clients actively and understand the context of their problem, you will be in a much better position to help them – it will give you an edge in helping to solve the problem. 

Win – Win Attitude

Here was a question from one of the listeners of the 1st Round Table discussion last month: I have been promoted recently to a manager position and What I should know as I begin in this new leadership position? 

Well, first of all, Congratulations! You just received your first management promotion. Depending on your company, you may be provided with the basic training necessary for you to achieve reasonable success in your new position within an allotted time period. Typically, your direct supervisor and his or her boss will have some expectations when you are supposed to contribute your knowledge, skills and ideas in tangible ways that add value to the organization.

"The people above you (bosses, management and Executive leaders) want one thing most of all - they want solutions to problems. Solutions that make them look good and help them achieve their goals. They want you to be a problem solver because a good idea is a good idea regardless of where it comes from." ~ Jay Abraham, Marketing Guru.

As a new leader within your organization you can be sure that others will be observing your behavior and approach to the day to day opportunities and challenges in the workplace. Your efforts need to be effective immediately to reduce anyone's apprehension about the choice to promote you into a leadership position. Being busy and being effective is not one and the same. One wastes a lot of time and the other produces tangible results. Here are some tips that may help establish you as a leader who can effectively approach tasks and challenges with a "can do" attitude to achieve results:

a). You have to take the lead in the development of your leadership capacity. Your leadership growth and development is your responsibility. This means you don't wait for someone to train you on what you need to know or want to know to increase your performance, you take the initiative to make sure that you receive the training. It's up to you to plan, prepare and pursue a path that leads to further leadership growth.

b). The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. Those that have placed their faith in you do so partly because they believe you will consistently perform and deliver results. There is no resting on your laurels in business. Celebrate your achievements but understand that the demands on your organization by the marketplace will require that you be able to step up your effort from one level to the next level.

c). Walk your talk. One of the most common complaints on employee opinion surveys is related to the question, "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being "very much" and 1 "never", how would you rate the level of trust you have with your immediate supervisor or manager?" Your character influences how others in your workplace perceive your leadership style. When you are transparent, communicate honestly with others and maintain a sense of humility you demonstrate that you are a leader that can be trusted.

d). Maintaining a high level of passion towards the work that is required of you breeds enthusiasm in your work environment.

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

e). Set up others to succeed. Beyond trust nothing breeds loyalty from others more so than to work with a leader who you know has your best interest in mind. Give credit when credit is due. Praise often and when you have to provide constructive feedback do so in private. Always be on the lookout for growth and development opportunities for those on your team.

f). Communicate clearly the organization's expectations of responsibilities for each member of your team. Do not assume that someone knows what is expected of their job performance. It only frustrates staff members when what they think about their performance does not align up with what their direct supervisor thinks and often this is discovered during performance evaluations. By providing ongoing feedback you will decrease or eliminate this frustration among your team members.

As a leader, you demonstrate your value of each team member by showing them respect, trust and providing them with direction and the necessary support for them to excel in their job duties. You have the responsibility of coordinating your tasks and that of others to achieve your organization's goals. Maintaining a win-win attitude towards members of your team while maximizing the delivery of legendary service to both internal and external customers will increase your influence to lead your team to achieve success.

If any of the other panel members (Linda Forsythe, Charles Prabakar, Lynn Severson, Dr Peggy Anderson, Theresa Appawu) of the Round Table discussion want to add anything else, please feel free to add in the comments sections below. Namaste!

Leadership Lessons from Sports

While the NFL Super Bowl Championship game on this past Sunday night is still fresh in our minds, let us look at how we can apply some of the lessons from sports to our life, in general.

Achieving something very important to you and your business requires:

1. 1.    Documenting your strategy and breaking it down to the level of detail necessary to drive execution. DON’T BLOW THIS OFF - keeping it in your head never works. Big achievements require plans with milestones and metrics. These will not only allow you to monitor the performance of your team against the strategy, but they’ll also help you invest growth capital efficiently.
2. 2.    Getting crystal clear about what you want to achieve with your business. I am not talking about generalities (increase profit margin to 12 percent, increase revenue to $60 million, etc.). I am talking about something you can really be passionate about that will naturally and easily focus your efforts.
3. 3.    Getting the 'buy-in' from your team. If the goal is important enough to you, replace those who won’t support you with people who will.
4. 4.    Realizing that hope is not a strategy. Hoping that a number of good things will happen is not good enough to accomplish something great. You must have a plan designed specifically to help you achieve your goal.
5. 5.    Acting like a honey badger when it comes to your goal and never giving up. Being passionate and relentless. If it’s that important to you, how could you possibly quit?

What are your thoughts about achieving big goals? Anything that we can add to the list?