Focusing on the Positive View to Success

Two people can view the same situation entirely different. One may see the glass half empty; another sees the glass half full.

Both observations are correct, but the subtle difference in thought process and phrasing is important. The former is bemoaning what isn’t and the latter is appreciating what is. The way you view and describe a situation greatly influences how you feel about it and how you respond to it. You have the power to choose how you see life. You always have the option of viewing situations in either a positive or negative manner.

When someone asks you how you genuinely feel about yourself, what thoughts first come to your mind? Do you instinctively think about your shortcomings and failures, or do you think about your worth and potential? Your view of yourself affects your development. When you focus on your potential, you foster vision and motivation for growth. When you expect positive outcomes, you will be more inclined to work for and get them. If you motivate employees and create an environment where they want to succeed, they will be more likely to do so. If you have positive expectations, they will strive to live up to them.

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and help them become what they are capable of being.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you see life positively, you will be in a stronger position to ward off the negative influences that constantly bombard you. You will be able to set your goals and sustain your efforts to achieve them. Take an inventory of your internal attitudes. Listen closely to your dialogue with yourself. You will become increasingly aware of the many negative thoughts that you may entertain on a daily basis.

Be conscious of your thoughts and make a commitment to change those negative thoughts into positive commitments. Just as you exercise your body to make it healthy, exercise your mind with positive thoughts that begin with “I can” and “I will.” You have no doubt encountered people who move forward through life with vigor and enthusiasm. They seem to possess an indefinable quality that propels them over and around obstacles. They don’t get discouraged, and they don’t indulge in self-doubt or self-pity. That quality is a positive view of life. You can almost hear them saying aloud to themselves, “I can” and “I will,” and as a result they do!

When I Loved Myself Enough

As I promised last week, here is an excerpt by Alison McMillen, January 2001 from her mother, Kim McMillen's book: WHEN I LOVED MYSELF ENOUGH.

The author, Kim McMillen died in September of 1996, at the age of 52, only a few short months after writing the book. She was not ill and did not know that she was going to die. Her death was very sudden and it deeply shocked everyone who knew her.

When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little.

When I loved myself enough I came to know my own goodness.

When I loved myself enough I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.

When I loved myself enough I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.

When I loved myself enough I felt compelled to slow down way down. And that has made all the difference.

When I loved myself enough I bought a feather bed.

When I loved myself enough I came to love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.

When I loved myself enough I came to see I am not special but I am unique.

When I loved myself enough I redefined success and life became simple. Oh, the pleasure of that.

When I loved myself enough I came to know I am worthy of knowing God directly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see I didn't have to chase after life. If I am quiet and hold still, life comes to me.

When I loved myself enough I gave up the belief that life is hard.

When I loved myself enough I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.

When I loved myself enough I let the tomboy in me swing off the rope in Jackass Canyon. Yes!

When I loved myself enough I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish.

When I loved myself enough the parts of me long-ignored, the orphans of my soul, quit vying for attention. That was the beginning of inner peace. Then I began seeing clearly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see that desires of the heart do come, and I grew more patient and calm, except when I forgot.

When I loved myself enough I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.

When I loved myself enough I started feeling all my feelings, not analysing them really feeling them. When I do, something amazing happens. Try it. You will see.

When I loved myself enough my heart became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally.

When I loved myself enough I started meditating every day. This is a profound act of self-love.

When I loved myself enough I came to feel like a gift to the world and I collected beautiful ribbons and bows. They still hang on my wall to remind me.

When I loved myself enough I learned to ask 'Who in me is feeling this way?' when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad. If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.

When I loved myself enough I no longer needed things or people to make me feel safe.

called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.

When I loved myself enough I gave up perfectionism that killer of joy.

When I loved myself enough I could tell the-truth about my gifts and my limitations.

When I loved myself enough I quit answering the telephone when I don't want to talk.

When I loved myself enough forgiving others became irrelevant.

When I loved myself enough I could remember, during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love.

When I loved myself enough I could allow my heart to burst wide open and take in the pain of the world.

When I loved myself enough I started picking up litter on the street.

When I loved myself enough I could feel God in me and see God in you. That makes us divine! Are you ready for that?

When I loved myself enough I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsibility.

When I loved myself enough I began to see my purpose and gently wean myself from distractions.

When I loved myself enough I saw that what I resisted persisted like a small child tugging my skirt. Now I am curious and gentle when resistance comes tugging.

When I loved myself enough I learned to stop what I am doing, if even for a moment, and comfort the part of me that is scared.

When I loved myself enough I learned to say no when I want to and yes when I want to.

When I loved myself enough I saw beyond right and wrong and became neutral. At first I thought this was indifference; now I see the clarity that comes with neutrality.

When I loved myself enough I began to feed my hunger for solitude and revel in the inexplicable contentment that is its companion.

When I loved myself enough I could see how funny life is, how funny I am and how funny you are.

When I loved myself enough I recognised my courage and fear, my naivety and wisdom, and I make a place for each at my table.

When I loved myself enough I started treating myself to a massage at least once a month.

When I loved myself enough I realised I am never alone.

When I loved myself enough I stopped fearing empty time and quit making plans. Now I do what feels right and am in step with my own rhythms. Delicious!

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to impress my brother.

When I loved myself enough I stopped trying to banish the critical voices from my head. Now I say, Thankyou for your views' and they feel heard. End of discussion.

When I loved myself enough I let the part of me that still misses Kent feel sad instead of trying to stop her from loving him.

When I loved myself enough I began buying a hostess fruit pie for the teenager in me who loves them so. Once in a while, cherry.

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to be a saviour for others.

When I loved myself enough I lost my fear of speaking my truth for I have come to see how good it is.

When I loved myself enough I began pouring my feelings into my journals. These loving companions speak my language. No translation needed.

When I loved myself enough I stopped seeking 'experts' and started living my life.

When I loved myself enough I came to see how my anger teaches about responsibility and my arrogance teaches about humility, so I listen to both carefully.

When I loved myself enough I started eating organically grown food (except for those occasional fruit pies of course).

When I loved myself enough I could be at ease with the comings and goings of judgement and despair.

When I loved myself enough I was able to be treated to a $50 haircut and enjoy every minute of it.

When I loved myself enough I quit having to be right which makes being wrong meaningless.

When I loved myself enough I learned to grieve for the hurts in life when they happen instead of making my heart heavy from lugging them around.

When I loved myself enough I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn’t good enough.

When I loved myself enough things got real quite inside. Real nice.

When I loved myself enough I began listening to the wisdom of my body. It speaks so clearly through its fatigue, sensitivities, aversions and hungers.

When I loved myself enough I quit fearing my fear.

When I loved myself enough I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future – which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.

When I loved myself enough I realized my mind can torment and deceive me, but in the service of my heart it is a great and noble ally.

When I loved myself enough I began to taste freedom.

When I loved myself enough I found my voice and wrote this little book.

Leadership in Life

Any leader on the path to success can benefit from this mindset. So, this week, I am sharing this article that came from an Association that I am affiliated with. (Next week, I am going to share an excerpt from the book that is referenced in this article.)

You have probably heard some excellent leadership speeches in your time. Powerful leaders talking about the importance of having a vision, how to lead with charisma, creating the best environment for a team, communicating effectively, exhibiting integrity, generating passion for a mission, etc.

Recently, there was one such speech that appeared quite different, yet all of the above wouldn't be possible without the one quality it references. This speech has been attributed to Charlie Chaplin, yet research points to a re-translation of "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim McMillen.

Its theme is elegant, yet simple: Love. How does love figure in to being an effective leader? In more ways than you have probably thought. The characteristics that spring from love help to build a solid foundation for a good leader: authenticity, respect, maturity, self-confidence, simplicity, modesty, fulfillment, and more. These traits are necessary in leading yourself, your team, and your business.

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health - food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!

Passion - the X Factor

There are a lot of aspects to consider when hiring a candidate for an open position – skill set, years of experience, ability to fit into the company culture, etc. The list goes on and on. However, there’s one factor that many companies completely overlook, and it can often come back to haunt
them.

That factor is passion.

A candidate’s passion for what they do could be considered the “X Factor” of any hire. That’s because when a person has passion for their job, they are compelled and they are driven to not only carry out the duties of the position, but also to do so extraordinarily well. For people with passion, going through the motions is not an option. In fact, it’s not even a consideration.

Here are three reasons why employers should hire people with passion over people who lack it:
1. They are more productive – People with passion don’t leave at 5 p.m. on the dot, and they often work through lunch. They love what they do, so they do as much of it as they can. That translates into more productivity... a lot more. 

2. They are more engaged – You don’t have to make sure they are engaged in their job and with the company. If they have passion for what they are doing, they are practically self-engaging. This makes it far easier to retain the person over the long haul.

3. They are intrinsically motivated – You don’t need to throw huge amounts of money or a slew of perks at these candidates in order to make them happy. Verbal compliments and other forms of recognition for a job well done go a long way. Once again, this increases the chances of retaining their services.

As you can see, passion has a distinctly important role in the hiring process. Failure to identify which candidates possess it and which ones do not can have a negative impact on that process. In fact, it could even result in hiring the wrong person for the position.

Leading in Times of Change

Of the many issues with which we wrestle each day, one certain truth is: the future will not look like the present. Global competition, technology, and innovation will define the future. Yet many leaders continue to lead, manage, and operate as they have in the past.

There is a story by Price Pritchett in which he recounts his experience of viewing firsthand a life and death struggle that occurred just a few feet away from where he was sitting. He was watching a fly burn out the last of its short life’s energy in a futile attempt to fly through the glass of a windowpane. The frenzied effort of the fly gave no hope for survival. Ironically, had the fly just flown in another direction, it could have easily escaped through an open door.

All too often, we are like the fly. We try harder doing the same things, when instead we need to do different things. We must break the shackles of conformity, challenge the routine, and break out of existing paradigms. At the core of succeeding in today’s competitive environment is the ability to constantly improve and reinvent the way we do business. The key to working smarter is knowing the difference between motion and direction, between activity and focused action.

To lead, we must be adept at balancing what must stay constant with what must change. Nurture a culture in which people are encouraged to seek new and better methods, while feeling secure in the familiar and in the future success of their organization. Align all resources and strategies toward the realization of the vision and goals.

Alignment is the balanced harmony between people, processes, resources, and departments. It is a matter of aligning your vision with people, strategy, structure, and processes with focus on the customer and a foundation of core values. Because they are interdependent, they must be congruent. When all five critical components are aligned, results will continue to improve. If there is conflict between any two issues, there can be dissolution of the whole.

If people have the knowledge necessary to create positive change, but your processes make it too difficult for them to do so, motivation will wane and maintaining the status quo remains easier. If you are able through a shared vision to raise the level of motivation that exists in your organization, but your structure restricts innovation or high levels of productivity, the improvement will be temporary at best. All of the parts are important to the whole. Everyone becomes focused on doing the right things right, which results in organizational health, accelerated positive change, and strategic growth. Encourage people to be responsible for their own performance.

When all five critical organizational components are aligned with a focus on the customer, results will continue to improve.

I am enthusiastic over humanity’s extraordinary and sometimes very timely ingenuity. If you are in a shipwreck and all the boats are gone, a piano top buoyant enough to keep you afloat may come along and make a fortuitous life preserver. This is not to say, though, that the best way to design a life preserver is in the form of a piano top. I think that we are clinging to a great many piano tops in accepting yesterday’s fortuitous contrivings as constituting the only means for solving a given problem.  ~  R. Buckminster Fuller ((July 12, 1895 – July 1, 1983) was an American engineer, author, designer, inventor, and futurist.

Are You In Tune with the Emotions of the People

Excellent customer service providers are in tune with the emotions of the people they deal with through awareness and empathy.

They are proficient at handling conflicts, and they have the ability to maintain positive attitudes while engaged in their work. However, a continual barrage of negative customer interactions can be a reality within the role of service providers, and they can cause what is commonly called emotional labor.

Arlie Hochschild, author of The Managed Heart: Communication of Human Feeling, defines emotional labor as displaying a set of emotions that differ from the emotions the service provider is currently feeling. Based on this definition, people in service jobs who are acting differently than they are feeling can experience high doses of emotional labor which can cause stress, fatigue, and diminished impulse control.

Service providers deal with a higher level of stress no matter what product or service they provide due to the fact that customer interactions are always fueled with many types of emotions. Stress is a physical reaction that you experience when you cannot cope or have difficulty dealing with a negative or threatening situation. Due to the direct connection between a service provider’s role and stressful situation, learning how to understand, manage, and reduce stress becomes an important skill to master.

In the book Stress Management for Dummies, author Allen Elkin cites:

Ø  7 out 19 people felt stress at some point on a typical workday.

Ø  People reported that they lost their temper an average of 5 times a month.

Ø  Many people reported that stress contributes to doing things they regret later.

Ø  About 5% of those asked said stress was preventing them from enjoying their lives.

People under stress tend to be more on edge and will erupt more quickly and violently, increasing their number of conflicts with people in general. Extreme stress saps your energy because your body is functioning in emergency mode. Stress tightens your muscles, impacts your breathing and the flow of oxygen to your vital organs, and it can cause sleep to be difficult. High stress can put a strain on many of your bodily functions and can lead to high blood pressure, ulcers, and heart attacks. It can become a vicious cycle. Obviously, reducing stress can have many health benefits as well as making your life more enjoyable and rewarding. It is important to identify what pushes your buttons and produces stress in your life. Identifying your stress producers is the first step in effectively managing and reducing stress.

In order to effectively manage stress, you must build or increase your tolerance for stress. Stress management is your ability to deal effectively with adverse events and stressful situations without falling apart. Having a positive outlook on new experiences and change is also important. Plus the ability to stay calm and maintain control in stressful situations is a large part of building an increased tolerance level. People who excel at stress management tend to face crises and problems head on with a positive attitude rather than surrendering to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and self-doubt.

The first step is to understand where the stress is coming from or what events are activating the stressful feelings you are experiencing. Check out future blog for more on reducing and eliminating stress.