What’s been Your Experience with Positive Illusions?

Before you can convince people to move in a new direction, they need to see themselves needing to change, they have to see that they need to improve.

That should be easy enough for leaders to do, except for one great big brain flaw: most people see themselves in a positive light. That would seem to be a good thing, except our wonderful egos work overtime and create totally delusional positive illusions:

·        Only 2 percent of high school seniors believe their leadership skills are below average

·        A full 25 percent of people believe they’re in the top 1 percent in their ability to get along with others

·        94 percent of college professors report doing above-average work

·        The majority of people think they’re at lower risk than their peers for heart attacks, cancer

·        Most people say they are more likely than their peers to provide accurate self-assessments

·        Ask a room full of physicians how many graduated in the top 10 percent of their class, and 90 percent will raise their hands…

We are terrible self-evaluators. While a degree of self-confidence, even a dose of denial, can be productive and in that sense healthy, faulty self-assessment can lead to inertia and unwillingness to change.

Positive illusions pose an enormous problem with regard to change initiatives. To get a clear picture of where we are and how we’re doing, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves.

There are three types of positive illusions:

1.     The above-average effect

2.     The illusion of control

3.     Optimism bias

In the above-average effect, people regard themselves more positively than they regard others and less negatively than others regard them. Moreover, positive attributes are judged to be more descriptive of themselves than of an average person, whereas negative ones are judged to be less descriptive of themselves than of an average person.

This effect has been widely recognized across traits and abilities, including driving ability, parenting, leadership ability, teaching ability, ethics and health.

The illusion of control is an exaggerated assessment of the individual’s personal control over environmental circumstances such as the roll of dice or flip of coin.

Optimism bias is a tendency for people to overestimate their likelihood of experiencing a wide variety of pleasant events, such as enjoying their first job or having a gifted child, and somewhat underestimate their risk of succumbing to negative events, such as getting divorced or falling victim to a chronic disease. This illusory nature of optimism is also evident in peoples’ under-estimation of the time taken for a variety of tasks.

How can we help dispel people’s positive illusions without raining down negativity on them?

In fighting for change, we’ve got to find the feeling that motivates people to change. But, which feeling - anger, hope, dismay, enthusiasm, or fear? Fear is a frequently used motivator for leaders.

But is it a wise emotion to use, and can it backfire when the fear is proven false? Just how much can you use a burning platform metaphor when people only see little bonfires?

We all know that ‘In the absence of a dire threat, people will keep doing what they’ve always done.’ Is it necessary, however, to create a crisis in order to convince people they’re facing a catastrophe and have no choice but to move?

Something to think about… What’s been your experience with positive illusions?

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

How to Get to Where You Want to Go?

Last week, I received a question on my website from a person who wishes to remain anonymous. In answering that question, I felt that the answer really benefits everyone and decided to post it here on my blog. So, here is the question posed followed by my response to that. I hope that it clarifies similar doubts that you may have.

Question:

How do you go from where you are to where you want to be financially?

Answer:

The answer to the above question is actually quite simple. How do you get anywhere that you want to go? You get there by taking one step at a time.

Let me give you an example:

Have you ever driven anywhere at night? I’m going to assume that all of you have done some traveling at night. So, how did you get from where you were to where you were going when you can only see a few feet in front of your car? You could only see as far as your headlights would shine (roughly 100 to 150 feet on low beam, depending on the weather conditions), but yet, you keep going, always knowing that you’d get there.

This works the same way in life.

Many people want to know all the “hows”, and see the entire path laid out for them BEFORE they take the first step toward getting where they are going. However, that’s not how the Universe works.

You see, the first step is to make a decision and then take action on that decision. As soon as you begin to take action, another opportunity or next action step will appear. The difficult part of this is that sometimes the opportunity may come disguised as a hardship or unfortunate circumstance. It appears that way, because it will challenge a fear that you have. Maybe it will come as an opportunity that will require you to be seen, speak up for yourself, make a financial commitment, or be otherwise uncomfortable. It will force you to change, adapt and grow. If you resist this process, you will feel as if you’re stuck. If you step into the fear and see the opportunity for the gift that it is, the next opportunity will appear, and the process will continue.

It really all boils down to a matter of how willing you are to take a risk and believe in yourself. If you’re not getting where you want to go, stop, take inventory of what’s going on around you, and ask yourself “What am I not willing to do to move forward?”

What is behind the fear that’s holding you back? Because chances are, all you’d need to do is look that fear in the face, step into it, and you’d be back on track again.

It’s as simple as driving in the dark. You may not be able to see the entire path, but you have faith that no matter what, you’re going to reach your final destination.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Adventures in Creative Thinking

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

So the cunning moneylender suggested that they let Council decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag.

He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you do if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you tell her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.

The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?

Well, here is what she did ...

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

Moral: Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development, personal development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Are You Ready to Divorce Your Inner Critic?

Most human beings engage in ongoing self-talk. For many of us, most of that self-talk is negative—particularly when we've experienced some kind of setback, like a business challenge, a rocky relationship, or a health scare. We're literally laying down programming in our consciousness that beats us up and sets us up for failure and dissatisfaction.

That inner critical voice is part of our psychological design that's intended to keep us safe and have us pause before we act.  On top of that, our inner critical voice has great value in revealing some of our Self Limiting Beliefs and unconscious programming that holds us back.

Here is a short overview of the three simple strategies to help us partner more effectively with our inner critic. These strategies are excerpted from an eBook, "It's The Thought That Counts!" (*Please let me know if you would like to receive and read this 105 page eBook.)

1. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW

Life offers us possibilities much broader than we can possibly "know" if we're open to seeing them. You don't know what you don't know. And that is good news! All you need is a willingness to stay open and view your mistakes as wonderful learning opportunities. Get curious and ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?"

2. TUNE INTO YOUR INNER DIALOGUE

Awareness is the critical ingredient to building a more empowering mindset. Break the state of "waking hypnosis" and choose new thoughts that support you. If you hear your inner critic getting nasty with you, simply say, "Thank you for sharing!" or "Sure, but I deserve to have a great life anyway!"

3. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

Everyone has an inner critic. Realize that it's just trying to protect you. You can even visualize that part of you as a cranky old great-uncle, or as a scared little child, who just needs to talk a lot. Having negative internal dialogue doesn't mean that you are flawed or incapable. Let your wise, soulful self call the shots.

This week, I invite you to pick one of the suggested strategies and practice it on a regular basis.

Remember, each little change, made over time, will make a big difference in your ability to raise your level of happiness and improve the quality of your life.

Also please take note that if you are a parent or have kids in your life, these tips work beautifully for the children as well.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Inspire Others by Self Improvement

Here is the article that I originally intended to post last Saturday but, changed my tracks. I hope that you will appreciate my point clearly.

More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us - when in fact, most people are more scared than us. When all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we end up with a wishful idea of “I wish I was somebody else!” 

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and think of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Self Esteem – what exactly is it and how does one find it?

Esteem: (definition according to Webster's Dictionary) to value, appraise, estimate, to have great regard for; value highly; favorable opinion, high regard …

When people truly esteem themselves, they will take 100% responsibility for their own lives. They let others make decisions for themselves without trying to be in control, and let others be responsible for their actions. Life lived right is a delicate balance, and we all need help maintaining this balance.

Get in touch with your true self which is perfect in every way. Your true self esteem is who it is because it knows it was created perfect by a perfect creator. It is the false self that finds fault in who it is and lacks self esteem. Finding your Authentic or true self is the only adventure you can’t afford to miss in life.

For the record, I never had a client who complained of having too much self esteem, and who therefore asked for a reduction. Most people, in moments of profound honesty, will admit to a lack of self esteem. They would like to feel better about themselves - more confident and capable - in short, to love themselves more.

Some time ago, an extremely famous chat show host was heard to say: "Low self esteem is the root of all the problems in the world”...

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?”  In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!”  Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve herself.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love your self is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on.  Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life doesn’t need to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Self Esteem and Self Improvement

For this week’s blog, I started writing about ‘inspiring others by self improvement’ and half-way thru the article, I made the following statement: “Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement.” Then it got me realize that I never said anything about my own story on how I overcame my failures and reached the state where I am now. So, I decided that’s what I’ll do for this week and finish posting the other article for next week.

Here it goes ... my own self improvement process. Not too many years ago, I was going through a dark time in my life. I was broke - financially, personally, socially - even spiritually. In describing it to someone once, I said, "I had the self esteem of a dead skunk." That might have been overstating it a bit but not much!

My life - and my confidence - is much better today, MUCH better.


So what’s changed? Was it outward circumstances? Did my environment change and with it my inner experience? No.


Somehow I knew that any changes would have to be from me. It would be an inner transformation that would eventually alter the outward experience.


Some of the things I did unconsciously. Others were done with deliberation and coaching.

First and foremost, I removed myself from people who had been particularly critical. By distancing myself from this criticism, I was able to gain a better perspective. I was perfectly capable of taking my own inventory and didn't need someone else pointing out my errors and keeping me focused on my shortcomings.

I immersed myself in good books - books of inspiration, books that increased my belief and books that gave me hope. And hope was severely lacking.

I made a conscious effort to focus on my strengths: my talents, my experience and my knowledge. I didn't allow myself to indulge in negative thoughts. When I found myself musing about something less than "uplifting", I would redirect myself to something else. I gave myself no permission to have "pity parties."

Thomas Carlyle wrote, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what clearly lies at hand." I kept busy. I did what appeared to me as needing doing. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it. The future was uncertain and for the first time in my life I didn't have a plan. Like the AA program, I took one day at a time.

And each day I did what I could to clean up my messes, make things better, keep my focus forward instead of backward and keep the faith.


One of the biggest awareness' I had during these dark times was that I WAS NOT my feelings. I HAD feelings, but they were not me. I also realized that I had cared too much about the opinions of others. I still care; I just don't let it run me like it used to.


Some people believe that if you feel good about yourself, you'll do great things. That may be true, but I also believe that if you do great things, you'll feel good about yourself - and then do even greater things.


Taking these steps consistently over a period of months has enabled me to rebuild my finances, establish a career I'm excited about, develop a loving and nurturing relationship with my family and, most importantly, restore and improve upon my self esteem. I'm grateful for the process. 


Self-esteem is an upward or downward spiral. What you do affects the way you feel. How you feel affects the things you do. The things you do affect what you and others think of you, which in turn, affect how you feel about yourself.


You're either building yourself up or tearing yourself down. There is no status quo when it comes to your self-image.


Let’s recollect some Winnie the Pooh characters … Eeyore has no self esteem, he expects things to go wrong and they usually do. Tigger, on the other hand, bounces through life, always hopeful, always on an adventure, even when his friends try to pull him down; he just sees the bouncy side of things. He exasperates those who need total order, or control. Tigger is truly, just Tigger. He loves his friends just as they are and even the busy but important old Rabbit can’t dampen his spirits. I love Tigger, though I certainly have had my Eeyore moments! If you get a chance, read some of the Pooh books.

See who you identify with and who irritates you … This week try and be aware of the times you feel uncomfortable, depressed, discouraged, irritated, frustrated, out of control, or the flip side, very independent, self sufficient, (don’t need any one else, I will do it myself, no one else can do it right), opinionated, critical, positional … and ask yourself, where am I not valuing myself? 


Start a journal. Keep track, start to be responsible for your life and yourself, find creative intuitive ways to make changes, your inner self knows what it needs. Read a book on self improvement - get this FREE e-Book now, take a class, find a support group, get a Coach!! 

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Setting Goals for Personal Development

The basics of setting a goal is an open secret known by top-caliber athletes, successful businessmen and businesswomen and all types of achievers in all the different fields. The basics of setting goals give you short-term and long-term motivation and focus. They help you set focus on the acquisition of required knowledge and help you to plan and organize your resources and your time so that you can get the best out of your life.

Setting clearly defined short term and long term goals will enable you to measure your progress and achieve personal satisfaction once you have successfully met your goals. Charting your progress will also enable you to actually see the stages of completion leading to the actual realization of your goals. This eliminates the feeling of a long and pointless grind towards achieving your goal. Your self-confidence and level of competence will also improve as you will be more aware of your capabilities as you complete or achieve your goals.

The basics of goal settings will involve deciding what you really want to do with your personal life and what short term and long term goals you need to achieve it. Then you have to break down goals into the smaller and manageable targets that you must complete in your way to achieving your lifetime targets. Once you have your list waste no time in tackling your goals.

A good way to have a manageable list is to have a daily and weekly set of goals. By doing this you will be always in the position of going towards your life plan goals. Everyday will give you the opportunity to fulfill a certain goal giving you the feeling of accomplishment.

Here are some pointers that should be taken into consideration in setting goals and achieving them.

Attitude plays a very big role in setting and achieving your goals. You must ask yourself if any part of you or your mind holding you back towards completing your simplest goals. If there is, identify any part of your behavior that is being a hindrance or puts your plans into disarray. If you do have problems in these areas then the immediate thing to do is to address this problem. Solutions may include a visit to a doctor or psychiatrist to control your emotions.

Careers are made by good time management practice. Failing in a career is often attributed to bad time management. Careers require a lot from an individual which often makes the career the life of the individual. Plan how far do you want to go into your career.

Education is key in achieving your goals. If your goals require you to have a certain kind of degree or require a certain specialization or demand a certain skill to be developed, make plans in getting the appropriate education.

Your family should never be left out of your plans. If you are just starting out then you have to decide if you want to be a parent or when you want to be a parent. You also have to know if you really would be a good parent and how well would you relate to extended family members.

Personal financial situations also play a major role in achieving your goals. Have a realistic goal on how much you really want to earn. You also must be able to create plans or stages by which you will be able to reach your earning potential.

Physically gifted individuals may be able to achieve sports related goals like being in the National Basketball association or National Football League. Determining your physical capabilities should be one of your priorities. Physical limitations could however be conquered with proper planning.

As the saying goes -’All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’, or something to that effect, is by all means true down to the last the letter. Giving yourself a little pleasure: should be included into your plans.

To start achieving your lifetime goals, set a quarter of a century plan, then break it down to 5 year plans then break it down again to 1 year plans, then 6 month plans then monthly plans, then weekly, then daily. Then create a things-to-do list for the day.

Always review your plans and prepare for contingencies.

The basics of goal settings should not be so difficult once you get to be familiar with them.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya ats6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.