Accept Your Weaknesses

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

For years, I had a major weakness: I was extremely judgmental. I recognized it about myself, and I wore the label with pride. What I did not recognize was the fact that I had another weakness that was keeping me judgmental and loud about it: I had low self-esteem.

It’s surprising just how many of our problems are linked to low self-esteem. But if we take a minute to think about why we feel the way we do and consider the negative thoughts we have, we’ll see just how much of it is a branch of that same tree.

For years, I made a bad habit of verbalizing how strong I was. I went along fine like that for a while, but eventually my illusion of perfection came crashing down on me.

Before all of that, I thought I was handling everything well—telling people off when I was angry with them, telling people what I thought about everything even when they didn’t ask, and telling people how weak they were when they wouldn’t stand up for their beliefs.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the thing I thought was my greatest strength was actually a mask for my biggest flaw.

It is human nature to try to cover our flaws, but it is important for us to recognize our imperfections and see how we can use them to improve ourselves.

Of course, it would be best for us to recognize our flaws before they cause us so many problems. But sometimes, great change can come from a breakdown.

I look back on my condition now, and I know how breaking down was the best thing for me. Why? It taught me that people are not perfect. And most importantly, it taught me to face the fact that I wasn’t perfect and I couldn’t continue to bear the heavy burden of the masks I wore.

Being an analytical person, I also wondered why I had always thought other people were so “weak.” If I can’t go out socializing, why am I so intolerant of those with addictions? If I can’t make myself answer the telephone, how can I expect someone who fears confrontation to speak up for herself?

Following that introspection, I became more compassionate. And as I became more compassionate, I became more confident.

No one is perfect. That line is over-quoted and under-appreciated. What does it really mean to us? We say it, but we often think “no one is” means “I am not.” And even worse, we can think “no one is” means “(s)he is not.”

No one is perfect. This is not an excuse to behave poorly or mistreat people. But it is a truth we can use to cut ourselves (and others) a little slack.

When we understand that we all have flaws, and that having flaws makes us human, we can hold our heads a little higher. It gives us a better view of the reality that we really are just as valuable as other people. And more importantly, it helps us understand that the flaws others have are often forgivable.

People who knew me thought they understood what I was going through. They tried to understand the condition from their worldview. The truth was, I only told one person outside of our home just how bad my condition really was.

Because most people didn’t really know how bad I was, many people judged me when I wouldn’t visit their homes when invited or attend their social gatherings. My own family judged me when I didn’t want visitors in our home. So, for a short while, I had a taste of my own bad medicine.

My condition taught me a lot about people and how judgmental they can be. Most importantly, it showed me how judgmental I could be.

I am not angry with those people who treated me that way, because if I hadn’t been through it myself, I likely would have been just as judgmental with someone else in the same condition.

If you have low self-esteem, do you ever think you are the only person? Do you ever think no one else understands? It might seem like that is the case, because people with the lowest self-esteem usually won’t tell people about it.

I used to look at people on television, attending college football games, or other tennis matches, and I would wonder, “Where are all the people like me?”

Well, it was a silly question wasn’t it? The people “like me” are probably locked away, hidden, nervous, and afraid to face the world. They are afraid of the judgment I once passed and later received.

I still struggle to remain confident. That was made evident by the fact that my web site and blog image were initially sketch drawings instead of my picture on them. But, I learnt, and my progress has taught me that if I have come this far, I can keep going.

As I became more self aware, I am stronger today than I was yesterday. I am made stronger by my weaknesses, which have taught me so much.

If we have low self-esteem, it can help us be more compassionate if we use it to our benefit. And through our compassion, our self-esteem can improve.

No one is perfect, but through our imperfections we can become better.

One more article, coming up soon on finding strength in weaknesses...

When a Character Strength Becomes a Weakness

In my youth, I was striven to be “nice.” I tolerated a lot from others. I forgave easily and learned to “turn the other cheek.” I made myself constantly available to other people and asked nothing in return. I remained loyal even when people mistreated me. I helped friends even when my need for help was greater. When friends started calling me their “angel,” I was proud at first.

But soon I became resentful of what that implied. If my purpose was solely to help them, then who would help me? I felt more like a doormat than an angel.

Then, in my early teens, the proverbial pendulum swung the other way. I became protective of my emotional resources and was rather “prickly” at times.

The self-absorption that is typical of adolescence hit me a little later, as a reaction to feeling taken advantage of in previous years. I no longer wanted to be a helper because I no longer wanted to feel used.

This strength of mine—helping—then felt like a weakness.

So for a time, I gave up something I truly valued, because I didn’t know how to use that strength without hurting myself. But after a while, I began to feel a disconnect. It was still important to me to help people— friends, family, and strangers alike. But how could I do it in a way that wouldn’t lead to my downfall?

When a character strength becomes a weakness, how do we maintain what is important to us without the harmful side effects?

If we really examine what’s meaningful to us, we often find there are values underlying our character traits that can guide us.

On the stage of life, values are the casting directors and character traits are the performers. You don’t use the same performer for every role, so the casting director has to use the best performer for each role to drive the point home.

“Accommodating” will not likely be cast when the role calls for “advocating.” Luckily, we each have a whole cast of character traits backstage. But how do you know which trait fits the bill?

Here are some steps to take when you feel like your strengths no longer serve you:

1. Think of a character strength that has also become a weakness for you.

In my case it was “helping.” Helping had center stage for a while, but was getting booed off.

2. Consider: What are the values that underlie that trait? Why do you have that trait?

In my example of “helping,” the underlying values are community, equity, and compassion, to name a few.

3. Think about the ways in which this trait has not served you, and how does that violate the underlying values? In other words, when this trait causes more harm than good, how does the harm go against what’s really important to you?

In my case, helping became something I did to the detriment of my own emotional health, sometimes allowing others to take advantage of me. That certainly violated my values of community, equity, and compassion (toward myself).

When “helping” no longer suited the role, it was time to choose another player.

4. As you move about your world, focus on the “why” of your traits—the underlying values.

When you begin to notice that these traits are not serving you, shift gears to maintain your values. To do this, you may fall back on another strength.

For example, in my case, when I felt like my helping is breaking the flow of community, becoming inequitable, or lacking in compassion toward myself, I reined it in and used a different character strength (perhaps assertive communication or intentional self-care) that best fitted the role.

BTW, this technique can work with all of your strengths: loyalty, trust, enthusiasm, flexibility. When they are not serving you, it may be time to bring another strength into the spotlight, so as not to sabotage your intentions.

5. Once you feel comfortable with that, consider this: Your “weaknesses” may be hidden strengths, waiting in the wings for their turn in the spotlight.

Take some time to think about the “why's" behind them. What values do they express? What purpose do they serve? What role could they play?

Your conflict avoidance may reflect your value of “peace,” but may leave you feeling emotionally stuck.

Your procrastination may reflect your value of “spontaneity,” but may leave you feeling ineffective.

How might you use these traits to serve you? Or how might the underlying value be better expressed? Perhaps the director wants to pull “conflict avoidance” from the stage and put “mediation” out there instead.

It is possible to use all of our traits as strengths, if we are mindful of them and purposeful in their use.

I didn’t abandon my trait of “helping.” In fact, as an executive and business coach, I made a career out of it. But it remains a strength because I now use it only to the extent that it promotes my personal values.

When you feel like the play is falling apart, let the casting directors re-think the cast, and draw on the ample strengths backstage.

More on weakness traits, tomorrow...

Strength in Leardership - Part 2

It is clear, the object is to be of help when called upon, be it a professional or personal nature. As in the case of personal, there are often times when a friend calls for help and the help comes in the form of silence and simply standing by the friend rather than any particular action. In this way the life lesson is very much that of the person in need, except, they also have the love of a friend standing next to them, in support of whatever the choice becomes.

My statement earlier that I did not want to let my friend down pertained more to a need to the importance of that relationship, as clearly we both treasured it. I wanted to convey that our friendship means a lot to me. Also I wanted to let her know that she could count on my strength, in whatever form it may take. Sometimes it has been a silent presence, just holding her hand and other times it is throwing a mirror up to her face (metaphorically speaking), showing her the harsh reality of life. I would not abandon her in her time of need.

In my view, however, all we can really do for someone in need is evaluate the best course of action, take it with dedication and commitment even if it is in silent support no matter who makes the ultimate decision or what comes out of it. At the core of this is then trust and the trust between real friends is indeed mighty.

 

Secondly, about this being a life lesson and an opportunity for her to grow... In fact, we have now reached the ‘tough love’ phase where I am kicking her butt to get in gear and start living again instead of just surviving. She needs this in order to be strong and truly live again. I can see her pain and suffering today though and that is tough to watch. I have gone through what I termed ‘a living nightmare’, and I would have gladly avoided the experience at the time even if it meant losing out on the life lessons learned. Using the term unfortunately just means she has to do it, and I can’t lie to her and tell her it will be easy. Sometimes life is just hard and that is the unfortunate part. There will come a time, probably a few years from now, where she will look back and know she grew and became a stronger person because of her crisis, but that day is not today.

I think, a dialogue like this is very valuable for us all to learn and grow ourselves.

Strength in Leadership

When referring to Leadership, there is an inherent expectation of strength. In regards to teams, the leader of the team is the one to provide the guidance and the power when necessary. What about those times when it is not formal Leadership? 

For example, a friend calls who is in crisis and needs help. You are a friend, peer, and equal with this person; although at that moment, you are subconsciously lifted into a position of leadership. How do you handle that type of situation? This recently happened with me, so I am writing from a personal perspective. A friend needed help, and I was the one she asked for support. I did not think about it at that moment, but looking back, I am so honored and humbled that she would think of me in that time of crisis. Her comment was I would provide strength. My response was that I would not let her down. (Why is it that I would not let her down?) This scenario led me to think about sharing on the topic of strength.

 

We look for Leadership in not only our professional life but, we need it in our personal lives as well. When we have the honor of being able to help and support others, we are de-facto  leaders in their lives, which is not a responsibility to be taken lightly, although it is different than being a team leader. Leadership in this context has to be much more influential and subtle. The truth is, people can and will do what they choose to do.

This is a big point – while I am going to be the solid, dependable, constant friend, I cannot take on her burden for her; unfortunately, it is hers to handle. (Can we change this word 'unfortunate' to 'fortunate'? After all, here is an opportunity for my friend to grow and learn from adversity. Why deprive her of a valuable life lesson?) I think we try to assume too much during some of these situations, which can lead to disaster for all parties. We, as leaders in others’ lives, especially during crisis times, can only provide advice and support to help our friends walk down their own path in life. In my opinion, part of being in a friendship is our willingness to be there as that support and provide that strength for others when they cannot do it themselves.

I would like to hear your thoughts on some of the questions in italics that were listed above in parenthesis. Please join me tomorrow, when I'll post my additional analysis on this.

Amygdala Hijacks – Part 3

I am sure you have heard many stories of people performing superhuman feats when in life-threatening situations. Known as the ‘fight or flight’ response and first described by American psychologist Walter Bradford as long ago as 1915, it is basically the activation of our brain’s automated survival mode. Here is how it works:

Your brain’s most important function is to keep you alive. It does so by regulating your heart rate, body temperature and a myriad other physiological functions but also by constantly scanning the environment for possible threats and rewards. What we refer to as our ‘senses’ is in fact a finely tuned network of nerves connecting our brains with our ears, eyes, nose, lips/tongue, skin, and rest of our body parts via the spinal cord. Sensory nerves continuously gather information from the environment and then send it back to the central nervous system where it is assessed for possible threats or rewards. So, as you walk through any unfamiliar surroundings, your brains are already on high alert, even if your travel-weary minds are not consciously aware of this.

When a threatening event suddenly appears, your brain’s limbic systems (the amygdala, in particular) responds in a fraction of a second by activating the sympathetic nervous system which causes a release of hormones such as adrenaline and noradrenaline which in turn ‘supercharge’ them to either fight or flee for survival. As part of this process your heart rate and blood pressure increase, breathing accelerates, pupils dilate, and blood vessels in many parts of your body become constricted to force more blood into the larger muscles where the blood vessels become dilated for better performance. The result: in fully automated “flee” mode you turn around and probably run faster than ever before to reach the safety.

Scanning the Social Jungle

So, what’s new and what does outrunning a startled wild animal have to do with the majority of the world’s population whose only contact ever with predators are on Discovery Channel or in the zoological Parks? Quite a bit – one of the most significant findings in neuroscience research over the last couple of years has been that the same automated neural responses which are activated when we face a physical threat such as an alligator or lion are also activated in social situations. Your brain is not only constantly scanning the physical environment for possible threats, it is also closely monitoring the social environment – wherever you are interacting with other people. When you are enjoying supper with the family; supporting your child at a sporting event; working out at the gym; or trying to hold your own during a meeting at work – the behavior of those around you is closely scrutinized and any perceived threat can trigger the fight or flight response in your brain.

What makes it worse is that threat responses have a greater impact and are far more powerful and easier to trigger than reward responses. In other words, we experience negative interactions with other people much more intensely than positive interactions of similar magnitude. So, when you are in a meeting and you tell someone that they are not performing as expected, the negative impact of that criticism is much greater than the positive impact when, for instance, you thank someone for a job well done. What this amounts to is that our negative interactions can trigger automated ‘fight or flight’ responses at any time and in any place.

Fewer Resources for Clear Thinking

Why is this so bad? In a time when, more than ever before in history we need people to be engaged and motivated and creative in order to give us the competitive edge, fight or flight responses can be a serious detriment to a group or an individual’s success. While a sarcastic remark from a colleague or a scowling manager would hardly send most of us running back to our cubicles, an activated fight or flight mode does have a severely negative impact on our ability to perform. When the brain senses a threat, even in the office, it allocates more of its resources such as glucose and oxygen to the muscles and parts of the body needed to fight or flee (resulting in the same physiological changes as described earlier). As a result, the Prefrontal Cortex – the part of the brain where conscious thought takes place - our ‘working memory’ – receives less resources and its working is thereby impaired (this effect could last for up to four hours after the threat-incident). When our brains are in this threat-induced ‘limp mode’, it severely impairs our ability to:

§  solve problems;

§  make decisions;

§  think creatively;

§  focus your attention;

§  discern between right and wrong;

§  memorize information;

§  recall information;

§  communicate effectively;

§  collaborate with others;

§  understand consequences;

§  cope with adversity;

§  correctly interpret other people’s behavior; and

§  inhibit impulses.

Cavemen in Suits and High Heels

The human race has devised technology which has radically transformed the world we live in and will continue to do so for years to come. We have powerful telescopes that can peer into deepest space; we have super computers that can perform complex calculations in the blink of an eye; we travel faster than the speed of sound; we create data at a scale that could never be conceived before; we have access to nearly all the world’s information via the internet; and we can communicate with just about anyone, anywhere, anytime.

However, in spite of these great advancements our brains are still operating much as it did thousands of years ago when it had to protect us from wild animals. Just how primitive our brains still are in this regard is illustrated by a study in 2011 which found that even when people look at pictures of animals, specific parts of the amygdala respond almost instantly. So, while we are living in this high-tech world of miracles and wonder, our brains are still pretty much in the cave, trying to keep us alive not only by responding to real physical threats, but also to perceived sharks and grizzly bears in the social environment.

The Price of Your Roar

From the brain’s perspective, workplaces become ‘enemy territory’ if leaders or co-workers behave in a way that trigger constant threats. In such conditions, people are simply not able to perform at their best. Over time they become chronically stressed (an enduring fight or flight condition) and as a result even more sensitive to perceived threats. Thus a negative snowball-effect is created where critical success factors such as job satisfaction, trust, motivation, engagement, productivity and the overall well-being of individuals all diminish as their brains are constantly engaged in a fight for survival. The cost in terms of results and revenue could be considerable.

Here is the best part: It is true that when faced with a perceived threat (even non-physical threats) the brain reacts PHYSICALLY and shuts a lot of thinking (preparing the body to do battle); however, the brain also does the exact opposite when it perceives an opportunity and lights up the brain, releasing "feel-good" neuro-peptides and increasing brain function.

As leaders, understanding this gives us the opportunity to change our behavior in order to minimize the negative effect that it might have on those around us. While changing behavior is often difficult, neuroscience research is showing that rewiring our brains and changing our behavior is indeed possible. By practicing the principles of neuroscience in combination with the Quantum Physics of Beliefs, we can stop being the predators which others run away from, and instead become the catalysts of positive engagement.

Understanding how people’s behavior and our interactions in the social environment impacts our neurological processes is also a powerful starting point to manage our own brains and minimize negative responses such as stress, anxiety, emotional thinking and aggression. (Please read my other blog posts for some practical tips on how to practice these principles.)

Now, here's the REALLY interesting thing... we have found that the axiological (HVP/VQ) Personality Profile identifies exactly which way(s) of thinking are likely to perceive things predominantly as threats and which ones will see opportunities. Then, we can teach people how to shift their perspective from threat to opportunity in a heartbeat. This is even beyond Emotional Intelligence.

Knowing what the brain is doing is good. Being able to willfully change how you think is even better. The power of neuro-axiology lies in giving people the ability to transform themselves in an instant, rather than having to either release or suppress the stress. It empowers people to shift perspectives and go from stressed to blessed in a heartbeat.

In our daily lives, we connect with our stakeholders, processes, and polices with every transactions. We know what can be done better and what frustrates our shareholders and how we can improve the customer experience. Even so, we work for hierarchical organizations and although we say that titles don't matter, they matter from a fear perspective. We have many leaders that lead from a more traditional (and antiquated) management style - controlling, monitoring, delegating, etc. Our leaders don't realize that they are leading from a perspective that creates 'fight or flight' responses for their employees and our employees revert back to the safe mode of just doing what they are told. Although the fear response leaders evoke from their followers is unintentional, I believe that this article may help raise a great question for today's leaders, "Rather than trying too hard to change those around me, maybe it's my behaviors I need to change to create a safe environment in which my followers can change."

Namaste!

Amygdala Hijacks – Part 2

Last year, around this time of the year, I did a radio talk on VoARadio Network on a topic of  Quantum Physics of Belief – Emotions  and also followed up with a blog article in response to a listener question on Amygdala Hijacks. (You may want to click on the hyperlinks, to refresh your memory on those events.) This week, I thought it appropriate to extend this discussion to shed some more light on this topic. 

Let me illustrate a scenario to make it easy to understand and also set a suitable setting for this discussion. You have arranged a status meeting on a marketing campaign that you are leading. You have got a full agenda to cover so you get to the conference room a few minutes early to make sure the PowerPoint is ready. Some of your team members are already there, and they are obviously grumbling and moaning about something. You hear some of their mumblings, while they snarl and shake their heads. But, you need to get them focused on the meeting agenda, so you avoid getting into their conversation. Just as you are ready to start the meeting, a few more people show up and now you see even more snarling and hear even more derogatory remarks about the managers who are meeting in another conference room down the hall from where you are.

You know there is absolutely nothing you or the team can do to influence what’s happening down the hall, and spending time discussing it will just put your project behind. However, you also know the team is emotionally panicked by this threat, and you need to do something to get them to refocus on the project. What would you do?

So, you tell them that they have got fifteen minutes to talk about it, and start by saying you have no idea what’s being discussed down the hall, but lots of companies are moving to the cloud and the company needs to position itself to meet the challenges that are considered a real threat.

Give a 15 minute air time. Spending fifteen minutes on it won’t resolve anything, and those fifteen minutes of team time are precious to your project. You are not being cavalier with the team’s emotions but rather you are skillfully helping them process their fear.

You know that acknowledging a threat will make it less distracting than having it loom as a possibility. Our emotional system, the amygdala (section of the brain, see picture below) in particular, is designed to continuously scan our surroundings for potential threats and warn our conscious mind if one arises. It’s part of our survival instinct. We are always subconsciously looking for patterns that could warn us of danger. We may subconsciously hear someone say “quarterly sales are down” and suddenly our amygdala sends a warning that puts our body on red alert and tells our conscious mind that our job is in danger. If our conscious mind ignores or denies it, our emotional system keeps sounding the alarm. This keeps our amygdala active and makes it difficult to concentrate on anything else. You can imagine how vital this would be if you were hiking in Alaska and a Grizzly bear were approaching.

  

Not only does the amygdala warn us of possible danger, it also heavily influences our thinking. If there is a looming potential threat, our amygdala becomes more active and extra vigilant to determine if the threat is real. It can shift our entire brain into a withdrawal orientation, where all of our attention is focused on the threat. This can raise mental filters that bias subsequent information processing, causing us to look at the world through a filter that interprets ambiguous events as possible dangers. We see the managers walk into a meeting and we jump to the conclusion that they are talking about getting rid of our job.

Acknowledging a threat brings it into consciousness where it can be processed. If our conscious mind acknowledges the threat and either takes precautionary action or decides that none is needed, our amygdala can let up. It can stop scanning for the threat and the mental filters can be dropped. We can then concentrate on something else.

When you acknowledge something as a threat; it then becomes recognized in the consciousness of each person, rather than looming as a potential threat triggering their amygdala. You also give your team some time to determine if follow-up action is needed. The team, as well as each individual, can consciously decide how they are going to process this threat. They may decide to have a follow-up discussion to assess realistic alternatives or they may make a mental note to reconsider their personal career path. Whatever they decide in those fifteen minutes will ideally be enough to satisfy their emotional mind that the threat has been acknowledged and will be handled.

This doesn’t mean the threat is resolved in that fifteen minutes, but rather there is a plan in place to resolve it. This is one reason why solid issue and risk management in a team is so powerful. They tell our emotional systems that they don’t need to be constantly on duty scanning for the threat because we have a conscious process to deal with it.

If you had tried to squelch the conversation and get the team to focus on the project at hand, the team would have had difficulty moving past the fear. Their emotional systems would have kept surfacing it to get their conscious minds to pay attention. You shifted the fearful potential threat into a conscious thought that could be processed, which helped each person put their attention on the project at hand.

As we learn more from neuroscience about the incredible power of group emotions, we see reasons to adopt techniques beyond the ordinary. How are you dissipating the Amygdala hijacks in your daily life? I'd love to hear your stories (please use the comments section below.)

Namaste.

Do You Always "GET" What the Other Person is Saying to You?

If people don’t understand what we are saying, then we are just broadcasting instead of really communicating. We want to feel understood. We want to know that the person we are talking to “gets” what we are saying. This is why learning to express our understanding in a conversation is so important, especially in customer and employee interactions. It helps us to feel like we are listened to; and, it makes our communications more effective as well as efficient.

How does it affect the way you feel about a person or company when you sense that they understand you?

What other techniques do you use to provide feedback that you “get” what the other person is saying?

The definition of successful communication is message received and understood. While we may understand with crystal clarity everything that is communicated to us, the communicator needs to know that they are being understood. A feedback loop must be created to communicate back to the person engaged with us that the message they are sending is not only being received but understanding is being achieved. When we are the ones communicating, it confirms for us that we have expressed what we intended when our audience gives us feedback that lets us know they “get” it. When it’s “gotten”, we feel connected because we are really communicating.

Beyond simple head nods and affirming grunts, what can we do to show others that we have both received and understood their messages?

Here are 4 tips for confirming understanding:

1) Use confirming statements. This calls for the other person to listen to you to ensure that they have communicated what they intended. This is especially beneficial when looking for a resolution to a customer issue where they are emotionally charged about the situation and/or there are a number of complicating variables.

“Let me make sure I understand… ”

“Let me repeat this back to you… ”

2) Summarize key facts. Review your understanding of the critical issues. This builds agreement about the situation and shared values. It also provides an opportunity for the customer to relate any needs they may have overlooked as well as variables and barriers that may influence their decisions. 

“What I hear you saying is… ”

“So it sounds like… ”

3) Ask if your understanding is correct. Check in with them to make sure that you understand what they want you to understand. This gives them an opportunity to clarify any points or offer more information.

“Do I have it right?”

“Have I missed anything?”

4) Clarify misunderstandings if necessary and reflect your new understanding. When new information is brought to light or a point is clarified, reflect what you understand them to say and how it relates to the other information already provided. Instead of feeling like they are talking to someone who doesn’t understand, this reduces tension and builds feelings that they will be understood.

“Oh, it’s not… it’s actually…”

“I understand now that…”

Too often, sales agents may take action without thoroughly understanding the customer’s situation or real needs. Confirming your understanding helps you uncover more needs and recommend the best solutions with the highest value to your customers. If you are faced with a customer issue, don’t forget to use the techniques of assurance and regret to recognize the customer’s emotional needs and build a constructive rapport with upset customers.  

Lots More to Leadership, Listening and Gaining Commitment

PART VI

I hope that these series of articles have aided your understanding of these elements of managing people. There is much more to them such as the actions to put these concepts into practice, the specific “How To's" of listening. I encourage you to think about values and projecting high standards of them to your workforce. I did and was able to create significant per person productivity gains and achieved true excellence through happy, industrious, turned-on people.

Servant Leaders persistently engage in active listening and servant leadership practices reflect an enduring philosophy of leadership rather than isolated or even connected actions. It is a different way of thinking about the purpose of leadership, the true role of the leader, and the potential of those being led. It is not something that you do, but rather something you are.

Therefore, the listening construct associated with servant leadership implies a persistent communicative posture derived from the leader's core character and marked by 

1) personal self-reflection, 

2) an attentive attitude towards others, and 

3) consequent attentive practices.

Such a leader is one who ventures and takes the risks of going out ahead to show the way and whom others follow voluntarily, because they are persuaded that the leader's path is the right one – for them, probably better than they could devise for themselves. Thus, in addition to listening, persuasion appears to be a critical element in the formulation of a servant leader relative to the leader's communicative patterns.

I'd like to hear your comments, remarks etc on any concepts that I tried to portray in these series of articles on 'Active listening as part of the effective communication strategies.' 

Namaste!

Gaining Commitment - Understanding the Process

PART V

To be committed, one must have ownership. To have ownership, one must be able to influence. And to influence, one must be heard and be reasonably answered. So when management does the "WHAT IFs", subordinates are in reasonable control or ownership of their workplace. When nothing is done without their knowledge and all useful knowledge is shared with them, applying their brainpower to every aspect of the workplace becomes a worthwhile effort. They are suddenly released to their own motivations, otherwise known as being turned-on! In this mode, control is rationally affected through the worker’s self-control and through commonly held value standards since they and only they are used as criteria to decide what is “right”.

The above is also a part of the answer to the question of trust. With protected rights to knowledge, reasons and planned outcomes before execution, subordinates own the outcomes and can freely trust all because they themselves did it. The question of trust becomes less important and peace of mind prevails. There may be threats of external competition, but with knowledge and rights of ownership everyone will get behind slaughtering the opposition.

Note that in this mode, the boss provides information and assistance in moving toward being highly motivated/committed so each subordinate can take charge and come to their own conclusions rather than sit around and follow. In this mode, the boss has faith that people will effectively resolve issues on their merits and believes that authoritative declarations are self-defeating.

But too often direction gets in the way of ownership and this preempts commitment. This is a "cart before the horse" error common to many management techniques and styles. The most basic reason may be that bosses have no faith or trust. They don’t trust juniors to arrive at reasonable conclusions and thus deny them information, rationales, value standards and listening. These bosses are greatly limiting their own success. Leadership is trusting your subordinates to provide valuable input and it is rewarded by their trust in you and their commitment to the job. It has significant positive bottom line implications to your company!

Please come back tomorrow for the final part of this mini-series.

So, How is Listening the Doorway to Gaining Subordinate Commitment?

PART IV

First off, problems and difficulties occur in any work group with a predetermined regularity dictated by the extent to which employees are motivated/committed and the difficulty of the work. The lower the extent and the higher the difficulty, the greater the number of problems and the longer each remains before resolution. Highly motivated and committed workers continually strive for excellence. The more committed they are, the more they act to find solutions to problems. The less committed the less energy and thought they devote to correction and the more time they spend causing problems.

Secondly, I have heard many, many employees in the midst of a bad workplace say all they want is for someone to listen to them once in awhile. They state how great that would be even if little is ever done. That's real hunger! The obvious question is why should they turn on their brainpower in the morning if no one will listen? Why try to be creative to make improvements for the sake of productivity or quality, or make suggestions to reduce cost if NO ONE LISTENS? The answer is, it would be dumb to try if NO ONE WILL LISTEN. "To hell with them! Why make an effort if they don't care what I think?" Leave your brain at the door!

The sad thing is many bosses, high and low, are so busy giving orders and direction that subordinates do in fact decide to leave their brainpower at the door. This is very common. People with suggestions are viewed as troublemakers or whiners. "Shut up and get back to work." In this mode, no one can participate or be involved. They can only be a number or a pawn, and they know that no one Cares.

     WHAT IF people could put in their Two Cents any time they chose and management would always listen and get back to them with possible actions and/or answers?

      WHAT IF they were allowed to add their Two Cents again on this response and the process would continue until management had decided on a course which seemed reasonable to everyone?

      WHAT IF management only changed things after conducting this dialogue?

      WHAT IF in response to questions, our bosses were FORTHRIGHT and provided the real answers and their Whys?

      WHAT IF management took this one step further and went out of its way to provide information relevant to job, company and anything which might affect or be of interest to each employee?

      WHAT IF the working level could get in on the ground level with work plans and policies before they turned to cement, get in on what works and how it was to be done before starting? 

Would you like to be the boss of such a workplace?

Think what you could accomplish if suddenly your own brainpower was multiplied by the number of employees you have.

Please stay tuned in to tomorrow's article on 'Understanding the Process of Gaining Commitment.'

So, How is Listening the Gateway to Superior Leadership?

PART III

From the previous article, you may now realize that your leadership is sending some messages that need fixing. So, how can you improve your leadership? The solution is to go out and LISTEN, listen to complaints about your support, messages of low standards. Then correct that condition and do it to the receiver’s satisfaction. This corrects the problem thereby making the worker’s job easier, corrects your poor leadership from misleading others and provides living proof that you really care about your people. In addition, this process of detection and correction teaches workers how to solve problems, how to treat customers and how to use value standards in the workplace. One stone can kill more than one bird.

Luckily for you, these workers don’t use the value standards they got from you to judge what goes on around them. What they use are their own value standards and all of their values are good, for instance everyone believes in honesty. Since each worker has different standards compared to the next worker, each will be bothered more by one thing, and less by another. Taken collectively, they disclose most of the problems, if not all problems. And by the way, if most of them line up against one particular thing, rest assured that thing requires major fixing.

So, get out with your people, listen to their complaints and suggestions, and take corrective action. Corrective action may be just an explanation of certain details unknown by the worker. Whatever it is, corrective action must be timely, of unquestionably high quality and must include getting back to the originator to find out if your intended fix is acceptable (don’t put the fix into action before getting feedback). As I mentioned in the previous article on Leadership through Support, this is your leadership and you want it to reflect only the highest standards for every value. The values of significance are: honesty, industriousness, confidence, positive attitude, compassion, humility, admission of error, perseverance, fairness, forgiveness, forthrightness, trust, courtesy, grit, heroism, knowledge, integrity, quality, loyalty and selflessness.

Listening itself must be conducted in such a way as to reflect high standards of the above values. Your tone of voice and attitude are crucial. You must make clear that you know you are making the worker’s job more difficult than it should be, albeit without intending to do so, but that you are willing to make needed corrections. Let them know you are the supplier of support and they are your customers. Act like it, body language, facial expressions, smiles, etc! The customer is always right so, act that way and say it several times. In addition, you may have to ask questions to flesh out the problem or to get the worker to talk. Suffice it to say that bosses are scary people in general and you need to gain the worker’s trust before they can really open up. Making clear that you are their servant as concerns support issues is a big step in the right direction.

After you start hacking away at the forest of your bad or low quality leadership, workforce performance will improve almost in lockstep. Don’t be surprised, just keep at it. It makes no difference if you are a lower or higher level boss, the effect on the people for whom you are responsible is the same.

Listening has a large number of associated positive effects as well as opportunities for superior leadership not mentioned herein. The only additional effect I will discuss is commitment.

Please stay tuned to tomorrow's article on Gaining Subordinate Commitment.

Leadership through Support

PART II

We all know that every boss is responsible for providing support to the workforce. Support generally includes such elements as training, discipline, rewards, tools, parts and materials, technical advice, guidance and direction, planning information, documentation, procedures, rules and, last but not least, peace of mind.

Each element of support projects certain value standards. For example, tools can be of high, medium or low quality. They can be clean or dirty, easily available or hard to get, of the latest technology or the oldest, always or rarely there when needed, easy or too difficult to replace, complete with or lacking in adequate documentation, always or rarely operable, or somewhere in between these extremes. The same is true for every other element of support. Taken collectively, they constitute the boss’ leadership, actually the leadership of all bosses in the chain above the worker. This leadership stares in the face of every worker every day.

So, now that it’s out there for all to see, what does a worker do with all this leadership, these hundreds if not thousands of leadership messages? The vast majority of workers use these messages to determine how; industriously or lazily, safely or unsafely, courteously or discourteously, knowledgeably or ignorantly, expertly or sloppily, cleanly or uncleanly, openly or close to the vest (admit to errors?), caringly or uncaringly, honestly or dishonestly and so forth to do their work. 

Did I say caringly? Yes, the worker figures out from the quality of all this support whether or not the boss cares about the worker. In addition, whatever that standard for caring is, the worker turns around and uses it to treat the company’s customers and other people in the workplace. 

Did I say honestly? Yes, if the boss states that a particular tool or piece of equipment is adequate while the worker knows this is not true, the worker assumes that the boss knows better and thus concludes that the boss is being dishonest. The message is that a low standard for honesty is OK. "If you can do it so can I" takes over from there.

Please stay tuned to tomorrow's article on the Gateway to Superior Leadership.

Don't Leave Your Brain at the Door

PART I

Listening is not only the gateway to superior leadership but also the doorway to gaining the commitment of subordinates. Listening is the most important of all leadership skills. Leadership at its best is a coherent strategy to cause employees to utilize their full brainpower in performing their work; to be highly creative, productive, motivated and committed rather than turned off and poorly motivated as in "leaving their brain at the door." Although the full strategy is well beyond the scope of this blog, I'll attempt to present how leadership itself really works in a series of articles over the next few days.  [BTW, please note that these daily articles are NOT pushed out via email. You must visit this site (or subscribe to the RSS feed so that you will automatically be notified when new articles are posted) to access the remaining articles of this series that will be posted daily. ]

Deep in the set of normal human temperament is the tendency to broadcast rather than to receive. We would rather talk than listen; rather put out than to take in. Servant Leaders possess a temperament that values listening above talking. When one is leading with a purpose, this disposition causes one to be seen as a servant first. Thus, a leader's listening disposition encompasses getting in touch with one's own inner voice and seeking to understand what one's body, mind, and spirit are communicating. This type of active listening that undergirds the other qualities of servant leadership such as, awareness and empathy, requires listening not just to what others are saying, but also to our own internal voice.

To commit to being a servant leader, you must create time to reflect in order to understand who you are, and how you relate to staff, customers, and the larger community. The self-reflective listening is rooted in a genuine interest in the viewpoints and perspectives of those served. Attentive listening is basically an attitude – really wanting to understand. It is also a technique. But, the technique without the attitude is phony.  Servant leadership is all about taking the time to serve. In essence, a servant leader makes time for people to serve and support – even when there is not any time available.

Tomorrow's article will describe how that is done. Please stay tuned in.