But They are Not Me

I was on a hike with my friend Cliff, when he started talking about how he gets great photos of all his outdoor adventures right there on his cell phone.

“It’s so easy, Surya,” he said, “You just plug your phone into a USB port on your computer, upload to your Pictures folder…” as he kept describing the steps I’d have to take, it started to sound less and less like English and I kept asking more questions. He stopped short of saying, “C’mon, any dummy can do it,” but I could tell that’s what he was thinking.

Easy? I don’t think so. Not for me.

“So, Cliff,” I interrupted, “How’s your [blog] article writing coming along these days?”

As Cliff knows, I have been writing articles my whole life.

“What’s the problem, Cliff? It’s so easy! You just think of something, imagine what you would do in a similar situation and describe it in simple words. That's all there is to it.”

He got my point.

Technology is easy for Cliff. Writing comes easier to me.

What’s this got to do with leadership and accountability? The people you work with are not you. There are going to be tasks in the work day that come more naturally to you than to them.

They are not you.

This is one of the first things I remind leaders of when they start complaining that a person or team is not living up to their expectation. When what the leader is really expecting is what THEY would do in the same situation.

The key is to approach these situations respectfully and professionally. You don’t rub it in people’s face or act as though there’s something wrong with them. They are not you. And that’s not a fault, it’s a fact. There are plenty of things they are good at that you are not. Acknowledge people for their strengths, and then clearly define what you want them to do; without assuming they should already know, and without judging them for not knowing.

They are not you. And don’t forget it.

While many people would rather die than speak in front of a group, public speaking is another one of those things that comes naturally to Dr. Surya Ganduri. He offers keynotes, presentations, tele-seminars and webinars as well as corporate and annual meetings, offsite retreats and full-day or half-day facilitated workshops designed to suit your business culture and help you create accountability throughout your organization. Contact him today to find out more.

ALL Limiting Beliefs Victimize You

We all are deceived; sometimes. We are artists of self-deception. We are afraid to look at reality. We are afraid to take full responsibility for our lives. Some of the language we use points out to our limiting beliefs—beliefs that keep us from living the life we are suppose to live.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

I don’t know how to (fill in the blank).

 I come across this limiting belief often in my coaching practice. Unfortunately, we use this language as an easy way out. Whether it’s a business owner who says, “I don’t know how to increase my sales” or an executive who states, “I don’t know what the boss wants” or a husband who claims, “I don’t know where to find a job” ... the fact remains the same: We are responsible for finding out. Recently, I have been facing this scenario myself. I don’t know what to do regarding a particular business decision. Yet it’s my job to find out. So, I am doing my research. I am asking those wiser than myself. I am praying and seeking God’s direction. But, I refuse to stay stuck.

I don’t have time.

In other words, I am too busy to (fill in the blank). I used to say this every day!

Saying that we don’t have time for something is a lie because it presupposes that time is something we can acquire and control. No! Time is the same for everyone. It doesn’t change. What does change are our priorities. Consequently, this limiting belief keeps us from taking full responsibility of how we use our time and whether or not we honor the people and things that are most important.

If I am successful, then I am happy.

Significance far outweighs success. Perhaps you have acquired a great deal of what this world deems success—a beautiful house, a housekeeper to go with that beautiful house, fancy restaurants, a well-known reputation. Good for you! But, there comes a time in all of our lives when we look at ourselves critically and ask, “Is this what I am here for?” We were designed with a purpose. Have you found yours? Are you living a life of significance and meaning? The limiting belief that success is everything will crush a person’s very own spirit and soul.

Limiting beliefs pervade our thoughts. We speak them everyday—to ourselves, to others. You can discover a wealth of information if you look behind these limiting beliefs. It’s not easy; it's not pretty either. And, while confronting ourselves with the truth takes strength and humility, in the end we can arise not as victims but as victors.

Genuine Leadership Beliefs

Get it right on the inside and you will get it right on the outside. 

That’s good advice that is rarely followed in today’s global corporate management circles. Instead there seems to be a focus on just getting it right on the outside. This can work, but it will probably leave your direct reports feeling a little empty at best—or distrusting at worst.

When leaders focus only on their behaviors and outside appearances, they are presenting a thin veneer of leadership that can work for a short while, but it eventually breaks down—especially under pressure.

Wondering how you can get it right on the inside instead of working so hard to act in a prescribed way on the outside? Here are some ways to get started. These are based on answers to such questions as, “Who was your best boss?” and “What made them so special?”

See people as assets to develop instead of liabilities to manage. Good leadership begins with a fundamental belief in people and the value that they can bring to a company. Where do you stand on this? What do you believe in? Do you focus on people’s strengths and how to maximize them, or do you tend to focus on weaknesses and how to correct them? How does that impact your leadership behaviors?

Assume the best. People have good days and bad days. They make mistakes; they exhibit poor judgment; and they sometimes let you down. How do you react to these situations? What is the story that you are telling yourself about their actions? Are you assuming they had good intentions and just fell short, or does this just go to show that you were right about them all along? Your resulting leadership behavior will be very different depending on your mindset.

See yourself as a leader instead of as an evaluator. Part of leadership is matching skill sets to the overall goals of the organization. The ability to discern talent and apply it effectively is an important quality. But don’t make that the sole focus of your leadership. Instead, go beyond getting the right people in the right positions and actively work to help them succeed in their roles. See their success as a partnership between you and them. When people sense that you are on their side, helping them to succeed, they act and perform very differently than if they feel that you are primarily judging and evaluating them.

Beliefs and attitudes drive your behaviors. In today’s open and connected world, you have to be genuine and authentic. Leaders who get it right on the inside naturally display genuine behaviors on the outside that people respond to. Take a look at your leadership beliefs. Work on the inside first.

What IF You Don't Have the Resources to be Successful?

When you have unlimited resources, the goals / priorities / focus don’t really matter. If you have twice as much money and the time to achieve a simple task to getting it right the first time isn’t as important as you might have otherwise thought.

The idea of “having enough resources” is just a logical interpretation of your current situation. Most of the time, it’s an attitude issue, related to your prioritizing skills.

It might seem like you have to achieve success the first time around — or that you might run out of money, manpower and experience — but what if that just might be a perception illusion. What if getting it right the first time means that you only achieve mediocrity? Is that good enough for you? What if running out of money means you have to deliver a product that isn’t beautiful? Does beauty matter? What about functionality? How would you make the product ready for market?

You subconsciously place all kinds of restrictions and inhibitions around what you need to do in order to be successful — magically hoping that by playing by the rules your  formula for success will yield better results than the last time.

There is no scarcity. No real scarcity for anything that matters. As long as you can think and work you have everything that you need in order to be successful. Logically, at some point you run out of time and money and opportunity. That’s just common sense. But the truth is that you have more resources than you realize right now.  You have better resources.

And so, sometimes feeling like you are running out of resources is a healthy thing. It reminds you that what you are doing today matters. It reminds you that the choices you make are important; and relevant. And that those choices ultimately determine how successful you become.

It's never been about the resources that you have. At some point all of your resources will be gone. Whether its life or health or money or friends, at some point, those things go away. What you are left with is the resource that you are. You. You are left with you.  And that’s not altogether such a bad deal after all. Because you can do with no one else can do.

You can care more. You can whine less. You can stand up when you have been knocked down. You can smile in spite of the pain. You can live, laugh, love, and lead all while feeling broke and sad and unprepared.

It’s not the resources you have but how resourceful you are that really matters. So act like it.

Matching Your Mood to the Task at Hand

There are, of course, no easy solutions to managing emotions on an hourly basis in the often difficult circumstances in which Leaders must operate and make decisions.

But can you afford, as a leader, to even entertain this thought? All of the research on employee performance points to the contrary. There is a concept in French which is called "Noblesse oblige". It means, roughly, that wealth, power and prestige go hand-in-hand with certain social responsibilities – in other words, with privilege comes duty. It is a privilege when we have the opportunity to lead a team of people, but with it comes many responsibilities, chief of which, some leadership pundits would contend, is managing moods.

In a research study conducted at Harvard Business School, it was found that up to 30% of a company's financial results as measured by key business performance indicators such as revenue growth, return on sales, efficiency and profitability are determined by the climate of the organization.

So what is the major factor that drives the climate of an organization? It's the Leader.

More than two thirds of how employees perceive their organization's climate is attributable to the actions and behaviors of their leader. A leader creates the environment that determines people's moods at work and their mood, in turn, affects their productivity and level of engagement.

The brain is like an instrument we can tune for the job at hand - something like tuning a guitar to the right key for a song. Cognitive research shows that reading the fine print in a contract takes a very different state than, say, coming up with a clever name for your business.

Our emotions are the keyboard we play in tuning our brains. Here are some of the ways moods match to tasks at hand. By allowing the brain to generate a greater fluidity of thoughts, our positive moods make us better at coming up with novel ideas, solving problems, and making decisions.

On the downside, though, upbeat moods make us a bit more gullible, by weakening our ability to detect the weaknesses in an argument someone is making. We are more prone to making snap decisions we might regret later. And we are less careful in paying attention to the details of tasks.

The upside of being down, or at least more somber; we can more easily focus on those details we missed or ignored while we were upbeat - we pay more attention even to boring jobs. The take home is - get serious before you read that contract.

Some other benefits to sour moods - we are more skeptical, and so less likely to take someone's word for it - even an expert's. We ask more questions and come to our own independent conclusion.

Then there is anger. Aristotle said, "anyone can get angry - that's easy. But to get angry in the right way, for the right reason, at the right time, and with the right person - that's not so easy."

So, you found an unfair charge on your credit card bill? Get angry - but in the right way. Anger - which can so readily get us to do or say something we regret later - has its virtues. If we can channel the anger, it raises our energy and focuses us on changing things for the better - persisting in complaining until we get that charge removed.

Some downsides of anger are obvious, like the toxicity it puts in the air for those around us. But some costs are more subtle - anger makes us pessimistic, and so more likely to give up rather than keep trying after some setback. We have a built-in negative bias toward everything we see, and so a negative spin in our judgments. And then there is the problem that our emotions are contagious - so if we are cranky at the office, we can, not only ruin everyone else's day, but also their effectiveness.

Love Your Enemies Meditation

This meditation will take anywhere from five to 20 minutes, or even longer if you wish.

It is recommended that you stay in Steps 1 and 2 for one to two minutes each; in Step 3 for three to five minutes; and in Step 4 for five to 15 minutes.

Step by Step

1. Get into a comfortable, seated position, either in a chair with your legs uncrossed, or on the floor. Adjust your posture so that your spine is upright, yet your body feels relaxed. Rest your hands in your lap or on your thighs, with the palms facing up or down.

2. Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breathing. Take a few conscious and deep abdominal breaths. Let your exhalations carry out any tension or anxiety you are feeling now, and use them throughout your meditation to expel any tension or anxiety that comes up.

 

If it is helpful, you may use the affirmations—"I am" on the in-breath and "calm and relaxed" on the out-breath—to center yourself during this practice.

3. Bring your awareness to your heart. Allow your breaths to massage this area. Notice any specific feelings or thoughts you may have about yourself, people you know, or any particular event. Cultivate a detached and nonjudgmental attitude to anything that comes up for you.

4. Continue to focus on the heart area while doing the following:

• Cultivate a friendly and accepting attitude toward yourself and your friends.

• Develop feelings of compassion and understanding for all those who suffer. 

• Be joyful in your thoughts about a particular person who is important to you or a saint or guru you hold in high esteem. 

• Maintain feelings of indifference and equanimity to anyone who has harmed you or anyone else. Don't get sucked into their mean-spiritedness or harmful deeds.

To complete your meditation, take three to five deep abdominal breaths. Open your eyes and slowly get up. 

Are Your Expectations Holding You Back?

"Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~ Alan Watts

For a long time, I felt like I was standing on a riverbank just watching the water of life go by, too scared to jump in and play. I was waiting for the perfect current to come along that I could ride all the way to the completion of my intensely detailed life goals.

I didn’t want to move until I felt like success was guaranteed and I was certain it was the “right” thing. Life was flowing, and I wasn’t doing anything. You can never be certain about the future.

Around this time, I graduated from the University and instead of feeling excited and free, I felt like a large weight was dropped on my shoulders. I had a lot of expectations to meet, all of which were self-imposed. After all, I had a science degree. By the world’s standards, I was bound to be successful, get a great job, and make money.

The thing is, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the path of science in the traditional sense was not right for me. I also couldn’t seem to function with the weight of these expectations. I got depressed, frustrated, and disappointed with myself for not pursuing science in the right way. I expected myself to be successful, which eventually escalated into expectations of perfection in all the areas of my life.

One day, at the end of a long day in the laboratory conducting experiments, I was on a walk with my mentor (on our way to the bus stop, heading home) and he said to me, “Murty gaaru! (I used to be called with my middle name; and 'gaaru' in my mother tongue is an adjective that symbolizes reverence), you just have to jump in the river and swim! You might wash up on the shore of the riverbank a little ways down, but at least you are moving. Plus, you never know who or what will be there on the shore waiting for you. Just jump in and stop trying to set expectations for the future. Jump in and ride whatever current looks good now.”

It took me a while to digest what he was saying. But, once I understood it, that’s exactly what I did. Instead of focusing on what to do, where to go, and how I was going to accomplish everything I thought I wanted in life, I focused on releasing the expectations I had about it all. I focused on what I wanted to and could do now. I finally jumped in; finished my Ph. D. dissertation and left the country for further research in Canada.

The following are some tips and lessons I learned while making the transition from expectation overload to the lightness of exploration.

Less Expectation, More Exploration And Trust

Oh, this is so juicy! When expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Then guess what? We judge ourselves harshly for it.

For example, I had a list of specific measurable goals for where I thought I should be when I graduated from the University. When I finally did and realized I didn’t meet any of my goals, I felt disappointed and started telling myself I was a failure. Of course, this behavior got me nowhere.

The most important thing I learned is to release my expectations about how I think my life should go, and approach life from a place of exploration. This opens you up to experiencing things that are beyond your wildest dreams. It’s okay to have goals, but make sure to leave room for something even greater to come along.

Maybe the most peaceful and quickest way to achieve something is a way you haven’t thought of yet. Be willing to go with the flow. This requires trust. I learned that when I let go and trust I will receive everything I need, I always do. I often find myself saying at the end of the day, “Wow, this day was amazing and I had no plan, yet I accomplished everything I needed to.”

Explore through life knowing deep down that you are always guided to exactly where you need to be. Plus, doesn’t exploring sound like more fun than expecting?

Look Beyond Your Distractions

A lot of us want external things because of the way we think they will make us feel. I wanted a skinnier body because I thought it would make me feel happy and loved. I wanted a successful career because I thought I would feel fulfilled. I wanted a relationship because I thought it would relieve my loneliness.

These things can distract us from looking within ourselves for answers. When they fail to do what we want, we fell disappointed and angry. In order to release this cycle of disappointment, we need to release the belief that they will save us.

If you want to experience more love, start giving more love. If you don’t want to feel lonely, then start healing the belief that you are alone. If you want to feel like you are worth something, start treating yourself like you are worth something, because you most definitely are.

When you heal the beliefs that run wild in your mind, you can still enjoy the externals, but you are no longer trying to get something from them. You know you are already fulfilled, happy, and complete, so if your circumstances change, you can maintain your joy.

Relax More, Judge Yourself Less

I have learned that the loving voice within, also known as our inner guide, has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I want that plan!

As it turns out, right now you are exactly where you need to be.

The only thing you need to do in order to follow the path of your inner guidance is listen to it by releasing your judgments about what you think is happening. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.

Get quiet and listen for guidance about what to do in this moment. Any advice coming from love will be something you can do now. The thought of doing it will make you feel lighter and excited.

Change Your Thoughts

If you are feeling disappointed, it’s because of the thoughts you have about the situation. So, if you don’t want to feel disappointed, change your thoughts.

The first thing I do when I feel any disturbance to my peace of mind is say to myself, “I am determined to see this person/situation differently.” This is how you step into your power. Everything happens for you, not to you. You’ll be amazed at the shifts in perception that occur when you become willing to release fear and see love instead.

When you focus on releasing the thoughts about how you imagined your life to be, your most loving, truthful self can come forward and guide you. There is nothing to figure out.

Do You Need My Approval?

Need for Approval Kills Freedom.

"Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing” ~Aristotle

Let go of the need for approval to start thriving.

Trust me, I know, because I spent most of my life seeking approval until I realized it was a waste of time and didn’t work anyway. The desire to get people to like me motivated the majority of my choices and actions in early life.

I mastered the art of telling people what they wanted to hear and being someone they would find impressive—all the while worrying incessantly about what others thought of me, fearing criticism, and holding myself back as a result.

When I first started building my coaching business, this craving for acceptance caused me to hide from opportunities where the potential for reward was high, but the possibility for criticism was equally large.

As an example, one of my first client referrals was to coach the owner of a major manufacturing business. It’s painful to admit that I told my client I wasn’t the right person for the job and referred the person to someone else.

My need for approval created immense anxiety about the value I provided for my clients and caused me to spend far too much time on tasks in order to perfect them. It got to the point where I was wasting so much time and losing so many opportunities that I had to make a big decision: either let the business go or learn how to get over myself!

Fortunately I chose the latter option. I created a plan to learn to let go of needing others’ approval (well, at least letting go enough that it would no longer sabotage my success). Here I am, several years later, running the same business with much greater ease as a result.

Can you relate to these issues?

Do you constantly make choices to avoid disapproval or criticism, rather than what is most valuable, effective or important to you? Do you hold yourself back from speaking your opinions or hide your true self?

This is something you can, and dare I say, must change if you want to be happy in your life and successful in your business or chosen work. It is possible to change. I have done so myself, and since then have helped many other people through my business to do the same.

How is the need for approval holding you back? Can you recognize any of these scenarios?

Quadrant "A" — Need for Approval / Low Performance

The need for approval is negatively impacting your performance—you procrastinate, avoid doing important things, feel anxiety and fear, and get stuck in worry and rumination.

Wanting people to like you, results in declining new opportunities, being too nervous to perform effectively, and you begin to practice avoidance – like apathy, withdrawal, analysis paralysis, and giving up.

If you find yourself in this Quadrant, focus upon how the need for approval is holding you back from doing the important things. Once you move past this, you will be free to achieve and create what you want in life with much less stress and effort, because you are currently exhausting yourself through avoidance.

Quadrant "B" — Need for Approval / High Performance

Although you are a high achiever and get great results in your life, it is often at the expense of everything else.

The need for approval in this case results in doing too much, feeling anxiety, worrying, being unable to stop ruminating about challenges, trying to please everyone, not making time for yourself, working too hard, and being unable to say no.

If you recognize that this is you, focus upon how the need for approval is causing you to do too much instead of only what is important, and to do things for others at the expense of yourself.

Quadrant "C" — Self-Acceptance / Low Performance

In this instance, what others think of you has little impact on your decision-making about how to spend your time. However, your performance is low due to other motivational factors, such as being unaware of what is important to you, what drives you, and what makes you happy.

Hence, you may be stuck doing work you don’t really enjoy and have habits that hinder your performance, or alternatively may not have the skills to work effectively at what you are doing.

If you are stuck in this Quadrant, focus your energy upon getting in touch with what really matters to you. Start to listen to what you really want in your life and act upon this to make it happen. Life becomes much more effortless when you are living in alignment with what is important to you.

Quadrant "D" — Self-Acceptance / High Performance

This is the goal I am always working toward with my coaching clients. It’s a place where you make decisions based on what is right for you. You make effective choices with your time. You are OK with saying no when it is required. And, you are committed to only doing that which is important and valuable for what you want to achieve or create in your life.

In this space, you spend much less time in your head worrying about people and situations and more time just getting things done. You don’t need to be busy in order to appear successful. Instead, you choose to see success as measured by doing what matters to you and to your results. This is a collaborative space where you lead and connect effectively with others, without being at their beck and call.

Once you have identified where you are, it’s time to do something about it! Here are a handful of strategies to help you get to quadrant “D”—the place where you no longer need others’ approval, as you have a sound sense of self-acceptance and you make choices from this place.

How to Let Go of the Need for Approval

1. Build a sound sense of Self-Acceptance.

The first step is to strengthen your core foundation so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you. This way, you will no longer feel the need to look to others to feel good enough about your choices and decisions.

Keep a self-appreciation journal, where you start acknowledging daily or a few times a week the things you are most proud of about yourself: choices you have made, insights you have learned, things you like about yourself, times you have stayed true to yourself, or whatever feels right for you.

2. Let Go of seeking Validation from others.

Secondly, you need to practice letting go of seeking validation for your choices and most importantly, for whom you choose to be.

This means noticing your language, self-talk, and behavior, and identifying when it is coming from wanting someone else to say you are ok, that you made the right choice, or that you did the right thing.

Instead, when you do make a decision, check in with yourself that it feels right, remind yourself that it is your choice, and give yourself validation for just being you.

3. Evaluate tasks based on Approval-seeking Efforts.

Lastly, start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment, whether you are doing it because it is “right” for you or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval.

Sit down and evaluate your weekly tasks and ask yourself what is really necessary and important, and what is driven by people pleasing. Then slowly work through the “people pleasing” list and eliminate them.

How has the need for approval impacted your life?

Living Beyond Conflict

Have you noticed how our children are being taught to live in a cycle of conflict—through media and video games, etc. They are learning the importance of conflict in their schools too! The foundation of any class essay they write is that a plot must consist of an introduction, conflict, and resolution. In fact, every story that we read is based on this core principle. It is our collective story!

How do we write a new story?

I dedicated the last few years of my life to mastering a new story, not for the world but for myself. In fully dropping a storyline that clings to conflict, I free myself to imagine a world beyond peace.

As I began to understand my attachment to conflict, I discovered that not only were my actions tied to the cycle of conflict and resolution, my desire for intimacy was woven into this same cycle.

Stop for a second and think about relationships.

Most intimate moments come from joining together around conflict. When we have a problem, we reach out to a friend for comfort. The friend either commiserates by sharing her/his own similar problems or helps us find a resolution. We are comforted by these moments of intimate bonding.

So, how do we create intimacy beyond conflict?

Some time ago, I was watching a discussion between His Holiness - the Dalai Lama and several world peace advocates moderated by Katie Couric, who asked them a question:

“We focus so much attention on attaining world peace; What comes after peace?”

After several years of contemplating this very question, I was curious to hear the response from these famous peace leaders.

One by one, each person attempted to answer. Yet, each answer simply reiterated the need for peace. Not one of these renowned peace advocates actually answered the question. Even more significant is that not one of them even seemed to realize that they were not answering the question. Obviously, like seasoned politicians, they stick to their agendas, without deviating from what they were prepared to say to an unexpected question.

Then His Holiness - the Dalai Lama, with his brilliant smile and light-hearted nature spoke. He shared that when you have peace at your core, you will be happy and you will have more friends. “And,” he said, “everyone likes more friends.”

Simple and true.

Yes, after peace comes joy. We must start by finding this joy within ourselves.

As we release our attachment to storylines of conflict, we will discover a whole new way of connecting to others. We will discover a new way of seeing this world.

Begin by imagining a new world. See a world that is more vibrant and colorful than you have ever imagined before. This world has unlimited possibilities, and all we have to do is to explore and create beauty. In this world everything moves naturally into its most perfect form.

Meditating on this “Vibrant New Earth” immediately brings life into harmony. More than that, meditating on this Vibrant New Earth is the greatest gift (on this upcoming Mother Nature's Mother's Day) we can offer our world in our quest for peace.

We are co-creators of this universe. We must be able to see a world of joy in order to move through peace and create the world we desire.

John Lennon understood this in the 70′s when he planted the seed of intent with his song Imagine  (you can listen to it here>> http://youtu.be/yRhq-yO1KN8)

Most of us have heard this song. We have felt the vibration of peace it carries: But have we actually taken the time to imagine?

Imagination is the gateway to creation. Let’s join together and imagine a world beyond peace. Lets co-create in this moment a world filled with playful and creative joy.

Make Chaos Disappear

Every day brings us a choice, either to practice stress or to practice peace. Right now I am in a tight squeeze. I am in the process of making some big changes, and it’s bringing quite a bit of chaos—uncertainties, insecurities, and fears—into my life, like any change does.

A deep desire of mine is to be able to look chaos in any form, of any magnitude, squarely in the eye and levitate up to the next level of not letting any of the anarchy affect my inner peace. Whatever the drama—work, family, friends, worldly, financial, school, natural disasters—I don’t want any of it to touch my inner peace. My desire is for peace or bust, on the inside and all around me.

When we recognize that life is our mirror, we begin to understand that the outer chaos merely represents our mental state. It is the mime of our mind. If we can quiet our inner chaos, our outer chaos will disappear.

However, too often we get this process backward, and that is why it takes us so long sometimes to tame all of the chaos: We don’t take the time to first quiet our mental noise. A good friend of mine, Jordana Carroll advises us of the importance of mental floss in all her weekly radio shows on the Mentors - VoARadio Network. (If you haven't heard any of her shows, you should check her out at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/search/jordanacarrollshow)

I often say that I desire to be a yogi, untouched and at ease. My biggest fear is someone knocking me off balance and getting trampled. So, my fantasy is to be just kind of floating there in the lotus position in the middle of it all, with pushing and shoving going on all around me, yet I am untouched. I remain at ease and guarded by my peaceful light.

I crave that kind of serenity in my day to day. When situations arise that are not going according to my plan, I want to transcend into a glowing yogi and remain perfectly centered, unfazed by the drama going on all around me. Keeping this vibe of peace is hard to do sometimes when we are faced with the challenges of life.

Winds of change blow through our lives daily, and unpredictable circumstances happen regularly that are beyond our control. How do we handle it all?

Personally, my brain used to rush to “fix” everything. If something came up that did not go according to my plan, I used to spend sleepless nights trying to figure out “what to do.”

I solicited advice from friends, loved ones, and colleagues. I even 'Googled' for any hints and solutions I could find. I did anything other than assimilate myself as the peaceful yogi who doesn’t worry, and again that is approaching the issue backward.

It is only from cultivating an inner calm and centeredness that I was able to transcend above any outer chaos. So, how can we do this? How can we transform any chaotic situation into one of inner and outer peace? How do we sit calmly and not get caught up in the hype? How do we not worry? How do we stay centered and grounded? How do we remain connected and rooted?

Here are some ideas that I use; maybe some of them might work for you:

1. Thoughts have power

Visualize - this is the first thing I do. I try to calm my mind down, and I start envisioning the outcome I’d like to see happen. I don’t get attached to these ideas; I simply start imagining myself happy, healthy, safe, and loved. I begin to visualize a friendlier situation and outcome.

Then I can rest in those good vibes as I remain cradled in my center. Thoughts have power.

2. Words have power.

Train your subconscious brain to have a different default thinking than it does now. Wishful thinking for different circumstances is not enough to transcend us; we have got to feel it. If we wish for things to be better or different, but underneath it all we feel that we are doomed no matter what, then nothing will change. It takes us retraining our subconscious mind to have a different belief system.

I personally like to use affirmations to help me improve my mental and emotional fitness. In Hindu scriptures, we call this a mantra. It’s a positive, uplifting thought that is to be repeated many times throughout the day until it becomes an inner truth and belief system.

An example of a mantra is, “Everything always works out,” or, “Only what is best will happen.” When I am stressed, repeating these two mantras throughout the day pulls me back into my center and eases my mind. Words have power.

3. Feelings have power

Develop faith that things always turn out OK. In order for us to transcend our situation and create more peace in our lives, we have got to feel it. The best way for us to succeed at levitating above the mosh pit is to have faith.

To have faith, we must believe with conviction that everything will be OK, even if we cannot currently see exactly how.

When we possess faith, that inner knowing is a feeling that we have. We know. And we cannot evolve fully into knowing until we have unshakeable faith. Feelings have power.

4. Action is power

Keep your eyes and heart focused on how you can add value to the world each day. In Hindu scriptures, we call this our Dharma, and it means life purpose. It is our own unique mission in life, the reason each of us are here. It is our individual gift we were born to share with others. It is what we are here to serve and dazzle the world with. It is in our DNA and a part of us. It is scripted on our souls.

In moments of mayhem, cling to your purpose in life. Stick with what is true to you. No matter what is going on in our lives right now, our only guarantee is our life purpose. It will never leave you because it is a part of you. You need your purpose, and your purpose needs you. It is the yin to our yang.

So, in my moments of panic and confusion, instead of pumping my brain for answers, I have learned to continue to focus on my purpose. We are here on this Earth for one purpose alone: to be and spread unconditional love. It’s how we do it that differs. And it’s these differences that paint the mosaic of life.

When all else fails, focus on how you can add value to the world. If you are wondering what your own personal life mission is, follow your dreams; they will lead you there.

When I know I have contributed value to the world each day, I feel centered, grounded, and at ease. Action is power.

Remember, the outer world is a mirror of our inner world. If we can tame the inner beast inside, the dramas in our outer worlds will subside. And when events occur that are beyond our control, we can use these four steps to remain rooted in our center, and at peace.

We will become one with the yogi floating in the mosh pit, glowing and untouched.

Obstacles to Mindfulness

"Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Mindfulness has allowed me to become more aware of my thoughts and reach a sense of inner peace. As my awareness has increased, so has the peace and joy in my life. The more familiar I have become with the inner workings of my mind, the better I have started to feel.

I came onto the path of mindfulness, meditation, and spirituality within the past 10 years only. At the time, in early 2000s, I was watching the syndicated TV-series Ed where the main character experiments with lucid dreaming.

That got me interested, and that is where my journey started. It hasn’t been an easy journey by any means, but I am nearing a decade on this path, and I don’t regret it for a moment.

I have been through a lot of challenges, such as going through brief spurts of depression. I have felt like I wasn’t good enough, and that life wouldn’t work out the way I wanted it to. In every one of these cases I let my thoughts run wild. I started focusing on the negative instead of on the positive, and I think many people have the same tendency.

So, there have been both ups and downs, but in the end they have all been there for a reason. And with each “bad period,” I have learned more and more about myself. I have learned more about what works and what doesn’t, and they have all been blessings in disguise.

I wanted to give up many times, but I am glad that I kept going.

Truly living in the present moment is not easy, but it is highly rewarding. The best way to move forward on your own path to “here and now” is to understand the potential obstacles and plan in advance how you’ll deal with them.

1. Progress doesn’t always come quickly.

Progress may seem excruciatingly slow. There will be times when you attach to things and situations that you want, which will make it difficult to be fully in the present moment. It’s impossible to be mindful when you are dwelling on the past or obsessing about the future.

We all do those things sometimes. I have experienced it countless times in my own life. The more I want something, the more I fixate on not having it and wanting to get it.

Once I release the attachment and focus on being grateful for what I have in the moment, my life seems to shift, and progress seems to happen naturally.

2. Mindfulness takes ongoing effort.

Mindfulness takes a lot of work, but the good news is that the longer you practice, the easier it gets, and the more joyful your life becomes.

At first, your thoughts will be in chaos, and everything will seem out of control. Your situation will feel helpless, but the more you focus on being fully where you are, the easier it will be to find peace of mind in the moment.

Mindfulness is best practiced throughout your day. It’s not just for when you sit down and meditate. Focus on being mindful of your thoughts when you are doing everyday tasks and it will be easier to remain mindful when things get tough.

3. There will always be distractions.

When you are on your journey to becoming more mindful, it seems as if the universe starts throwing stuff at you just to give you challenges.

The distractions could be problems in your life, drama in your relationships, or old negative beliefs popping up from your past.

These are great opportunities to practice present moment awareness. They will help you become stronger, better, and more in tune with yourself. The problems and challenges we face are teachers in disguise.

They are there to help you grow and to realize who you truly are.

4. You may want to give up.

Like with any worthwhile journey, you will feel like giving up and throwing in the towel multiple times. But it is during the times when you feel most frustrated that you are often on the verge of a breakthrough.

Our lives are very similar to the seasons. We go through cold, dark winters, and joyful, expanding summers. It all comes and goes. It’s the ebb and flow of life.

When you realize that the challenging times are there to help you grow, you will automatically feel more peaceful and relaxed.

5. Your goals may challenge your mindfulness.

Having goals is fantastic, even essential, but when you become overly attached to them, something bad happens, just like we talked about above.

You know that you are too attached to something when you start feeling frustrated, angry, and negative.

Attachment muddles our clarity. You are likely pursuing your goals because you believe they will make you happy. But, real happiness comes from within, even when things don't appear to be going perfectly well outwardly, and it is still possible to experience sincere happiness. It is our inner feeling that creates happiness, along with how we interpret the events of life.

This will make you much happier in the long term, and, of course, right now.

6. You might forget that the journey is the destination.

Most people miss the fact that the reward is in the journey. Have you ever noticed that when you reach a goal, it’s not as exciting as you thought it would be? Sure, it feels great to hit a milestone, but if you do not replace that goal with another one, you will soon find yourself feeling unfulfilled.

That’s because we are goal-seeking mechanisms. Humans need goals so they can have a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

It is in the journey that we learn, grow, and become better. When you are practicing mindfulness, remember that there is nowhere to arrive at. If you focus on what is going on right now, the rest takes care of itself.

7. Sometimes you’ll want to be anywhere but in the now.

Even the most enlightened masters on earth have to deal with difficult situations and chaotic thoughts. The difference is they have learned to accept the moment for what it is.

When you do this, you become the guardian of your inner space, which is the only way to feel good inside and find peace of mind, right now.