11 Dimensions of Self Awareness - Balancing Body, Mind and Soul

8^th article of the Series

The past couple of weeks, I was focused on how one can examine each of the 8 dimensions of life and strive to balance the home and work life, two components of the outer life. In this final article, I am going to talk about the inner life and the importance of building a state of heightened self-awareness and wholeness to achieve harmony and joy spiritually.

In one of the earlier articles, I wrote that “it is important that you must be able to see the gap between your inner life values - your ‘true’ self - and the choices you make based on your outer life conditioning - your ‘false’ self.”

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and something can be staring us right under our nose but we don’t see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything gets worst. We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs when things get rough and tough.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life – and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, but because we realize it’s for our own good.

Successful people don’t just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don’t have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self-improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that “it’s just the way I am”. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. All of us program our minds subconsciously.

Self improvement may not be everybody’s favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved.

To unlock the infinite power of self you must understand what Self is. Your Self consists of three core elements: your body, your mind, and your spirit. You must work on each one of these elements as part of the self improvement process. Each part of self affects the other and each is as important as the other. You need to understand where you currently exist on the spectrum of personal development and life balance. Since we already discussed balancing the outer life, we will now focus on the internal life.

Please understand that there is no right or wrong dimension to be on. Each level is fine. You’ll never exist solely in one level. In fact, as long as you live you will fluctuate through the different levels and that is how you will achieve balance. First you need to determine where you are spending most of your time. Once you determine where you spend the majority of your time and energy, you will have a better understanding of why you currently feel unfulfilled.

Self Improvement through Body:

Your body is the vehicle with which you interact with physical life. Through your body you communicate with the world around you. Your mind uses your body to express itself; your spirit uses your body to experience itself. You must keep your body as fit and active as it is possible for it to be for the rest of your life. If you do not let your body do what it was designed for it will falter and ultimately fail. As well as feeding body for optimum health you must also exercise it so that it can renew itself. Your muscles keep themselves strong by use. The same can be said of your brain too. If you find yourself spending most of your time, energy and effort only on the body, you will feel empty, unhappy, and unfulfilled. Your life is not balanced; therefore you will eventually feel uninterested and unfulfilled.

Your body has innate wisdom. Practice paying attention to the wisdom within, and you will be surprised about what you learn. Your body is naturally attuned to the life force that sustains it; it is the mind that confuses things. We must practice discernment and learn by trial and error what works for us.

The process of listening to your body involves remaining open to hearing what is required in each moment. Get into the habit of asking yourself: What does my body want today? When we don't listen, we often wind up imposing rules that just won't stick. Gorging on junk food after a nice big salad and tofu patties may be a sign that we are not listening.

Go easy on yourself. Have the sweets if you crave them. Perhaps by allowing a reasonable amount of them when first desired, they'll lose some of their appeal. The mind can be funny that way; it tends to want what you tell it not to have. So play a little game and psyche yourself out. Allow yourself to indulge a bit, but also make an effort to include more nutritious foods in your diet. Pay attention to how you feel. Let your body guide you. Throw away the books by the so-called experts, and listen within.

Worry and fear are creeping into our plates. How about love of the self? How about nourishing our souls as we nourish our bodies? Try candlelight, soothing music, a pleasant setting and, if possible, the company of those you love. Avoid arguments and heated discussions at meal time. This harmony will do more for optimal assimilation and digestion than all the food-combining rules under the sun.

Try breathing deeply and envisioning a healthful meal being assimilated into particles of light that are imparted with the wisdom to travel to the parts of your body that need them most. Now, THAT'S nourishing! Most importantly, simply savor your food and relax. Bask in the knowledge that your body is a magnificent creation that is masterfully equipped to extract and absorb the vital nutrients that will sustain you.

Self Improvement through Mind:

It is through the mind that you make the decisions for your body. Everything that you are today has been planned out by your mind. The job you do, how much you earn, the person you married, your weight, your beauty, your car, your house etc. Through your mind and your thoughts you have created your present life experience.

If you want self improvement in any part of your life as you experience it now you must improve your mind. Knowledge is a key that opens so many doors. Improve your mind through the acquisition of information. Perhaps you want a better job and to earn more money. What do you need to know to get from where you are to where you want to get to? Do you need extra qualifications or to retrain?

The truth is, the mind loves to solve problems, so it will complicate your life to the point of utter exhaustion. Your “To Do” list gets longer and longer simply because the mind is complicating your life so you have more problems to solve. You know the scenario, think of the workaholic who always putting out fires at work, one after another. Or the woman who has to keep up with all of her kids schedule and her work schedule and everything in between keeping herself so busy she never takes time for herself. Or the entrepreneur who jumps from business opportunity to business opportunity never finding that one that “works.” Spending too much time in the “Mind” phase will make you just as unhappy, unfulfilled and stuck as spending too much time and energy on the body.

Improving the conscious mind is the easier part. The difficulty is the subconscious mind which also has a huge part to play in your life as you experience it today. Perhaps you are overweight because you eat inappropriately. You find it difficult to resist the urge to binge on chocolate but you don’t know why. The answer probably lies somewhere in your subconscious where you have stored and learned that behavior from the past. Once you access the subconscious you can change what is stored there and thus improve your behavior. There are a number of professionals and therapists who can help you improve yourself through the mind and there are a number of self help techniques you can use.

Man is evolving constantly. Each dimension of his being - physical, mental, and spiritual - has its own force of consciousness and though separate, is interconnected with others. Through these levels of attainment he supports his own evolution. When he is at the physical level, any pain - even a fever - can bring about anxiety or depression. At the mental dimension, well being begins with learning. Self-observation, self-analysis and self-knowledge need an intellectual approach. Ordinarily, negative emotions like anger, hatred, and greed within certain limits are accepted as normal human weaknesses. However, these emotions have no place in the life of those who seek spiritual evolution. An agitated mind is 'impure' while a steady mind that is alert and joyful is 'pure'.

Non-apprehension of reality is the cause for all misapprehensions. A deluded mind creates misunderstandings. One who broods over the past mars the present which is what shapes the future.

Each moment, one is not only reaping the fruits of past actions, but one is also creating the recipe for life tomorrow. The power of the past on the consciousness is what determines our behavior. Indeed, it is not easy to break away fully from the negative influence of the past, but it is important to realize the need for change. In the worldly sense, through self-effort or help from others, one achieves a certain amount of success and happiness but this is not enough to experience total well being.

One does not have to be a yogi to know the secret of the final solution for good fortune, health and success. A royal, final formula for achieving peace and joy was expressed 5,000 years ago by Krishna in the Bhagavad Geetha (Ch 9): "To you, who are devoid of the carping spirit, I shall now unfold the most secret knowledge of nirguna brahma along with the knowledge of manifest divinity, knowing which you shall be free from the evil of worldly existence".

The final solution is for those who prepare the mind for its inward journey, still staying in tune with the orchestra of life, maintaining a healthy relationship with the world outside. This knowledge is the royal science of life because it provides us with scientific, achievable techniques. This is called the royal secret because it is too profound for the lay person. This is the final solution because it is the supreme purifier which leads us to the ultimate truth that is really within us.

Self Improvement through Spirit:

Such concepts as faith, hope, joy, contentment, peace, and love all fall within the realm of the spirit. You don’t have to be religious to know the essential nature of these things to fully experience a life of the highest quality. However working with the spirit is different than working with the body and mind. You can work to improve your body and mind but you must work to let your spirit improve you.

Just taking time on a regular basis to get in touch with your spirit will bring you self improvement at the most profound level. Religious structures and practices have been put in place by our ancestors to help us commune with the spirit. You may choose to follow a religion or find your own path but without good spiritual health you will find the power of self improvement in all areas much more difficult to unleash.

The soul wants to be beneficial to other people and make the world a better place. Again this seems like a great thing, and it is. So what’s wrong with helping people? The soul is the part that puts on charity events, that helps the homeless, that volunteers and builds businesses to help other people. The soul is a beautiful part of the human experience. All people are inherently drawn to help other people. The fact is it makes us feel good to help other people. And we should absolutely spend a good deal of time in this part of the human experience. This is the part that achieves goals that are bigger than us as individuals.

Body, Mind, and Spirit - Strike a Balance  

Ancient Vedic sages have said that human beings are composed of both matter and spirit. Our physical body, mind and intellect are the matter components while our soul is the spirit - the real Self - that radiates and drives the matter components.

We have been blessed with the capacity to Choose. We are equipped to take decisions using our intellect and by applying acquired wisdom. We have vast potential, but because of our ignorance of Self, these potentials remain largely untapped. That is why all wise men have exhorted us to try and attain Supreme Knowledge of the Self.

Today, we strive for perfection in every field. With the evolution of mind and intellect, worldly knowledge has become easily accessible. So, we have achieved a certain measure of excellence in the physical sciences. We have created for ourselves many facilities that make life more comfortable.

Our scriptures proclaim that the true nature of human beings is absolute tranquility and peace. But today, we find that with so many worldly possessions at our command, our lives have become far more stressful and unhappy than ever before. We have become totally materialistic and self-centered.

No one has time for either themselves or their families. The so called industrial and scientific advancements have failed to bring human beings closer to one another. How many of us smile when we see someone else on the street? In fact, we are increasingly isolating ourselves, creating a vacuum around us.

In mindless pursuit of worldly possessions, negative emotions like greed, jealousy and hatred have overpowered our minds, creating tensions. In order to combat stress and tension, we tend to over-indulge ourselves. Some try to find solace in substance abuse. One reason for this could be: Scientific advancement has not travelled beyond the physical level. We have achieved excellence in the physical sciences, but at the spiritual level, we lag far behind.

Physical experiences that are bereft of spirituality fail to connect with our true Self. The stress starts from within; the solution also lies within. The physical body functions with the hidden Spirit, which is the real Self. So it is important for us to gain knowledge of the Self.

Once we are able to do this, (with the help of a guru, perhaps) our hidden inherent potentials come to the fore. The seed of a large Banyan tree is tiny, like a mustard seed. It is so small that it can be blown away by a gentle breeze. The seed is however unaware of its hidden inherited potential. But when it is sown, it submits itself to growth - with the right inputs of water, air and sunlight, it grows to become a great big Banyan tree. But even the Banyan tree has limits to its growth.

Jeeva or soul is a fragmented part of God or the Supreme Soul; it is, therefore, infinite. When we submit ourselves to the guidance of a spiritual master, we have an opportunity to gain knowledge of Self through which we can fully realize our hidden potential. Great men are not those who do big things, but those who do small things with perfection, and the perfection comes from within.

Brahma gynana or realization of truth alone will bring about a reformation, helping to establish lasting peace. Our sages proclaimed that the whole world is a family and they wished everyone well. Let's take the cue.

Let us attempt to know more about our inner Self, by striving for excellence not just in the field of physical sciences, but also in the field of spirituality.

Conclusion

In order to bring true balance to your life, you must balance the three parts that exist within you. Take care of the body; learn to enjoy a physical life. Use the mind to solve problems. And use your soul to direct the mind and body to where you can make the biggest difference in the world right now.

No one is perfect, and if you find yourself in the situation where you feel stuck, take inventory of your life and take a look at where you are spending the majority of your time and energy. Listen to those areas that you haven’t heard from for a while. When you nurture all three aspects of you equally, you get a perfect balance between each of them. This gives you great health, pure positivity and happiness. You feel free and secure, you lose fear and you get into the flow of life – everything you desire comes into your experience easily.

Finding balance is an ongoing project. Be sure to feel out each level daily to ensure that you remain in the harmonious and most effective state you can. You deserve the best life possible.

This is the final installment of this series on Self Awareness and Balancing of Life Wheel. Also, starting next week my corporate blog and my personal/spiritual blog get separated and go their individual directions.  You can subscribe to the RSS feed for my corporate blog at eMBCblog.blogspot.com and the personal/spiritual blog at PersonalDevelopmentRiches.com.

On the personal/spiritual blog, I will continue to write more about the spiritual aspects of our life, starting with the connection between Science and Spirituality. This will describe how the emerging concept of the new sciences has reduced the separation between the physical world, the living world, and the world of mind and consciousness to ‘nothing.’ This will also lay the foundation for the future topics on spirituality.

I hope you enjoyed reading these articles as much as I have enjoyed writing these down. Sharing these thoughts has been a divine experience for me even if it benefitted few. I look forward to hearing your stories and personal experiences so I can learn new truths and grow myself both personally and spiritually. Namaste!

11 Dimensions of Self Awareness - Balance of Life Wheel: Work Life

7^th article of the Series

At the start of this series of articles, I introduced the concept of Inner Life and Outer Life on opposite ends of the Balance of Life. I also stated that there are a total of eleven dimensions overall to balancing the Life Wheel in order to achieve harmony, joy and success in your life.

Both work life and home life exist on the same side of the scale - the Outer Life. They each have 4 dimensions in them. Since we already discussed the home life and its four dimensions last week, let’s focus on the 4 dimensions of the work life in this article.

The four dimensions of work life are People, Productivity, Execution (Actions/Tasks) – also known as KARMA to those familiar with the Bhagavad Geetha, and Leadership. Next week, we will discuss the Inner Life and its 3 dimensions (body, mind and spirit/soul).

Many people wonder why they do not have the success that they want in professional life. Most of the time, the reason will be right under their nose; they are just unable to see it. The first thing that someone who is not successful in work life should ask is, "Am I successful in my personal life and relationships?"

If the answer is no, then you now have your answer as to why you are not successful in professional life. You cannot have a successful career if you do not have adequate personal and social development.

The business world is not your entire life, as much as it may seem to be. Your career is but one aspect of your life that also includes friends, family, and personal needs and issues. The only way to have success in your career is by having success in personal and social development. A balance must be struck. True success cannot be had in one area of your life and not another. This is how personal development, social development, and business development are all linked together.

You work hard, but do you play hard? An employee review survey by a European HR Group found that 57% of Generation Y employees and 26% of Baby Boomers take off unplanned days from work to deal with stress. You may think that business owners would do the same but surveys indicate that they tend to work harder, rather than step away, as the stress builds.

Entrepreneurs are multi-dimensional, passionate individuals so living a whole life is more important to their health and well being than almost anything. They are risk takers, yet are too often tucked behind their desk - safely focusing on the tedious aspects of their business because they think that they can do it without anyone’s help.

It’s easy to get caught in this trap, but really, how productive can you be when you are missing your family and friends, yearning for another sky diving adventure, and neglecting your workout time? There is no shortage of studies showing that employee effectiveness rises when time off is taken on a regular basis, but entrepreneurs easily lose sight of this fact, working for months – even years – without time away from the business.

It’s a fact that productivity levels drop with lack of life balance. You need to recharge your batteries on a consistent basis.  When you take time out your creativity, endurance, happiness and, most likely your profits, will all increase. Here are some simple ways to recharge.

1. Take frequent breaks in your day. 

While it’s important to have two-hour chunks of focused time in your work schedule, it’s equally important to give your brain and body a rest. Schedule a short walk, do lunch away from the computer, and other pleasant activities into your day. You will find that you are able to complete tasks more quickly and efficiently as this habit becomes part of your daily routine.

2. Focus on what is important. 

Ask yourself, “What is most important to me in life, other than a successful business?”  Is it spending time with family and friends? Being in nature? Connecting with your spirituality? Now ask, “How much of my time do I spend in this area of my life?” Odds are you are spending the least amount of time in the most important life categories. As you increase time in these areas you will feel more complete, less guilty, and more focused. It may seem impossible to escape work after 8 hours, but give it a try and see how you feel the next day. Spend an extra couple of hours a week with the kids, your spouse, your friends or extended family. You may just find yourself able to complete things more effectively as your focus and clarity returns after some hours of leisure.

3. Take a mini-vacation. 

Perhaps you can’t afford a full-blown vacation right now; that’s okay (for the time being). How about getting away from your familiar surroundings without getting on an airplane? Is there a little town nearby that offers unique restaurants and shopping? Do you like amusement parks? How about a picnic or hiking the trails? A day at the beach, perhaps? Think of a one-day getaway that is low budget but enjoyable. You’ll be surprised at how this can renew your spirit!

4. Spend time working away from the office.  

I am sitting in my favorite book shop, enjoying the presence of familiar faces and browsing some new releases. Stepping away from my work environment couple of times a week gives me an emotional boost. So many business owners are social, people-loving individuals, yet they isolate themselves for days at a time. One of the reasons you probably started your own business is because you value your freedom; enjoy it! Take your laptop outside, go to the library, think about joining a networking group or find another work-related weekly event.

5. Schedule date nights. 

If you are married or have a significant other, make sure you are spending quality time together. You chose one another for a reason, spend time enjoying it! Reignite the passion and appreciate the value in having a mate. Imagine if you were going through life right now without someone to lean on and love, do your best not to take it for granted.

Productivity Dimension

Productivity is NOT a bad word that is to be scorned at. In fact, if we are not cognizant of our productivity, we often experience feeling less balanced. Having a sense that you have been productive can be extremely satisfying. However, what can be harmful to our sense of balance is our culture’s obsession with it and constant pressure we have placed on ourselves to get as many things DONE as possible in order to feel happy.

The problem with solely focusing on quantity is that even if we did get a lot done in a day, week, or year for that matter, too often it never really feels good enough. Have you ever felt like you just weren’t happy with all the things you got done even though it was quite a lot of things? The number of things you accomplish in a day, week, etc is only a piece of the puzzle.

We have allowed this focus on quantity to become connected with our happiness. Do you feel happy at the end of a day when you get 3 things done? Why? If you did not then, why not?  A much larger part of the puzzle of productivity is the importance and meaning of the tasks you complete. We must understand the role of SIGNIFICANCE in our assessment of our productivity. Does it really matter what you are doing? Is it significant to your life, to your work, to the lives of those around you? A critical piece to feeling productive is awareness that you have used your time and energy on things that matter to YOU. You can also imagine a greater sense of happiness when you know you have made meaningful and worthwhile contributions.

When we do not include significance and importance of our accomplishments in our assessment of whether or not we have been productive, we set ourselves up for a sense of disappointment, unhappiness and we miss out. Our happiness and sense of life balance need not be so heavily weighted on productivity that we are in constant overwhelm and fall into the abyss of incessant dissatisfaction. Let us focus less on productivity from a purely quantitative perspective and value SIGNIFICANCE.

People Dimension

There is growing recognition amongst companies to the importance of people skills, understanding that they are essential for a highly focused successful business. Yet in terms of recruitment, the training, measurement and definition of skills required seems still to work on ‘older models’ that rely on more generic ‘soft skill’ descriptors such as: ability to work in a team; good with people; excellent customer service skills and people management skills. 

When I hear people talking about soft skills I wonder exactly what they mean? Are soft skills those abilities – tacit or otherwise that allow an individual to communicate well with others? Do soft skills go further, encompassing empathy, inspiration, adaptability, conflict management and creativity? If this is the case they must, by default, also include multiple intelligences, values, culture and models of the world.

In this business world, are we investing in research, training, and identification of the newer ‘soft’ technologies that will increase our expertise and provide us with an even greater ability to understand client and candidate requirements? Would we service the industry more if we took responsibility for establishing forward thinking by providing our staff and candidates with much needed training and coaching in these very necessary skills? 

It is this myriad of soft skills that underlie and over pin the more measurable ‘hard skills’. As we layer ‘softer’ abilities through the ‘hard’ skills we gain flexibility and adaptability, which in turn leads us to better communicate, test our understanding, lead, facilitate and manage. The holistic nature of both skills set the tone for success and ultimately shapes careers. Successful people encompass a mix of hard and soft skills. 

It is important to develop a propensity for people skills, to study, practice these skills and spend time understanding requirements. As with many areas our investment will be directly proportional to our results. Soft skills are not soft because they are easy – they take time, patience, endurance and skill. 

Leadership & Influencing Dimension

There is no right way, nor is there only one way to influence others. Everything, but everything, is a factor when influencing people.


And we are, all of us, influenced by people, places, events and situations at all times. Sometimes we are affected more or less by these things, but we are continually being influenced by what happens around us.


So what about the specifics in the workplace?

Your job requires you to influence people just about all of the time. It may take the form of gaining support, inspiring others, persuading other people to become your champions, engaging someone's imagination, creating relationships. Whatever form it takes, being an excellent influencer makes your job easier.

An interesting point about people, who use their influencing skills well, is that other people like being around them. There is a kind of exciting buzz, or sense that things happen when they are about.

It's because they don't sit around wishing things were different while moaning there's nothing they can do about it. They don't sit around blaming others nor complaining about what needs fixing that will make things better. They see what needs doing and set about getting it done. Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques.


It is about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the effect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself. Behavior and attitude change are what's important, NOT changing who you are or how you feel and think.


You may try to exert your influence through coercion and manipulation. You might even succeed in getting things done; but that isn't really influencing. That's forcing people to do what you want, often against their will. You would not succeed in winning support. Pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing DO NOT WORK! Like elephants, people will remember the experience.


Indeed, if you force someone to do something you want, without taking their point of view into consideration, then the impression that person is left with is how they will see you forever. You're stuck with it, unless you deliberately change what you do in order to be seen differently. People are far more willing to come halfway (or more) if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn't previously have done because they feel good about making the choice.


Influencing is about understanding yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. Though it can, on occasion, be one way, the primary relationship is two way, and it is about changing how others perceive you. In other words, the cliché, ‘perception is reality’, makes perfect sense in the context of influencing.


It doesn't matter what's going on internally for you - if it isn't perceived by the other person, then it doesn't exist, other than in your mind. You could be doing the most brilliant presentation you've ever created, but if you haven't brought your 'audience' with you, the brilliance is wasted. And that's about being able to see what's going on for them, which will be different, however much you may have in common.


Influencing can sometimes be looked at as the ability to 'finesse', almost sleight of hand. The other person isn't prodded into seeing your view of the world, but is persuaded, often unconsciously, into understanding it. Sometimes you can get so used to your own personal style or way of being or pattern of communicating, that you don't think of how it is being received, and you don't think of behaving in any other way. Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do.


Now what we know is that one of the most powerful forces that affect people's behavior is the avoidance of humiliation. No one wants to embarrass themselves if they can help it. So changing your behavior entails a certain risk. But if that behavior change is deliberate, and you have made an effort to see the world from the other person's point of view, then humiliation can be avoided on both sides.


Whatever the arena you work in influencing others is about having the confidence and willingness to use yourself to make things happen. Influencing people is also the ability to 'work' a dynamic, whether it's a large group, one to one or over the phone. By 'working' the dynamic, I mean using everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.

I have always been intrigued by how easily some people can get others to do what they ask for – be it a tiny favor or an entirely out-of-the-way request. There must be some secret, some basic principles that come into play.

Robert Cialdin, in his book Influence: Science and Practice provided six simple “weapons of influence” that can be evoked to get people to do your bidding:

1) The Law of Reciprocity:
This states that we are obliged to give something back to the person who has given us something first. Marketers make use of this law all the time when they give out “free” samples of their products. They know that there are a good number of people who would buy, just to return the favor.

The law of reciprocity came about mainly as a form of survival mechanism. Human beings had to rely on social exchange to build trust and a community – “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. We’ll both look out for each other”. However, throughout the years, manipulators have learnt to abuse this law. There was a religious group that went about handing strangers flowers and then asking them for a “small donation”. More often than not, the victims are forced to part away with some cash so that they do not break the powerful law of reciprocity.

2) Commitment and Consistency:
Generally, when people commit to an opinion or action, they will usually be consistent and honor the commitment. During World War 2, the Chinese made use of this principle to condition American Prisoners of War (POWs) to view communism as an acceptable form of politics by seemingly harmlessly getting them to write pro-communist opinions and share them verbally with other POWs.

The commitment and consistency principle has been widely used in politics as when voters are asked about their opinions of the candidates before an election. It’s not unusual to find the votes highly consistent with the pre-election commitments. It’s also not difficult to see how pre-framing with a bias towards a particular candidate can work in his favor.

3) Social Proof:
Have you heard of “Monkey Sees, Monkey Does”? What about the herd mentality? Well, essentially they are all the same thing. In social situations, people may be unable to figure out the right mode of behavior. They will thus tend to “follow the crowd”.

Savvy marketers make use of positive experiences of satisfied customers (aka testimonials) to induce prospects to buy their products. You will also see social proof in action in a bar where a man is surrounded by attractive women. Other women will automatically think that he is a high status man and involuntarily feel attracted to him.

4) Liking:
Have you ever noticed that you tend to be easily influenced by people you like? And likability is affected by such characteristics as physical attractiveness, familiarity and similarity. That’s good news, isn’t it?

You can always attend grooming and social etiquette classes to look better and become more attractive to others. The techniques of mirroring, pacing and building rapport in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) help create a sense of familiarity and similarity which accounts for their remarkable effectiveness in getting strangers to open up to you.

5) Authority:
I’m sure you have seen advertisements where an actor dressed in a white coat tells you that a certain product is recommended by doctors or dentists from around the world. Even though you know that he may just be an actor, you are very likely to believe him just because he’s dressed like a doctor/dentist. That is because we tend to respect and listen to authority figures.

6) Scarcity:
The principle of scarcity targets people’s innate fear of loss. Great marketers make full use of scarcity to drive sales all the time. There are at least 2 types of scarcity – Time scarcity and Quantity scarcity.

“Limited Time Offer”, “One Time Offer”, “Sale Ends Today!” and “Offer valid only until midnight” are all examples of time scarcity. They are very effective for getting procrastinators to take action immediately or risk missing the offer.

Quantity scarcity works pretty much in the same way. If you like a shirt or a dress but you are not really sure, you tend to think to yourself, “I can always come back next time”. However, if you find out that it’s the only one left in the store, I can safely bet that you would buy it on the spot!

Execution (Actions/Tasks) Dimension

You may have noticed that when one area of your life is out of harmony or balance that it impacts every other area as well. When you are devoting too much time (and only you know what is too much) to your career, every other aspect of your life is impacted. Every aspect of your life is intricately entwined with every other area. If you choose to devote no time to your personal growth, you will lack skill, understanding or wisdom that could contribute positively to some other aspect of your life. By the same token, if you spend time regularly relaxing or meditating, it could help you find the patience or calmness that you will bring to your career or family issues.

How do you manage family commitments while enhancing your career and dealing with all this increased clutter? Well, most people are aware of their tendency to overload on work or information but simply don't know what to do to get their life back to a healthy balance. Being successful isn't only about your career and your possessions, it's about waking up every day and feeling good about the person you are and the life that you have created.

Many people are searching for ways to achieve positive and lasting change both in and out of work. The reality is many people are now living out someone else's life dreams without leaving the comfort of their own living room. Why renovate your house or makeover your garden, when you can fantasize and watch someone else does it on TV for you? Most people spend more time watching TV than taking time to create positive changes in their lives.

Life is not a rehearsal so why not step up and make a difference?

Individual uplift comes with the right value systems that we incorporate within ourselves, enabling us to relate positively with the rest of the world.

To remain active is one of the basic values a person must inculcate within himself. Activity generates energy within us. It is the insignia of life. Those who give in to inertia vegetate and ultimately lead themselves to destruction. Having initiated action one must give it a proper direction. Activity without purpose is unproductive. One must set an ideal in life and the higher the ideal, the greater the energy generated. Actions dedicated to higher ideals are satisfying, entertaining and rewarding.

But actions undertaken with selfish motives become monotonous and cause fatigue. Look forward to Monday mornings instead of Friday evenings. Human dignity is hinged on pursuing noble ideals in life. Such a life becomes purposeful and meaningful.

Objectivity is an important quality that must go along with activity. It is the capacity to remain impersonal and detached in whatever one does and not allowing oneself to be mixed up with the results of action. True happiness does not lie in results achieved or not achieved but in performance of actions that ought to be done. ''Why have motives?'' when action itself is most enriching, rewarding and ennobling. 'Your life is enriched by the accomplishment of right action rather than the outward success or failure'. Having set a pattern of life one ought to perform actions surrendering to the plan of nature.  Action burdened by the craving of fruits loses its effectiveness. A batsman obsessed with hitting a home run is likely to make a series of mistakes that prevent him from realizing his goal. The right approach is to concentrate on the action and dismiss the thought of the fruit from the mind. Then actions lead to success and ensure peace of mind.

Objectivity is maintained by the supervision of the intellect over the mind. Actions can emanate from the intellect or the mind or a combination of both. The mind functions on mere emotions, likes and dislikes; such impulsive action can spell disaster for the individual. When our intellect chooses action, it is based on reason and judgment, even as emotions support it. Such actions help us in achieving our ideals in life.

Self-control is another important value. Our senses gravitate towards sensing the objects for fulfillment all the time. Unregulated, the senses overtake and destroy our discrimination, taking us away from our set objectives. Sense pleasures are fleeting and temporary. Indiscriminate contact leads to diminishing value in terms of happiness while making us dependent upon the external objects. Self-control is neither denial nor unintelligent contact with the world. It is being a master rather than a slave to the senses.

Gratitude stands out as the foremost of individual qualities. From the moment one is born one is indebted to the world. We are given food and drink, air and light, temperature and right pressure. A sense of gratitude must be cultivated. The more we develop the attitude of giving the more we gain in life both in terms of happiness and prosperity. The way to gain something is to give it away.

This is evident in nature as well. Light consists of seven colors. When an object is bathed in light it absorbs certain colors and reflects back the others. The object actually gains the color of that which it gives away. A blue object appears so because it absorbs all colors, giving back the blue. So also in life, we are parted from that which we cling to and gain that towards which we maintain a spirit of dispassion. A value-conscious person maintains an inner cheer. His actions are dynamic and beneficial to all.

Next week, let’s take a look at the Inner Life and discuss how one can balance the three dimensions that comprise the inner life as a means to harmonizing their life and achieving inner peace spiritually.

In the meantime, I welcome you to share your Self-awareness story in the comments section below on this blog and I promise to read your story.

11 Dimensions of Self Awareness - Balancing Life: Home Life

6^th article of the Series

At the start of this series of articles, I introduced the concept of Inner Life and Outer Life on opposite ends of the Balance of Life. I also stated that there are a total of eleven dimensions overall to balancing the Life Wheel in order to achieve harmony, joy and success in one’s life.

Both work life and home life exist on the same side of the scale - the Outer Life. They each have 4 dimensions in them. In this article, my focus will be on the home life which has these 4 dimensions in it: Family, Social, Financial – aka ARDHA and Ethics & Beliefs – aka DHARMA. In the next article, I will discuss the work life which has the following 4 dimensions in it: People, Productivity, Execution – aka KARMA, and Leadership. On the opposite side of the scale, the Inner Life consists of 3 dimensions: body, mind and spirit/soul to complete the Life Wheel with 11 dimensions to it.

Many people wonder why they do not have the success that they want in life. Most of the time, the reason will be right under their nose; they are just unable to see it. The first thing that someone who is not successful in life should ask is, "Am I successful in my personal life and relationships?"

If the answer is no, then you now have your answer as to why you are not successful in life. You cannot have a successful life if you do not have adequate personal and social development.

Family life typically reflects our capability to cope with abundance and affluence. There seems to be a lack of internal strength to walk the talk. Two reasons emerge for explaining that inability to build successful human relationships in the midst of an increasingly materialistic consumer culture. One is our often unconscious acceptance of a self-centered individualism that insists on the right to do what is best for ‘me’. The other reason follows from such thinking and can be called a mindset of unrealistic expectations. Whatever comes our way, it does not seem good enough.

Successful family life needs both, a spiritual commitment and relationship skills.  In my view, such a lasting commitment for improving family relationships has its roots in our love for God and the ensuing active spiritual life for all family members. What is included in that understanding of the original God-given potential of a fulfilled family life?  Human development advances in stages of building loving relationships. The experience of love does not just happen in a general way by reaching out to others, but it is originally designed to take place within the family. In other words, first we need to build loving relationships with family members, thus experiencing growth towards maturation, and then we will be able to extend our love to the world around us.

It is the family where we experience four successive stages of loving relationships, namely, children's love, sibling love, conjugal love and parental love. Each of these loving relationships affects a distinct formation in the personality of the family members. It may take some effort to understand the unique characteristics of these four basic types of love that define family life. The experience of the four types of loving relationships in the family then contributes its formative influence to our personal development. Thus, the family provides education for the experience of love and it also reveals the ultimate meaning of love as the connecting medium between the temporal and the eternal realms. That is to say, the experience of loving family relationships in the physical, temporal order prepares human beings for their existence in the spiritual, eternal order. In short, loving relationships have a distinct spiritual dimension by virtue of manifesting different aspects of God's love. A vision statement of healthy family life needs to pay special attention to that spiritual aspect of love.

Returning to the four types of love within the family, we discover a unique significance for each of them. First, there are sibling love and conjugal love that show mainly a horizontal nature, emphasizing growth and development in the physical order among family members of the same generation. Brothers and sisters express their love through sharing, mutual respect and cooperation, thus undergoing a growth process in preparation for marriage. They develop their sexual identity and face a unique growing experience during the time of puberty. The unmistakable sign of human self-transcendence consists of our identity as sexual beings.

Conjugal love begins with marriage and marks the fulfillment of sexual love as originally intended by God. Husband and wife within their horizontal loving exchange of mutual self-giving develop a two-in-oneness and in this way establish the ideal of becoming a perfect object partner for God, thus being able to respond to HIS love. That is to say, God's vertical love finds its substantial expression in the horizontal love of the mature couple, thus forming a three-in-oneness between husband, wife and God. The realization of true love through the God intended ideal of marriage affirms also human co-creatorship. God's fruitfulness is expressed in human fruitfulness. The birth of children then marks the propagation of true love through the establishment of lineage. Ultimately, we can understand that the married couple and the family become the full expression of the image of God, thus expanding the earlier notion that individuals are the complete divine image.

The remaining two kinds of love, namely, children's love and parent's love are primarily of a vertical nature where the mutual response of dependence and unconditional giving connects the two generations. Children take mainly a receptive position that is best described with a disposition of piety and gratitude, while parents assume an actively loving role that reflects a sacrificial disposition. When referring to its spiritual dimension, the parent-child relationship signifies the loving relation between God and human beings. We are created as God's children who themselves become fathers and mothers, thus experiencing the parental heart of God. Furthermore, the family becomes the place for the unfolding of God's love through establishing a family lineage through the appearance of the new generation. In fact, inasmuch as establishing the family lineage communicates the parental experience, it marks also the goal of personal maturation, namely, to become the image of God by inheriting his parental heart. Here, human beings have the potential to realize the essence of their own personality by reflecting God's unchanging parental heart of unconditional giving.

Discovering our God given potential to become loving personalities involves an internal change. Our understanding of the aforementioned vision of the healthy family may well be the starting point for such an inner transformation. To carry out all good intentions for change in our marriage relationship, we need to be constantly motivated by the ultimate purpose of our lives, namely, to respond to the love of our Creator. Not only the spouses but all family members will understand the importance of a strong spiritual life that functions as the foundation for our desired internal transformation.

We have explored our God given potential for a healthy family life. As much as we may acknowledge such an essential orientation towards loving relationships in our human nature, nevertheless, our contemporary culture rallies behind a different message, of individualism. We are supposed to believe that a complete life is the result of paying attention to the self. The self is selected as the locus for advancing the quality of life, resulting in a pre-occupation with self-realization, self-gratification and self-fulfillment. Here, emerges the need for an internal transformation from secular self-centered individualism towards a God-centered individualism that cares for others first. At the core of the needed inner transformation lies in a new vision of the family. Such a vision implies that individualism cannot be an end in itself but needs to be redefined in terms of including the higher purpose of building a loving family and serving the community.

Social Dimension

The essence of the above discussion is that we need to experience such an inner transformation on three levels to reach a new human self-understanding that serves as the foundation for lasting peace.

On the Individual level:

We need to redefine the healthy personality by allowing reason to exist in the service of love. The past emphasis on our rational faculty has caused an analysis of the self that often ignored our God given potential to focus first on building loving relationships. The healthy personality attains a mind-body unity that is directed towards realizing the ideal of true love. In this way, we reach the consciousness of a new individualism that is centered on self-transcendence and the higher purpose of living for the well being of others.

On the Family level:

We find the resources for making the ideal of true love substantial. The secular individualism needs to be transformed into a culture that affirms the new individualism of living for the sake of others. Once the love of parents finds fulfillment in mutual commitment and affection while embracing God's loving partnership, the raising of good children will follow ‘naturally.’

On the Social level:

We need to leave behind our narrow agendas of partisanship and historical divisions rooted in ethnicity, race and nationalism. Such a healing of the past is effected by the new consciousness for humanity that is best described as the consciousness of the global family. Here lies the ultimate vision for world peace. I may add that peace is not just the absence of conflict but it marks the active state of a fulfilling family life for all humankind. Let us go forward and support with our own lives the centrality of God loving families for our common goal of attaining lasting world peace.

Social development is about how you deal with other people. Obviously, people skills and social development are necessary for the development of one’s professional or Outer Life. How you interact with your co-workers, your boss, and your customers, clients, or prospects is just as important as your actual work performance. Social development skills include situation management, stress management, problem solving, dispute resolution, and communication skills. Without proper social development, you cannot have a successful career.

Our personality traits come in opposites. We think of ourselves as optimistic or pessimistic, independent or dependent, emotional or unemotional, adventurous or cautious, leader or follower, aggressive or passive. Many of these are inborn temperament traits, but other characteristics, such as feeling either competent or inferior, appear to be learned, based on the challenges and support we receive in growing up.

Financial Dimension

One of the biggest risks entrepreneurs and owner-managers face is the potential financial exposure if the business fails. Especially where personal assets have been used to secure business finance, or personal guarantees have been given.

However there are other situations where financial exposure can arise. Withdrawing funds from the business can be treated as a loan and, along with the ultimate need for repayment, can bring a variety of tax implications to bear. The blurring of the distinction between business funds and personal funds is an area where great care is needed.

On a less tangible level, but equally significant, is the area of personal development. How can you progress your career and personal development if you are the boss; you tend not to involve yourself in external training, do not have a mentor and are basically accountable only to yourself.

It is possible for you to continue to grow professionally, but there is a risk that you will overlook your own development. In fact, there is a risk after a long period of self-employment that you will become less attractive to other employers.

It’s possible that the business side of life can overtake and subsume your personal life, to the point where you may not have any personal activities or interests at all. This of course, is not a sustainable situation and work effectiveness can decline, stress levels can rise, relationships can become strained and your health can suffer. The idea of a better quality of life can become a distant dream.

What are the warning signs?

While it is possible for a good accounting system to manage personal payments coming out of the business, a better approach is to keep all monies separate. A disciplined approach to the petty cash tin and the business checking account is needed to ensure they are not used for personal activities. 

It’s not a good sign if you feel your friends and past work colleagues seem to be learning more than you are. If you feel you are a bit out of touch, take it as a warning sign that you need to structure some personal growth and development activities.

As for quality of life; Well! We all know the warning signs here. Not sleeping well, putting on weight, being short tempered, not getting proper holidays, and losing interest in things, only able to talk about the business… This would be familiar territory for many owner-managers and entrepreneurs, but take it for what it is – a big message.

What should you do?

There is a legal distinction between a business owner and a business no matter how interdependent they are. Keep a sense of separation. Lack of a business plan is often a sign of an owner manager who has no direction.

You need a plan for your life and a separate plan for the business. Blurring the line between the two can lead to confusion, misdirection and financial disorder.

Ethics and Beliefs Dimension

It has been said that values, morals and ethics are inextricably tied together. Values are what we learn from childhood; the 'stuff' we absorb from our parents and immediate surroundings. Morals are the intrinsic beliefs developed from the value systems of how we 'should' behave in any given situation. Ethics, on the other hand, are how we actually do behave in the face of difficult situations that test our moral fiber.

Belief systems are established early in life through environments of home, church, school, and social gatherings which help to mold and shape these beliefs. Most of these beliefs and patterns of behavior are established through the unconscious observations and experiences of childhood in the aforementioned environments. These I refer to as ‘outer’ experiences which are akin to the 'nurture' piece of the 'nature-nurture' developmental processes.

Our values, morals and ethics and intrinsic functionality in society stems from ‘inner’ experiences, or what I feel akin to the ‘nature’ element of the developmental processes, although it is the 'outer' details that generally rule the scene. For most, the internal experience is often ignored because of the lack of external acceptance or validation.

In order to raise ethical standards, we need to bring back a sense of equilibrium to where we live by solid, moral standards without being consumed by them. This is called balance. Ethically, we need a sense of stability whereby we do not take it for granted yet we are able to make firm moral decisions without panic, guilt, or indecision. Being ethically balanced refers to your state of mind rather than your ethical scorecard.

If you live your life oblivious to any deeply held moral and ethical beliefs, then you are out of balance. Sure, you may exist peacefully and honestly for some time, but when the inevitable crisis occurs, your natural response will be for self-preservation or doing what "feels" right at the time of the decision. That's not balance.

If you live life by maintaining only minimal ethical standards or none at all, you are out of balance. Even if you live by the letter of the law with perfection as your only standard, you are likely out of ethical balance. 

So, what does good ethical balance look like? To some extent, everyone has a little bit of all these extremes lurking somewhere. But an ethically balanced person has values, perspective, responsibility, and character.

Values are the fundamental principles or rules when lived by make you "ethical" or not. You must have deeply-held core values that show themselves visibly in the everyday moral decisions you make.

Perspective prevents you from leaning to one extreme or another. Having an ethical perspective requires the ability to be flexible in interpreting and analyzing things within a morally principled framework. That is, you are not judgmental of others yet you have a solid moral foundation to see the big picture and live in peace with it.

Ethically balanced people accept responsibility for their ethical shortcomings and make a genuine effort to change for the better. It is more than blame. It is an effort to do what it takes to change and move forward.

There must be a genuine self-awareness of who you are at your very core. What do you believe is right or wrong? This is the real you behind the façades and outward appearances. Your character should not change with the circumstance but be a constant moral anchor.

To summarize, you want to be "in the zone," when encountering ethical crises that push you to the limit. There, you are ethically balanced and see situations with clarity and certainty despite the obstacles in front of you.

Next week, I’ll take a look at the Work Life and discuss the four dimensions that comprise the outer life part of the Wheel of Life.

In the meantime, I welcome you to share your Self-awareness story in the comments section below and I promise to read your story.