Are You In Tune with the Emotions of the People

Excellent customer service providers are in tune with the emotions of the people they deal with through awareness and empathy.

They are proficient at handling conflicts, and they have the ability to maintain positive attitudes while engaged in their work. However, a continual barrage of negative customer interactions can be a reality within the role of service providers, and they can cause what is commonly called emotional labor.

Arlie Hochschild, author of The Managed Heart: Communication of Human Feeling, defines emotional labor as displaying a set of emotions that differ from the emotions the service provider is currently feeling. Based on this definition, people in service jobs who are acting differently than they are feeling can experience high doses of emotional labor which can cause stress, fatigue, and diminished impulse control.

Service providers deal with a higher level of stress no matter what product or service they provide due to the fact that customer interactions are always fueled with many types of emotions. Stress is a physical reaction that you experience when you cannot cope or have difficulty dealing with a negative or threatening situation. Due to the direct connection between a service provider’s role and stressful situation, learning how to understand, manage, and reduce stress becomes an important skill to master.

In the book Stress Management for Dummies, author Allen Elkin cites:

Ø  7 out 19 people felt stress at some point on a typical workday.

Ø  People reported that they lost their temper an average of 5 times a month.

Ø  Many people reported that stress contributes to doing things they regret later.

Ø  About 5% of those asked said stress was preventing them from enjoying their lives.

People under stress tend to be more on edge and will erupt more quickly and violently, increasing their number of conflicts with people in general. Extreme stress saps your energy because your body is functioning in emergency mode. Stress tightens your muscles, impacts your breathing and the flow of oxygen to your vital organs, and it can cause sleep to be difficult. High stress can put a strain on many of your bodily functions and can lead to high blood pressure, ulcers, and heart attacks. It can become a vicious cycle. Obviously, reducing stress can have many health benefits as well as making your life more enjoyable and rewarding. It is important to identify what pushes your buttons and produces stress in your life. Identifying your stress producers is the first step in effectively managing and reducing stress.

In order to effectively manage stress, you must build or increase your tolerance for stress. Stress management is your ability to deal effectively with adverse events and stressful situations without falling apart. Having a positive outlook on new experiences and change is also important. Plus the ability to stay calm and maintain control in stressful situations is a large part of building an increased tolerance level. People who excel at stress management tend to face crises and problems head on with a positive attitude rather than surrendering to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and self-doubt.

The first step is to understand where the stress is coming from or what events are activating the stressful feelings you are experiencing. Check out future blog for more on reducing and eliminating stress.

Matching Your Mood to the Task at Hand

There are, of course, no easy solutions to managing emotions on an hourly basis in the often difficult circumstances in which Leaders must operate and make decisions.

But can you afford, as a leader, to even entertain this thought? All of the research on employee performance points to the contrary. There is a concept in French which is called "Noblesse oblige". It means, roughly, that wealth, power and prestige go hand-in-hand with certain social responsibilities – in other words, with privilege comes duty. It is a privilege when we have the opportunity to lead a team of people, but with it comes many responsibilities, chief of which, some leadership pundits would contend, is managing moods.

In a research study conducted at Harvard Business School, it was found that up to 30% of a company's financial results as measured by key business performance indicators such as revenue growth, return on sales, efficiency and profitability are determined by the climate of the organization.

So what is the major factor that drives the climate of an organization? It's the Leader.

More than two thirds of how employees perceive their organization's climate is attributable to the actions and behaviors of their leader. A leader creates the environment that determines people's moods at work and their mood, in turn, affects their productivity and level of engagement.

The brain is like an instrument we can tune for the job at hand - something like tuning a guitar to the right key for a song. Cognitive research shows that reading the fine print in a contract takes a very different state than, say, coming up with a clever name for your business.

Our emotions are the keyboard we play in tuning our brains. Here are some of the ways moods match to tasks at hand. By allowing the brain to generate a greater fluidity of thoughts, our positive moods make us better at coming up with novel ideas, solving problems, and making decisions.

On the downside, though, upbeat moods make us a bit more gullible, by weakening our ability to detect the weaknesses in an argument someone is making. We are more prone to making snap decisions we might regret later. And we are less careful in paying attention to the details of tasks.

The upside of being down, or at least more somber; we can more easily focus on those details we missed or ignored while we were upbeat - we pay more attention even to boring jobs. The take home is - get serious before you read that contract.

Some other benefits to sour moods - we are more skeptical, and so less likely to take someone's word for it - even an expert's. We ask more questions and come to our own independent conclusion.

Then there is anger. Aristotle said, "anyone can get angry - that's easy. But to get angry in the right way, for the right reason, at the right time, and with the right person - that's not so easy."

So, you found an unfair charge on your credit card bill? Get angry - but in the right way. Anger - which can so readily get us to do or say something we regret later - has its virtues. If we can channel the anger, it raises our energy and focuses us on changing things for the better - persisting in complaining until we get that charge removed.

Some downsides of anger are obvious, like the toxicity it puts in the air for those around us. But some costs are more subtle - anger makes us pessimistic, and so more likely to give up rather than keep trying after some setback. We have a built-in negative bias toward everything we see, and so a negative spin in our judgments. And then there is the problem that our emotions are contagious - so if we are cranky at the office, we can, not only ruin everyone else's day, but also their effectiveness.

Finding Strengths in Weaknesses

 ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently, I had an intense few days involving an extremely spiritual and emotionally significant event that has recently ended, or at least ended in one form.

These feelings are all normal and to be expected, of course. But I noticed that when I let full vent to my emotions, without trying to be strong or stoic, I felt better. I still felt grief and sadness, but they felt right, somehow–not like suffering, not like something I had to overcome or escape.

This started me thinking about this characteristic I have of feeling emotions–and expressing them–very intensely. I realized that for my whole life I have felt emotions intensely, and in relationships, even the short-lived ones, I have always given of myself 100%. Though it always hurts to not get the same reception from someone you love, I got to thinking: This characteristic I have of giving love so totally–is this a strength or a weakness?

On one hand, it hurts, and I do tend to give myself away too quickly, without waiting to see if the other person is capable of meeting me in the same way. This can be seen as a weakness, something for me to work on tempering.

On the other hand, the fact that I have the capacity to give myself in this way, over and over, even when I have been hurt, can be seen as a strength. I don’t want to stop being able to do that. I like that about myself. I never want to let the pain of the past interfere with my ability to feel, fully, in the present–to give of myself and to express my inner self.

Though feelings can hurt, the ability to feel is a gift. And the ability to express feelings to others is a gift to them. To hold back emotions is to keep back a special gift from the world.

When we notice parts of ourselves that we consider weaknesses, I wonder if we can stop for a moment and look at them closely, to see if, somewhere, there are underlying strengths there as well.

If we have a tendency to get angry, for instance (as I do), doesn’t that also mean that we feel we are worthy of self-protection–that we feel things passionately?

If we sometimes overeat, can this also mean that we have an appreciation for the senses, or that we have the capacity and self-love to want to comfort ourselves when we are hurting?

Yes, we may need to work on expressing these emotions in a healthier way, but can we accept what we need to work on while also exploring the other side of the coin? Can we modify our behavior while still retaining the knowledge that, underneath the unhealthy behaviors are positive aspects that are longing to express themselves?

Can we actually use our weaknesses to discover our strengths?

I am passionate. I love fully and don’t hold back from my partners. I feel strongly and I am not afraid of expressing the truths of my soul. Though our culture may suggest it’s better to hold back, to appear “reasonable” and calm, to me, this is one of my greatest strengths and gifts to the universe. It’s taken me a long time to realize this.

What about you? Where are your strengths hidden within your weaknesses?

Quantum Physics of Belief – Fear Based Decision Making

Since the beginning of the year, I was writing about quantum physics and business research to explore the correlation between the science of consciousness and patterns in the business world, to suggest innovative ways of using this wisdom to lead and succeed in a business environment that is constantly evolving at a rapid pace. Once we reach a greater understanding of how we are actualizing the world, we’ll do a lot of things differently. One of the big ones will be controlling how we let information from the external world influences our emotions.

[BTW, did you listen to my radio talk on Quantum Physics of Belief – Emotions couple of weeks ago? It was a huge success and attracted a lot of listeners preferring to download the show. If you haven’t already, please access the archive at #BlogTalkRadio and we are going to refer to some of the concepts that I discussed in that presentation.]

In our conventional way of looking at the world, we would say that reading news is simply getting ourselves informed about what is happening or likely to happen. Most people still believe what is happening out there in the world is largely out of our control and happening to us. They see the news as a source to tell them what could potentially hit next. Based on what we are now learning about our beliefs and emotions playing an active role in creating our world, we can no longer hold such a view.

Physics research presents undeniable evidence that we are actualizing our world, not just through our actions, but also directly through our thoughts and emotions. From the previous articles in this Quantum Physics of Belief series we know that conditions in the physical world are being directly influenced by the contents of our beliefs and emotions. We have plenty of evidence showing that events and conditions in the external world will conform to our beliefs, with the beliefs coming first, followed by the experience.

We also see the impact of group energy, or consciousness, on the creation of experience in the realm of business. Business research shows that organizations manifest experiences consistent with their belief systems. One example is that belief in abundance, as demonstrated by win-win negotiation tactics, results in higher profitability. Even in a conventional manner of looking at the economy, we know that the level of fear in a society largely determines its future economic conditions.

Once we accept the research and acknowledge the cause effect relationship, we can clearly see the detrimental impact of fear. Fear influences our beliefs and emotions, which in turn negatively influence conditions in the external world. In other words, our personal fear is contributing to unfavorable conditions in the external world. Refusing to feel the fear is not denying the conditions in the world, but rather it is choosing to change them.

Once we realize that belief and emotions precede, or cause, experience, the solution is easier to see. We will simply choose not to subject ourselves to the influx of fear. We may see a headline that conjures up fear, but we’ll quickly move on to another article or change the channel. We’ll know that nothing constructive is achieved by exposing ourselves to fear.

It’s interesting to note that once we walk away from the fear in our news sources, the content of the news will change. Reporters only report on what people will read, so when fear is no longer attractive, they’ll move on. Let’s help them move on sooner.

Fear is one of the most basic of human instincts. It is fear that allowed humanoids to survive during primitive times, and it is still the basis of survival today. Without fear, you would not take the time to look both ways before crossing the street. However, too much constraining fear in the organizational context can produce a gridlock of activities among the people that prevent the establishment of trust.

The absence of unnecessary fear is a huge benefit for any organization. Some fear is good for the self preservation of individuals and organizations, but keeping it at the lowest possible level is liberating and will bring out the best in people.

On a personal level; Fear based decisions can be anything – some of them are big ones, some of them are not as big, sometimes we don’t even realize we make them.

I lived a life based on fear for a long time. I still probably do sometimes, but I have committed to reduce the amount of my fear based decisions to an absolute minimum.

Can I stop doing it altogether? Yes, it is possible. Is it hard? Maybe not, all I have to do is just decide, right? Does it take lots of courage and trust? Absolutely!

Here are some of the things that I did in the last few years to eliminate fear based decisions from my life. I stopped working on a business that had big potential, but wasn’t really aligned with my purpose.

It was tough because I did enjoy that business so I couldn’t say that I was staying in it completely out of fear. But after thinking about it for a while I realized that it was not my purpose and it wasn’t something I saw myself doing and enjoying long term. So I had to let it go. That decision took lots of courage and trust because it also cut down a large part of my income but I don’t regret.

I let go of relationships that were no longer based on love and just drained my energy. I let go of fear to play small and now dream as big as I feel like dreaming. I let go of the need to please certain people.

So, how do we stop making decisions predominantly based on fear? How do you reduce the amount of fear based decisions in your life as much as possible?

1. Find your “Whys”. Why do you want to stop making decision based on fear? Even if they are small ones. Even if you hardly notice doing it. Why do you want to stop? What are your “whys”?

Most likely one of your “whys” is a desire to live a more authentic life. Or maybe a desire to spread the vibe of love and acceptance? Or maybe your “why” is your desire to have that inner knowing that you are being true to yourself?

What are your “whys”?

2. Make unconscious conscious. It is proven that up to 95% of our daily activity is based on the subconscious programming we have downloaded from the past. Most of the decisions we make on a daily basis, we don’t even question. We make them based on that programming.

The result? Lots of fear without us even realizing we have it.

How do you stop living on autopilot? Become Self Aware. Learn being fully present in every moment. Then you’ll be able to consciously make a choice and notice yourself making fear based decision right away.

3. Love and accept yourself.  Only with true love and acceptance can you let go of the part of you that is overtaken by fear.

Accept yourself with all of your imperfection. Accept your worries, doubts. Accept the fact that you were making those fear based decisions.

Accept even the fact that you might continue making them no matter how hard you try to stop. It may sound counterintuitive when I said that, but, trust me, what you resist, persists. Instead of fighting the defeatist behavior, try accepting and face the facts.

4. Find your True Self; find your purpose and passions. Too often we live our lives based on the limitations and standards others imposed on us.

What do you truly want in life? What is your purpose? What are your passions? Amazingly, once we discover our purpose and what we truly are passionate about, making love based decisions and letting go of those that are based on fear becomes so much easier.

5.  Jump, the net will appear. It takes courage to leave a job that is paying your bills and commit to doing what you love. It sometimes takes courage to leave relationships that no longer make you happy.

It takes courage and lots of faith to commit to making decisions not based on fear. Take that courage. 

I think if you follow all of the steps listed above, finding the courage will be easy. I almost dare to say it will happen automatically. At least that is what happened to me.

You may be wondering at this point as to what we should be based on when making decisions, if not on fear; and how can we make decisions based on ‘love’ in a business environment? Typically, most business organizations have 3 types of statements; mission, vision and values that serve as governing tools to help guide the organization in creating the future for their business. The organization's vision is all about where we are headed, what is possible, and all about that potential. The mission is what we will do to get there and what it takes to make that vision come true. Furthermore, if your goal is to create the future of your organization - the lofty goals of your vision statement - then you will want to ensure your work reflects the values you want to see in your business; meaning that your decision making is values based.

Values are deeply held views of what we find worthwhile. They come from many sources: parents, religion, schools, peers, people we admire, and culture. Many go back to childhood. There are others we learn as adults. As with all mental models, there’s a distinction between our “espoused” values, which we profess to believe in, and our “values in action” which actually guide our behaviors. These latter values are coded into our brains at such a fundamental level that we can’t easily see them. We rarely bring them to the surface or question them. That’s why they can create dissonance for us.  Talking about our values can help us to understand our motivation behind our actions. Values can be Positive or Potentially Limiting. For example, honesty, trust and accountability are positive values, whereas blame, revenge and manipulation are potentially limiting.

Positive values are known as virtues. These are the values that emanate from the soul. Potentially limiting values emanate from the conscious or subconscious fear-based beliefs of the ego.

The behaviors associated with potentially limiting values support the ego in meeting its needs. Blame is seen by the ego as a way of avoiding humiliation. Revenge is seen by the ego as a way of getting even. Manipulation is seen by the ego as way of maneuvering to get its needs met.

Personal mastery involves letting go of the ego’s limiting values, and replacing them with the values (virtues) of the soul. In order to let go of your limiting values you must learn how to manage, master or eliminate your fear-based beliefs. When we uncover our values they allow us to transcend the belief structures of our parental and cultural conditioning, so we can become more fully who we are, and live a more authentic life.

Leaders with well-developed emotional self-awareness are more effective intuitive decision makers. In complex situations, intuitive decision makers process large amounts of sometimes unstructured and ambiguous data, and they choose a course of action based on a "gut feeling" or a "sense" of what's best. This type of decision making is becoming more important for managers as the rate of change and the levels of uncertainty and complexity in their competitive environments increase. Managers who are highly emotionally self-aware are better able to read their "gut feelings" and use them to guide decisions.

Live with love, live with purpose, passion, and values!

Quantum Physics of Belief - Emotional Hijacks

Following my radio talk on Quantum Physics of Belief – Emotions last Saturday on #BlogTalkRadio, a former coaching client of mine (who wishes to remain anonymous but, nevertheless permitted me to share his story) reminded me of his experience and posed a question on Amygdala Hijacks. I thought it appropriate to extend this discussion to shed some more light on this topic. BTW, the response for the radio talk was overwhelming. Thanks to all of my listeners and eMBC Blog readers for your continued support and helping to inspire me to write more.

Most of the books I read about the brain and emotional intelligence talk about an emotional or amygdala hijacking, which is what you see when the boss loses it and goes on a rant. It’s not pretty, and almost always makes the hijacker look pretty stupid. Amygdala hijack is a term coined by Dr Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

My good friend, Dr Joel Bomane from Sunny Southern France often talks about Amygdala in his weekly radio shows, ‘The Brain Odyssey’ series as part of the VoARadio Network on #BlogTalkRadio. According to Dr Bomane, the amygdala is the brain’s radar for threat. It is very handy when hunting for food: it triggers a survival response faster than you can say “hungry tiger.” The problem is that we no longer run into tigers, but instead encounter angry coworkers and bosses on the prowl. But the amygdala makes no difference between a threat to our survival and a threat to our ego. Same response: fight or flight. And for many of us, we don’t think it’s manly to turn and flee, so we engage in verbal jujitsu akin to World Heavy Weight Wrestling. But when in the grips of a hijack, the amygdala makes mistakes. It only receives a fraction of the data available.

The term amygdala hijack describes any situation in which a person responds inappropriately based on emotional rather than intellectual factors. The amygdala is the emotional center of the human brain and can create split-second responses when a person is threatened. An inappropriate emotional response to a perceived threat is thus called an amygdala hijack.

The amygdala is part of the brain for many of the higher vertebrates. It regulates the fight or flight response that is key to the survival mechanism for many animals, including humans and other primates. At the moment a threat is perceived, the amygdala can override the neocortex, the center of higher thinking, and initiate a violent response. In the wild or in the presence of actual physical threats, this can be a life-saving function. In ordinary day-to-day living, however, this amygdala hijack can inspire impulsive responses the person will later regret.

On some levels, the human brain does not distinguish between a genuine threat to life or health and a subjective threat, such as loss of job status. While the latter might not even result in a change of income, a person who values a job highly may respond to such a status change as if it were an actual threat. If he or she takes inappropriate action against a co-worker or supervisor, however, the result could be a demotion or even the loss of the job. This illustrates Goleman’s three-stage definition of the amygdala hijack: emotional reaction, inappropriate response, and later regret.

And in today’s workplaces, most of our dangers are symbolic, not physical threats. So we react in ways we often regret later.

Let me give you an example of an event that took place sometime ago with one of my coaching clients and this could vividly explain what we really mean by an Amygdala Hijack.

I was working with an executive who found himself flooded by his emotions and was pleased with himself for adopting a recovery strategy whereby he cut himself off from any emotional content. He was surprised when our coaching conversations explored the downsides of both behaviors and opened the door to a third way of behaving.

One day, my client was planning to work at home, in order to make a medical appointment in the morning and to avoid a two hour round-trip commute to be in the office for the afternoon. That noon, he received a call at home from one of his peers, another member of the executive committee, who said he had to come to work. The firm had to decide how to address employee concerns about leaving early due to weather risks from hurricane Gustav [August 2008 in Florida]. The situation was complicated because the management team in the parent office, located in another state, did not want their distribution operations disrupted and were insensitive to the weather potential and the employee concerns.

My client reacted strongly and rather rudely to his peer. He did not like to be told he had to come in and was acting out his indignation. He was not attuned to his peer or to the employees. To his credit, he caught himself when he remembered the principle that leaders are expected to lead by example and chided himself that he should not be asking others to do something he was not willing to do. He shared this with his peer and then went to the office, checking in on the various departments and being visible.

As we debriefed this event, it became clear that he had been triggered by being told “he had to.” He got flooded by his emotions, driven by his implicit memories of being told he had to do things. Once flooded, his only strategy to regain control was to go for a full tourniquet block on his emotions. While he prided himself on being able to “shed his emotions” and then make a principle-based decision, we discussed how much he lost by both his initial reaction and then by his secondary reaction. The initial reaction, blasting a peer with his emotional outburst, cost him relationship points with this peer. His secondary reaction, shedding all emotion, left him incapable of being empathic with his peer and left him devoid of any curiosity. My client described himself as being in a state of “brain lock.”

Another pathway would have been for my client to be aware of his emotions without acting out on them. This requires a certain detachment. He then could be curious about the context. It turns out that his peer was the only company officer on-site and that she was very uncomfortable with the decisions that needed to be made. He could have learned more about the issues, as she saw them. An empathic conversation, one that did not happen, could have built relationship and provided insights into alternative courses of action.

Following the pathway of keeping perspective and not acting out on emotions could have provided my client with access to other ways of creatively thinking about the situation. Leading by example is great, but other factors also come into play. Ironically, his emotional flooding left him starving for data.

This is a classic amygdala hijack. Dr Daniel Goleman, noted for his work on emotional intelligence, explains how the flood of hormones from the amygdala leads our brains to bypass the normal pathways for higher functioning and throws us into an escalating pattern, where we see things through our fight/flight/freeze lens. When this happens to us, this flood of stress-related hormones leaves us feeling like we have lost 20-30 IQ points. That is not something most of us can afford to do without!

Here are the five top amygdala triggers in the workplace, from Tony Schwartz’ book The Way We are Working Isn’t Working:

1.    Condescension and lack of respect

2.    Being treated unfairly

3.    Being Unappreciated

4.    Feeling that you are not being listened to or heard

5.    Being held to unrealistic deadlines

Especially in today’s climate of economic uncertainty, on the tail end of an ugly recession, there’s a lot of free-floating fear in the air. It doesn’t take much to trigger fear of family security, which is enough to get anybody seriously upset.

If you find yourself struggling with on-the-job stresses that are triggering either the emotional flooding or the emotional tourniquet responses, Goleman advises mindfulness training, such as meditation, to reduce the likelihood of an amygdala hijack. Meditation and similar exercises, such as tai chi, encourages a person to focus on his or her surroundings and process mental data in a calm state of mind. With practice, this kind of thinking will become second nature and can allow a person to retain a sense of calm focus even during crises. Here are some specific steps that one can incorporate in your training to minimize such Amygdala hijacks:

1.    Pay attention. Notice when you are in the middle of a hijack.

2.    Use deep breathing to gain time and space. This lets more oxygen into your brain and lets your rational brain begin to work.

3.    Use a mantra or self-talk, like “I’m okay; this isn’t a real threat. Give me a second to come out of it.”

4.    Ask for a few minutes, a time break, as in: “Let me get back to you on this.”

Hijacks can last a few seconds or a few minutes, but the sooner you break its spell, the better you’ll feel. You’ll learn you can keep in control without losing face.

Quantum Physics of Belief - Empathy

For the past few months, I was writing about quantum physics and business research to explore innovative ways of using the latest research and wisdom to lead and succeed in a global business environment that is constantly evolving at a rapid pace. As leaders, we need to know what’s going on with our teams and employees. Are they facing major obstacles? Is their rational thinking overridden with fear? They are not always willing to say they need help, as they may perceive it as a sign of weakness or they may believe there will be negative repercussions.

Two weeks ago, in an earlier article on emotions, I have described how science is now showing us ways to read the emotions of other people, so we can proactively offer help. I am certainly aware of the unease or self-conscious discomfort that many people feel when a term such as "empathy" is introduced in a business environment. However, in this article, let me show how to take empathy to the next level.

Empathy is the act of recognizing and sharing the feelings (such as jubilation or fear) that are being experienced by another person. New scientific discovery is giving us confidence to expand on this traditional definition by including the ability to pick up on the feelings, bodily sensations of another person. Indeed, empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our "people acumen" and informs our decisions. As leaders, this helps us know if an employee needs our help to clear an obstacle or needs to receive some encouragement.

A large number of experiments using functional MRI have shown that certain brain regions are active when people experience a certain emotion and the same regions are active when they see another person experiencing the same emotion. The practice of “feeling into” another person is reportedly used in psychotherapy, and now we can use it in other areas of our lives, including the more mundane business world.

There are numerous studies that link empathy to business results. They include studies that correlate empathy with increased sales, with the performance of the best managers of product development teams and with enhanced performance in an increasingly diverse workforce.

Yes, increasingly, the topic of empathy is encroaching on the business world. We are now even seeing terms such as "empathy marketing" and "empathy selling". Not long ago, I came across the term "user empathy", referring to user interface.

Empathy; which is the ability to imagine yourself in someone else's position, to imagine what they are feeling, to understand what makes people tick, to create relationships and to be caring of others; is very difficult to outsource or automate, and yet is increasingly important to businesses in a global economic environment.

The modern management guru, Dr. Daniel Goleman wrote, "Leaders with empathy, do more than sympathize with people around them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle, but important ways." This doesn't mean that they agree with everyone's view or try to please everybody. Rather, they "thoughtfully consider employees' feelings – along with other factors – in the process of making intelligent decisions."

Empathy, then, is an ability that is well-worth cultivating. It's a soft, sometimes abstract tool in a leader's toolkit that can lead to hard, tangible results. But where does empathy come from? Is it a process of thinking or of emotion? From a scientific perspective as explained above, I believe that it is both: We need to use our reasoning ability to understand another person's thoughts, feelings, reactions, concerns, motives; This means truly making an effort to stop and think for a moment about the other person's perspective in order to begin to understand where they are coming from: And then we need the emotional capacity to care for that person's concern; Caring does not mean that we would always agree with the person, that we would change our position, but it does mean that we would be in tune with what that person is going through, so that we can respond in a manner that acknowledges their thoughts, feelings or concerns.

When candor is communicated with empathy and caring and not the prideful arrogance of an over inflated ego good things begin to happen. Empathetic communicators display a level of authenticity and transparency that is not present with those who choose to communicate behind the carefully crafted facade propped-up by a very fragile ego. Understanding this communication principle is what helps turn anger into respect and doubt into trust.

So this leads me to a question that I am sometimes asked: "Can you teach someone to be empathetic?" We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity.

Here are a few practical tips you might consider to help you do this:

Smile at people.

Use people's name. Also remember the names of people's spouse and children so that you can refer to them by name.

Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and genuine curiosity about their lives. Ask questions about their hobbies, their challenges, their families, their aspirations.

Listen – truly listen to people. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others' body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.

Don't interrupt people. Don't dismiss their concerns offhand. Don't rush to give advice. Don't change the subject. Allow people their moment.

Be fully present when you are with people. Don't check your email, look at your watch or take phone calls when a direct report drops into your office to talk to you. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if your boss did that to you?

Tune in to non-verbal communication. This is the way that people often communicate what they think or feel, even when their verbal communication says something quite different.

Practice the "93% rule". When communicating about feelings and attitudes,  words – the things we say – account for only 7% of the total message that people receive. The other 93% of the message that we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of voice and body language. It's important, then, to spend some time to understand how we come across when we communicate with others about our feelings and attitudes.

Encourage people, particularly the quiet ones, when they speak up in meetings. A simple thing like an attentive nod can boost people's confidence.

Give genuine recognition and praise. Pay attention to what people are doing and catch them doing the right things. When you give praise, spend a little effort to make your genuine words memorable: "You are an asset to this team because... "; "This was pure genius"; "I would have missed this if you hadn't picked it up."

Empathy is an emotional and thinking muscle that becomes stronger the more we use it. Try some of these suggestions and watch the reactions of those you work with. I believe you will notice some positive results.

Years ago, I had come across a saying that went something like this: the measure of a man [or woman], is how they treat someone who is of absolutely no use to them. Empathy should not be selective: It should be a daily habit. If I were to create a bumper sticker, I would say: Empathy: Don't Leave Home Without It!

When you “feel into” another person, you are using a part of your brain not typically used in business. There are three levels of your brain and each perceives differently. The lower level reptile brain, which is seldom used in business today, perceives thru subtle, instinctive vibes. To feel into another person, project your awareness to the other person, envision moving down in your brain toward your instinctive senses, and notice the way your body feels.

This is where knowledge of how your own emotions feel in your body really pays off, because you will feel the other people’s emotions the same way you feel your own. When the other person is feeling empowered and confident, you may feel energy rising in your body, perhaps warmness around your chest. If, on the other hand, you feel your energy drop or tighten, the other person is likely tense, worried, feeling overwhelmed, or holding something back. You can feel the steady waves of harmonious people and the adrenaline of people who are afraid or operating from their ego.

This technique works in person, by phone or even email, as long as you feel a connection to the other person and can project your awareness to them. While you are learning this technique it’s important to keep in mind to always verify with the person that you have accurately detected what they are feeling.

Quantum Physics of Belief – Emotions (continued)

In my previous article, I discussed how one can read other people’s emotions, and why positive emotional states foster business success. When people are in a positive emotional state, their cognitive ability is significantly enhanced and their ability to be creative is elevated. As leaders, we can learn to monitor the emotions of our employees and teams.

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” ~ Aristotle

Aristotle was a student of Plato, and his primary disagreement with his teacher was his respect for emotions. Unlike Plato, he realized that rationality wasn’t always in conflict with emotion. Instead, Aristotle argued that one of the critical functions of the rational soul was to make sure that emotions were intelligently applied to the real world.

Yet, we continually discount emotions when we weigh data, correlate statistics and use results from customer surveys and focus groups. Many companies rely on surveys and focus groups to make product and marketing decisions. Without careful consideration of context, they may miss making the best decisions.

The problems of focus groups are well known. It’s why some television shows don’t make it to the networks. Seinfeld tested poorly, as did The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Hill Street Blues.

Focus groups are a crude instrument to measure audience responses because people express their feelings, but they don’t explain them. Data is recorded based on impulsive feelings with all the usual flaws of the emotional brain.

Executives have to sort through the data and make qualitative decisions using contextual information. You can’t rely on emotional data and obey it blindly.

Sorting data and making sense of it is what the prefrontal cortex does well. The audience in a focus group is like our emotional brain, constantly sending out visceral signals about its likes and dislikes. The prefrontal cortex, also called the executive brain, is like a smart TV network executive, patiently monitoring emotional reactions and deciding which to take seriously.

Rationality can work to save us from impulse decisions based on negative feelings that aren’t justified. But relying exclusively on rational thought can easily backfire. When the rational brain takes over, people tend to make all sorts of decision-making mistakes. As rewarding as a strong analytical mind can be, it is a detriment if we become conditioned to always keeping our awareness in that realm.

People ignore the wisdom of their emotions, and start basing their arguments on things they can explain rationally, like survey data (without considering that customers respond to them emotionally.) One of the problems is that even when our feelings are accurate, they can be hard to articulate. So instead of going with an argument that feels best, we go with one that sounds reasonable.

I remember when Subaru launched their “Love” campaign several years ago. It highlighted the love that drivers feel for their cars, and a Washington Times article was quick to berate them for mentioning love as a reason for buying a car. According to the article, love is an irrational emotion that has no place in the realm of purchasing decisions or anywhere in business. It’s a common belief that the emotion of love should be barred from business, yet this is highly ironic because love is the one ingredient that can help businesses generate the highest prosperity.

Emotions profoundly impact the rhythmic beating of our heart and the signals it transmits to our brain. These signals cause measurable changes in our brain’s ability to think and process information. When our emotions are positive, emanating from the heart, we are in a state of coherence, where the electrical patterns of the brain synchronize with the rhythmic patterns of the heart. In this state, our brain functions at peak levels.

When we experience positive, heartfelt emotions, such as compassion, appreciation and gratitude, our mind becomes far more sharp and clear. Our cortical function is enhanced and we are able to see possibilities where previously we could perceive only dead-endings. We are able to rapidly recall information committed to memory and mentally sift through large amounts of data, finding the most relevant facts and making the best decisions. New understandings about the market place and the organization are quicker to emerge, and we are more adaptive to change. When businesses consistently foster positive, heartfelt emotions in their organization, the performance of their employees skyrocket and enhanced creativity leads to greater innovations.

A recent IBM survey of over 1500 global CEO’s concludes that creativity, adaptability, and the mental aptitude to process growing volumes of data, are the qualities that organizations need to succeed into the future. As the business world becomes increasingly complex and fast-paced, employees are increasingly challenged to find local, instant solutions that work. The capacity to thrive in these environments is engendered by positive, heart-based emotions.

In contrast, when our emotions are negative, such as fear, anger, worry, and anxiety, we severely limit learning, memory, cognition, and problem-solving. This causes decreased productivity, poor or short-sighted decisions, difficulty finding the right words and remembering key facts, a slowed reaction speed, and the feeling of being overwhelmed. People and organizations in this state simply can’t compete effectively.

Many corporate environments are riddled with anxiety, sometimes even by design, as many leaders believe that employees work harder when motivated by fear. But as a leader, don’t let conventional thinking convince you that having heart in business is irrational or a sign of weakness. Leaders maximize prosperity not by aggravating people into doing more, but rather by nurturing their emotional health. This is the key to the organization’s long-term viability. Among other methods, you can help people feel positive, heartfelt emotions by controlling your own emotions, defining a purpose that resonates, trusting people, and creating more collaborative environments.

Watch this short video on emotions.

Quantum Physics of Belief – Positive Emotional States

Since the beginning of January 2012, I was writing about quantum physics and business research to explore the correlation between the science of consciousness and patterns in the business world, to suggest innovative ways of using this wisdom to lead and succeed in a business environment that is constantly evolving at a rapid pace. Neurobiology is telling us we can read other people’s emotions, and we know that positive emotional states foster business success. When people are in a positive emotional state, their cognitive ability is significantly enhanced and their ability to be creative is elevated. As leaders, we can learn to monitor the emotions of our employees and teams, but it requires that we literally get out of our heads and into our bodies.

Especially with the Information Age, our heads are often buzzing while we try to keep up with all of the information coming at us. In business we are usually consumed with analysis and reasoning. As rewarding as a strong analytical mind can be, it can also be a detriment if we become conditioned to always keeping our awareness in that realm. Our nervous system extends through our entire body, and we need to become familiar with all of it in order to use it as a receptor to other people’s emotions. Therefore, we have some learning to do.

You can expand your sensitivity to emotion by paying attention to the sensations in your body when you experience particular emotional states. Pay attention to all parts of your body, becoming aware of how they feel. This is part of listening to your body; one of the six step process that I outlined in my earlier article on Insightful Instincts. Our bodies love to receive the attention that they need. Does the temperature in areas of your body change as your emotions change? Is the quality of energy different, sometimes tingling and sometimes throbbing? Is there a particular heaviness or lightness in your body? It is important to realize that the way emotions feel is specific to an individual. For example, when I feel frustrated or overwhelmed, my hands throb and feel tired and heavy, as if I am carrying a heavy load. Other people will not feel frustration and angst in the same manner.

To use this ability in a business setting, there are particular emotions that are useful to know in ourselves.

It can be extremely useful to determine if people are feeling valued and appreciated. How does your body feel when you believe you are a valued member of a team? Perhaps your body feels light and you feel warmness in your upper torso. In contrast, what sensations do you get in your body when you feel ignored or disrespected by your co-workers or boss? Become aware of these feelings in your teams.

You want employees and co-workers to feel compelled and inspired to achieve the goals of the company. How does your body feel when you are working towards a mission that is meaningful to you? Perhaps you get a strong expansion of energy around your heart and head. In contrast, what sensations do you get when you are apathetic about achieving the goals of your company or feel that there is no compelling vision? Knowing how these emotions feel in your body gives you a baseline for determining how much passion your employees and coworkers feel.

Sometimes teams need an injection of optimism or help solving a problem. What sensations do you get when you feel that failure is imminent or you are facing a serious problem?  Perhaps your energy drops and your feet feel leaden or there is a burning in the pit of your stomach. Determine if these emotions are present in your employees, so you know who needs help.

Your own experiences in everyday business life likely give you the opportunity to feel some of these emotions and become familiar with them in your body. In addition, you can learn to feel them by thinking about a time in the past when you were faced with conditions that caused these emotions. Recall the details of scenarios, conjuring up all the emotion. And of course, pay attention to the details of how your body feels.

Controlling Your Emotions

It is clear that no one wants to control their emotions in such a way that it would make them all disappear—including the good or positive emotions. After all, what fun would there be to live a life without joy, without enthusiasm?

The good news is this control can be selective, just like the products that kill stubborn weeds in your kitchen garden while leaving the carrots intact. As a matter of fact, not only do carrots grow best when they are not cluttered by weeds, but so it is with human emotions.

Now, you will most probably admit that it is difficult—if not impossible—to feel joyful while being anxious or depressed at the same time. The control of your negative emotions is usually sufficient in itself to allow positive emotions to blossom.

However, to control a phenomenon, it is usually essential to know the cause. For most human beings, the cause of their emotions is found in some event of their distant or recent past, present, or future. And so we can often hear them say:

• "This good news made me happy."
• "My son's failures depress me."
• "The death of my mother saddens me."
• "My daughter's rudeness makes me angry."
• "Heights scare me."

Every time, the person identifies the event (good news, failure, death, rudeness, and heights) as the cause of a particular emotion (joy, depression, sadness, anger, and anxiety). Almost everyone will find that this theory is fully satisfactory and realistic. This is probably what you believe as well.

And yet not only is this theory one of the most pernicious errors we can imagine, but a moment of reflection will suffice to prove that no event—whether past, present, or future—never causes the shadow of an emotion to anyone.

The real cause of human emotions can be found in the thoughts, beliefs, ideas, personal reflections, interpretations, opinions... in short, in the way we talk to ourselves about an event—whether past, present, or future. In other words, our emotions—positive or negative, good or bad—are never caused by an event.

Your happiness and emotional wellness mainly depend on the fact that you know, understand, and accept the true cause of your emotions—whether positive or negative, good or bad.

As a matter of fact, I believe that it is the cornerstone of the entire system by which you can learn to modify your own emotions and thus raise your level of happiness and improve the quality of your life.

Thoughts and Beliefs

Let’s continue to explore how your thoughts and beliefs cause your emotions. This time, however, our discussion will be specifically focused on your beliefs.

You and I believe many things. To believe is to hold true something for which we don’t have any proof. If there is any evidence of the truth of something, we won’t say that we believe, but that we know. For example:

• You know that Planet Earth is round, but you believe that the coffee you drank this morning will not cause you any harm.
• You know that you have eaten a tuna fish sandwich for lunch, but you believe that your favorite sport team will win the game tonight.
• You know that it rained heavily today, but you believe that tomorrow will be a bright sunshiny day.

Our beliefs are thus forms of unproven ideas that may have a presence in our minds without us being really aware of it. Moreover, many of these beliefs can cause powerful emotions resulting in acts or omissions potentially harmful to us.

In other words, not only can some of our beliefs have devastating emotional effects, but they can either lead us to perform acts that are diametrically opposite to our true interests, or conversely, cause us to omit other actions in an equally harmful way.

In consequence, it is of paramount importance for us to pay attention to the beliefs we choose for ourselves and to be careful not to let ourselves be overwhelmed by a whole heap of unproven thoughts and ideas which, if they are often harmless, can unfortunately be, in other cases, considerably hurtful.

To sum up what I have stressed so far: Our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs about the various events, people, and things that life brings to us are the true cause of our emotions—positive or negative, good or bad. It also goes without saying that events, people, and things never cause us the shadow of an emotion. Therefore, we can also conclude that the change of our cognitive content—thoughts, ideas, beliefs—will cause the change of our emotions.

Quantum Physics of Belief – Thought Energy Manifesting into Events

In the past few weeks, I was writing on how scientific and business research shows that human thoughts and beliefs have an effect on the physical world, with no intermediary action. In other words, thoughts and beliefs directly impact the unfolding of events. There seems to be some confusion among some readers who have asked for clarification on how this occurs. Let me share an overview of what my research is revealing here.

In running a business, even if the business model is well designed and perfectly suited for the market, we would all recognize that success and high profitability are not guaranteed. We realize that there are many elements we can’t completely control, such as the capabilities of the competition, the decisions that customers will make, and the countless choices made by employees each day. It would be impossible for a business to design these elements in a manner that would guarantee success.

My experience tells me that chance is not as random as we believe, and the way to reduce the uncertainty in business is through shaping the beliefs and intentions, or thought energy, of the business organization. When a business organization has a particular, positive thought energy, events are more likely to occur in a manner that is fortuitous for the business. This doesn’t mean that action is not required, because it definitely is. It simply means that the elements that can’t be controlled through action tend to unfold more frequently in favor of the business.

I don’t think it would be possible for anyone to ‘prove’ that an organization’s thought energy directly impacts how events unfold. The important thing to note is that we never even try to architect the unfolding of such events. These kinds of things happen consistently in businesses, which had very positive thought energy.

Did you see the movie Apollo 13? Do you remember Tom Hanks, Ed Harris and Ron Howard who directed the movie from 1995? It was a true story of how NASA got the crippled Apollo 13 space craft back to earth after the oxygen/power supply failed half way through the flight mission. It was a testament to the teamwork, leadership, problem solving and human synergistics.

In that movie, I distinctly remember the Flight Director Eugene Kranz (played by Ed Harris) saying two powerful things: “Failure is NOT anOption.” And “I will not allow that [negative] thought to exist in this space” (even if it was only a thought by a crew member!)

Kranz knew either consciously or subconsciously the power of thought; The power of, how we frame an event and how the framing of the event has a massive impact on the outcome of that event; That a thought in an environment has real power… real impact; Even if it is not verbalized.

Napoleon Hill in his book ‘Think and Grow Rich’ wrote, ‘Thoughts are Real Forces’; as have many other gurus and teachers of metaphysics for hundreds of years. I am quoting scenes from Apollo 13 movie into this blog to illustrate the power of managing group thought and group energy. The words are really about ‘integrity of thought’ or ‘aligned thought’. Kranz had every brain in that NASA teamed, aligned and focused; pushed almost to the limits of human creativity and ingenuity, all focused on getting those 3 astronauts back alive.

What negative thoughts are there in your business you need to clear out?

What plans are all your brains aligned on with the laser like focus of the NASA Apollo 13 mission?

Take a look at the movie clips and ask how you can use that energy and focus in your business.

The economic space and the economic environment we are in right now will either swallow you up or be a time of massive opportunity for all of us.

Harness the thought, energy and focus to make it a massive opportunity.

Failure is NOT an option.

Quantum Physics of Belief - Keys to Sustainable Success

Last week, I started writing about using quantum physics and business research to explore the correlation between the science of consciousness and patterns in the business world, to develop theories about the effects of Universal consciousness. In that article, we explored how our experiences are formed based on what we believe about the world.

In most businesses these days, the leaders are trying to make significant improvements in order to move to the next level of success. Most leaders believe the way to accomplish this is by changing the business at the level of action, or form.  What that means is that the business leaders engage in process improvement, cost cutting and pricing optimization; to name just a few examples. Or they try to get employees more motivated so they’ll work harder. They are trying to drive success through action.

What is wrong with that, you might ask? Depends on one’s perspective; it might work in some cases. But, I believe that a successful turnaround will never result from action alone. As I have discovered through science, changing the success of a business, or any organization, must start with changing the consciousness of the people in the organization. Let’s look at the science behind one of these elements of consciousness: beliefs.

First, let’s consider the nature of matter. As I learned physics thru my graduate studies, I have found that Einstein’s special theory of relativity, E=MC², is key. Like many of you, I have known of this equation for years, but I never fully considered its profound implications. Literally it means that all matter is a form of energy, not a substance. The fact that matter is fundamentally energy means that objects are not static, but rather are dynamic and changeable. Furthermore, experimentation at the sub-atomic level has revealed that human beliefs influence how matter manifests. See my earlier article on the physics of belief for a detailed description of the classic Double Slit experiment and its implications.

We conventionally believe that the physical world operates objectively and is not influenced by us unless we take some physical action. We think our beliefs are formed based on how we experience the world. This scientific research tells us quite the opposite: our experience is formed based on what we believe about the world. We can use this knowledge to increase the likelihood that matter, and therefore events (which are interactions of matter) will unfold more frequently in the form that we prefer. That was what we discussed last week and now let’s see what it means in terms of practical implications.

The implications of the science are that trying to change business outcomes by changing physical action will never get us the results we desire. No matter how good we get at optimizing processes, motivating employees or pricing our products, these things will never be sufficient to achieve the outcome we desire. We must first shape the beliefs, or consciousness, of our business. It’s only when your business has a winning consciousness that events will unfold in the form of success.

So, if your business doesn’t have a recent history of success, how do you get people to believe it is successful? An obvious answer is to show that success of the business is imminent. Research shows that a message about a positive future will become strong belief when it contains certain elements.

First, the message must capture peoples’ attention and evoke their intentions.  People are inundated with data and input of all kinds, so it takes something special to get their attention. Blanketing people with more information, statistics and facts will not get their attention and influence their beliefs. Their emotions must be stimulated. In an earlier article, I discussed about a research showing that intentions do not always lead to behavior change in obtaining the desired results. This gap between what people intend to do and their behavior has been called the “intention-behavior gap” – where it was identified that emotion is the missing link in modifying behavior.

Secondly, those emotions have to be positive. Negative emotions, such as those rooted in fear, will just cause association with other negative thoughts and will never lead to positive beliefs about business success. Emotions are most easily evoked through images conjured up through vivid story telling. People think in terms of stories filled with images and feelings, so that’s the best way to influence the mind. Also, everyone has some degree of ‘show me’ in them, so they need some supporting evidence for the story through a real-life example that is credible.

Finally, people will only feel compelled to buy into a story when they see that it includes them, so they need to be shown how they are part of it.

Business research proves the power of organizational consciousness. We all accept the fact that a strong business culture is a pre-requisite for success. What we don’t understand is that there are elements of culture that influence matter itself, without the intermediary of action.  When a business has a winning culture, customers are naturally drawn to it, employees will increasingly make the right decisions, and proper solutions arise when needed.

Businesses that lack strong beliefs in success are energetically dead and will simply not make it in the long run. You will never be able to shift a business into success through action alone. We must first shape the beliefs, or consciousness, of our business. Positive beliefs coupled with strong emotions then stimulate the positive behavior change leading to sustainable business success practices. Business research confirms this and science provides the foundation.