Grateful for what you already have

Gratefulness is the lifeblood of soul consciousness and the only antidote for the self-inflicted poison of self pity, resentment and unworthiness. Life is meant to be celebrated ~ and it is when we become grateful for what we already do have versus resentful for what we don't have.

These are difficult times in the world and it's impossible at times to see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of the worldwide economic depression, the gulf oil disaster and the violent shootings in Arizona and elsewhere. It's easy to get out of the moment and into the future in terms of impending personal financial doom or worldwide doom for that matter.

Fear can obliterate all hope and reason ~ and love and gratitude can be easily smothered in the process under a blanket of unworthiness, resentment and self pity.

That's why Gratitude is so important, as it brings us back to what is essentially important ~ ourselves, our loved ones and our unique worthiness as human beings ~ because the people we are most grateful to are usually people who have loved us.

When we start celebrating these gifts from a place of true gratitude ~ we begin to transcend fear and, as such, open the door to new possibilities and direction. We are then no longer paralyzed by self pity, resentment and unworthiness and are open to the guiding light at the end of the tunnel ~ love, joy.

Please join me on Monday Jan 31, 2011 for a Roundtable discussion on the power of gratitude with other like minded individuals.

Now enjoy this short video clip on The Power of Gratitude

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jF6u4GJQ-U

Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them

To forgive is not to forget. Forgetting is not hard. All you need is a bad memory or to treat the incident as insignificant. But to forgive is to make a new beginning, to start all over again with the person who caused you pain. It does not take away the hurt nor does it erase the past injury. It merely ceases to obstruct the path of a new beginning. To forgive you don't have to aggravate the guilt and squeeze the soul of the person. By forgiving you can walk together into the future.

In the Bhagavad Geetha (chapter 12), Lord Krishna describes 35 qualities of a devotee; one of them is a forgiving nature. Learn to forgive. Having forgiven another, what really happens?

The rancor, the anger within, which was eating the vitals, is automatically washed and cleaned. It purifies the system. You become 24-carat gold, soft, yet solid and shining. Mark Twain captures this quality when he writes: "Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them."

Epictetus said more than 2,000 years ago: "It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it. Your hurts comes from not what others did to you, but from what you choose to do with their actions. If you change your attitude about the hurt, you will soon find your victim status eliminated."

Here is a short video clip: The Gift of Forgiveness  Enjoy!

The Wisdom of Feelings

Have you ever had a dream like this? SOMETHING IS CHASING YOU. It's terrifying. You run from it. You would do anything to make it go away. All you know is this is some unnamed, unknown beast.

In a dream like that it feels logical that the beast is something outside of us, something out to get us.

Imagine for a moment that you turn and face it, asking,”Who are you? What is this all about?” Could you do that? What if I told you the beast is something you created, and it’s not outside of you, IT IS YOU!

Well, it’s true and here is how it happens…

Imagine someone takes in a cute baby Bear as a pet. It is adorable and fuzzy - at first. It delights and entertains them. But as it begins to grow and its wild nature expresses itself, they punish it. They put it in a cage and poke it with a sharp stick to try to keep it under control. And the more they abuse it, the wilder it gets – until it is a ferocious beast.

What we do with our most turbulent emotions is not much different than the story of the wild Bear. We wish we didn’t have some of the emotions that we do have. We don’t want them and would do anything to avoid them, or god forbid, let others see them. So, some of our most secret agreements with ourselves are designed to protect us from emotional pain by creating a cage to keep things under control. Our judgment of our “bad” emotions becomes the sharp stick we unmercifully punish ourselves with inside a prison of our own making.

One bad emotion that we are told to never let anyone see is anger. Often when small children don’t get what they want, they express their disappointment by crying and acting out. This is sometimes uncomfortable for the adults around them and they try to control the behavior of their children.

One of my clients, Angie, said that her mother’s mantra when she was growing up was: “It’s not nice to be angry”, and “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Hearing this repeatedly, coupled with a few good whacks on the rear-end for any outburst, Angie decided that sullen silence and letting them guess what was wrong with her was a better choice than rage.

When Angie got married she was determined to create the family she dreamed of - a group of people around her that loved her no matter what. But as time went on her marriage was a disappointment. She felt her husband should know what she wanted without her having to tell him all the time.

He couldn’t figure her out and began spending more and more time away from home. He didn’t take care of her emotional needs. Her frustration often resulted in her flying off the handle at her children at the slightest provocation.

Angie was ashamed of her behavior. Her outbursts at her children felt horrible. She didn’t want anyone to know about it and she couldn’t understand why she felt so out of control. She dreaded sleeping because her dreams were often filled with monsters in her house that she could not get away from.

After a few of my coaching sessions with helping Angie on her Self Awareness, she realized that the constant suppression of her desire and not asking for what she wanted created resentment. (Please note that I am not a professional Psychologist and it was all Angie’s own self discovery partly guided by the coaching process.) This resentment built up into a seething rage, under wraps most of the time but never-the-less, dangerously close to the surface.

Ignoring it, sulking, punishing her children and then punishing herself only fuelled the fire below. It was expressing itself with her children and it kept her husband emotionally distanced.

When I first met Angie she wasn’t even aware she was angry. In fact, she often parroted the same phrases her mother used -“It’s not nice to be angry”, and “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But her nightmares were getting worse, as well as her relationship with her husband. Her rage was the beast she couldn’t face, ‘the angry Bear in the cage’. She was sure if she opened the door to that cage the beast would surely devour her.

So how do we tame the beast? The secret is in the story of Beauty and the Beast. In that tale, Beauty is at first afraid of the Beast. But, then she courageously faces the Beast without judgment about who he is. She makes the effort to get to know him. As time goes on she discovers respect and love for that which she previously thought to be so hideous. And with her love and persistence, the Beast is magically transformed into a handsome prince.

We can do the same thing with our wild emotions that we label as the beasts in the dungeon, monsters in the closet. The truth is they are crying out for us to notice them.

Our emotions are simply intuition translated into physical feelings that are full of good information about what is happening in the moment. But, over time, we interpret what happened and our beliefs, and the agreements that arise from those beliefs, are often filled with turbulent emotions that have no relevance in this moment.

Our emotions deserve our honor and respect. Let them speak and they will open the channel for change. It is easy to love the good things about ourselves, but real transformation is possible when we begin loving ourselves exactly the way we are. Pamper, cuddle, adore and take care of the beast within. Honor and respect it and let it tell you its story, then see what happens. Imagine a 400-pound Bear as an ally! Powerful, isn’t it?

Strategies for planning a Year of Achievement and Success

Last week I was interviewed by Brad Simkins on his Blog Radio Talk Show. As we enter a New Year, I thought the topic is an appropriate choice to focus upon. So, here is a link to that recording.

Success comes to those people who can manage their time according to their priorities. It is due to the fact that they can finish doing important tasks at a certain period of time without rushing things and without becoming reckless. Thus, coming up with remarkable results is no surprise to them. Time is one of those things that you can never get back. Everyone starts the day with the same amount of time. We all measure time in the same way - minutes, hours, days, weeks and so on. Yet, some people seem to "spin their wheels" while others gain the traction required to accomplish their goals. Many of us set goals at the beginning of a New Year, at our annual performance reviews, or when something major happens, and we want to assess where we are and where we want to go. Yet sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we grind to a halt with these goals. Before we realize it, weeks and months have gone by - and we still haven't achieved the results we wanted. Why is this? After all, we all have the best intentions and the timing (New Year, new start) couldn't be better. The problem may lie in the fact that we place a huge amount of pressure on ourselves. With all the hype and the pressure, it's easy to fail. Learn instead how to set yourself up for success, during this interview. Use the approach that you will learn in this interview, to turn your vision and dreams into reality. And you can give yourself the best chance of successfully achieving your goals and your dreams!

Once again, you can click here to listen to this recording.

Click here to launch and listen to this MP3 recording of the interview

I'd love to hear your thoughts and would be glad to answer any questions that you may have. Namaste!

Happy New You in 2011

Life is a blackboard upon which we consciously or unconsciously write those messages which govern us. We hold the chalk and the eraser in our hand but are ignorant of this fact. What we now experience we need not continue to experience but the hand which holds the erasure must do its neutralizing work. ~ Ernest Holmes

 

As you enter into the New Year, I invite you to ask yourself this question: What’s new about me in 2011? If you are like many people you may look in the mirror and say… “There is nothing new that I can see; same old face… same old hands…same old body...same old aches and pains…same old relationships…same old job. Essentially, I see the same old me.”

I propose it doesn’t have to be that way because change is always constant - we just aren’t aware of it. Even down to the molecular level, change is continually happening. However, if the belief system that creates the template into which life’s energy flows is the “same old” mold as it was last year, life has no alternative but to give us a replay of last year. This is true at the level of the physical body as well as the body of our emotions and relationships. Life is energy seeking a place to happen. You are the conduit through which it happens. Energy is not choosing “how” it manifests in your life - you make that choice. I believe that’s what Holmes was saying - we hold the power to change our future by understanding that while we can’t change the past; we can choose not to recreate it by dragging it into the future. Recently, I heard someone saying aloud, “The future isn’t what it used to be.” The reality is the future will exactly be how it used to be until we learn to consciously pick up the eraser and the chalk.

We have the ability to inscribe something new on the blackboard of life in 2011. Metaphorically, we hold the chalk and the eraser because we have freewill and the ability to choose again. Sadly, however, most people are unaware of the amazing creative power they wield when they couple their intentional thoughts and deepest beliefs with a universal law that says, “It’s done unto you as you believe.” This is why I don’t play the New Year resolution game because it’s dealing in willpower, which is working at the level of effect (from the outside-in) rather than cause (from the inside-out). Essentially, willpower won’t sustain us for the long haul because it’s being held in place only by the conscious mind and that part of the mind tends to get distracted, bored, tired and restless, and then it’s off in some other direction which is generally counterproductive to our deepest desires. We have to go beyond the conscious mind and work at the level of our most deeply held beliefs about the way things “are” and the way they can be.

So, where do we start? How do we embrace what it means to be able to redesign 2011 by inscribing something new and improved on the blackboard of life? We have to be willing to go where we have not gone before, to move beyond the old mindset. What better time than right now? While this exercise could be done on a computer, I recommend doing it with paper and pencil to provide a more visceral/tactile experience. Using a pencil with an eraser, draw a vertical line down the middle of a piece of paper. On the left side of the paper write down the experiences you have had in the past year that you would like not to recreate again in 2011. On the right side of the paper, adjacent to each of those statements, write down what you would like to see as your reality in the next twelve months. Each time you write down a new awareness in the right column, erase one in the left column you wish to release. With each erasure feel the “lightness of being” that comes with the knowing you don’t have to recreate the same experience next year. Spend as much time as possible lightly holding the new view of your life and try to embody the feelings you will have when you arrive at that vision. For now don’t concern yourself with how this will happen. Once you are clear on the what, the universe will guide you in the actions required to manifest the how. Realize that in this process you have just taken hold of the chalk and the eraser. You hold the power.

Happy New You!

We are what we repeatedly do

At the last week’s Time Strategies webinar, I made a recommendation to define your values, purpose, and goals in order to achieve what you need to accomplish in the time that you have in a given day.

There are relationship, career, personal interest, family and social demands… all screaming for attention in our lives. Each of us has the same amount of time available to us as we begin a new day. Twenty four hours to use or abuse as we see fit. There never seems to be enough.

Sometimes we accomplish a great deal, and time just seems to fly by when we notice the lateness of the hour. When we work at challenging and stimulating projects directly related to our goals, our achievement level skyrockets and time flies.

On other days, everything seems to be going in slow motion. When we are bored or doing something we don’t like, time drags and our productivity and our level of accomplishment drops. When we feel under the gun or out of control, time seems to go too fast. We feel out of control, stressed, unable to get done what we need to accomplish in the time allotted, and are continually behind schedule.

The quantity of time doesn’t really change. Only our perception changes and our perception is our reality. Since we cannot increase or manufacture more time, we must get more out of the time we have.

If most of us know how to manage our time and if we realize the value of becoming more effective at managing our time, why don’t we do a better job of it? We all know what we should do. Why don’t we just do it? For most of us, what is easy to say is more difficult to do. So what’s the solution? We must first look at the key factors that influence our behavior.

The first step in changing any habit is to identify the habit you want to change. Therefore, in order to change your time management habits, you must evaluate your present use of time by analyzing your attitudes and behavior in relation to outcomes. An accurate time analysis will help you to pinpoint who and what occupies your time. Look for time wasters and peak performance periods. Pinpoint precise behaviors that are incompatible with your goals.

Define the new habit that you wish to develop and be as specific as possible. Negative habits in our lives are destructive. Positive habits are uplifting and they help us achieve our goals. In order to build better habits, we must define precise behaviors for change and perform them at specific times. As Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit.”

You will get more out of your time when you learn how to get more out of your life. After you determine what you want, what you value, what you believe, and where your priorities lie, determining how to spend a given day or hour becomes easy. In order to get more out of your time, know what you want and what you want to get out of it. That seems very simple and most people overlook the real purpose of their lives. They fail to define their values, purpose, and goals. They become so immersed in their daily activities that they fail to think about what they really like to do.

That brings us back to the webinar’s recommendation as to why it is so critical to define your values, purpose, and goals in order to achieve what you need to accomplish in the time that you have in a given day.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this...

Beat the Time Bandits

We all have time bandits at work and at home. These are the people and things that block us from reaching our goals and getting through our daily To-Do lists.

The usual suspects are in our lineup:

Low-To-No-Control Gang

The Low-To-No-Control Gang harbors time bandits that are outside our span of control, unless we make profound changes to the world we live and work in. At work, these miscreants might include inefficient and redundant procedures, unclear priorities, too many low-priority tasks, outdated and slow equipment, too much paperwork and red tape, too many special projects, and so on.

What can we do when cornered by members of the Low-To-No-Control Gang?

We can learn, look for alternatives and shortcuts, and deal with them as effectively and efficiently as possible. At work, our senior leaders should constantly work to reduce or eliminate the time bandits that are out of our control. Our job is to adapt to things we can’t control, and remove the time bandits that are directly and indirectly in our control.

Direct-Control Gang

The Direct-Control Gang exists inside our own hearts and heads. We have direct control over our own behavior, and we can be as big a time bandit to ourselves as anyone or anything else, although it might be harder for some of us to admit. Some of the gang members include procrastination, low assertiveness, low self-discipline, low motivation, poor listening, disorganization, trying to do too much, doing unimportant things, doing things wrong the first time, and so on.

Indirect-Control Gang

The Indirect-Control Gang is made up of all the people in our lives: coworkers, bosses, friends, family, acquaintances, and passersby. People are born to steal our day, just like puppies are born to chew up our favorite shoes. But whose fault is it?

It’s our fault, in both cases. We shouldn’t leave our shoes out because we know how puppies are. We can blame the puppy, yell at the puppy, chase the puppy around with a rolled up newspaper, but it’s ultimately our fault. And if other people chew up our day, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Here is our Top 5 list for how to fend off the time bandits in the Indirect-Control Gang:

1)     Don’t be a bandit yourself

Just as you don’t want others to ‘bandit’ you, you should always be aware of your own ‘bandit’ potential. If you are true to your own self-leadership goals, this will come naturally, because you will be committed to not wasting your time or anyone else’s.

2)     Communicate what’s important

To effectively lead yourself and others, you need to have clear priorities and clue people in to what they are. It’s easier to communicate your need to stay on task when people buy in to your cause and understand the significant demands of your effort.

For example, our bosses are notorious time bandits. Why? Because their bosses are also notorious time bandits to them. There are things to meet about, special projects that need people, and special functions to attend. The world isn’t perfect, and we all have things to do we don’t necessarily want to do or that don’t fit into our definition of ‘important.’ Can we say, ‘No, I’m not going to attend that meeting,’ or ‘No, I won’t do that special project’? Not usually. If you have issues with the type of tasks you are asked to do at work, or conflicting priorities that impact your performance, you should feel comfortable discussing them.

3)     Coach and delegate

You coach people when you move them from reliance on you to reliance on themselves. Instruct and encourage people to be effective self-leaders and they will draw less and less on your time. The time you invest now will serve you well down the road when you can delegate tasks to highly capable people who don’t need you looking over their shoulder.

4)     Expect respect

Living your purpose and achieving your top goals are important to you and the people around you. At work, acknowledge the importance of your purpose and expect bosses and coworkers to respect that purpose. You don’t have to be a killjoy to establish your expectation that people respect (if not value) your time as much as you.

If people do not respect your time — if they invite you to meetings that they didn’t prepare for, send you e-mails that don’t have a clear connection to you, stop by without a clear purpose — you have three choices: (1) let them steal your day, (2) get rid of them as best you can, (3) coach them on what you expect from your business interactions.

5)     Scan for the good stuff

We are constantly bombarded with information, new technology, and profound changes to how we view and function in the world. In fact, a conservative estimate by researchers suggests that business information is doubling every three years. To make sense of everything coming at us, we have to be selective about what gets our attention.

For example, we can be buried by e-mails, although they can be important and effective when used correctly. Here are some scanning-for-good-stuff tips for your e-mails and other communications you receive:

Let people know that you are overwhelmed with information and that you tend to block out messages that aren’t concise, simple, or clearly relevant to you. Tell them that they can expect the same courtesy from you.

Consider reading and responding to emails only at designated times during the day, such as at the beginning of the day, before lunch, and again before you leave work.

Consider using the ‘10-minute rule’ to work through easy e-mails; get the small and simple stuff out of the way in one 10-minute sitting rather than putting them off and allowing them to build up until you have a large, time-consuming chore ahead of you.

Consider creating an ‘Additional Action’ folder to separate important e-mails that you need to revisit later when you have more time.

Finally, try to handle an e-mail only once (or as few times as possible). Once you read it, take action. Dump it, respond to it, print it, forward it, whatever, and then move on.

To beat the time bandits that steal our day, we must recognize who and what they are and take the lead in putting them away.

"Learn to use ten minutes intelligently. It will pay you huge dividends." --William A. Irwin

PS:

Magic trick illustrating why using little pieces of paper as a planning system is not a good idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxJg1aKef5o&feature=related

Enjoy!