How to Change Things When Change is Hard

Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in our companies, in our communities, in our own lives?

The primary obstacle is a conflict that's built into our brains. Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems - the rational (conscious) mind and the emotional (subconscious) mind - that compete for control. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that Oreo cookie. The rational mind wants to change something at work; the emotional mind loves the comfort of the existing routine. The tension can doom a change effort - but if it is overcome, change can come quickly.

Here is a compelling metaphor to explain the tension between our rational mind and our emotional mind. Visualize a person riding atop a large elephant. They say that our rational side is the Rider and our emotional side is the Elephant. Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reigns and seems to be the leader. But the rider's control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant. Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He's completely overmatched.

If you want to change things, you have got to appeal to both the Rider and the Elephant. The Rider provides the planning and direction and the Elephant provides the energy. So if you reach the Riders of your team but not the Elephants, team members will have understanding without motivation. If you reach the Elephants but not their Riders, they'll have passion without direction. In both cases, the flaws can be paralyzing. A reluctant Elephant and a wheel-spinning Rider can both ensure that nothing changes. But when Elephants and Riders move together, change can come easily.

Here is a basic three-part framework that can guide you in any situation where you need to change behavior. In any change situation you need to:

1. 1.    Direct the Rider. What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity. So provide crystal-clear direction.
2. 2.    Motivate the Elephant. What looks like laziness is often exhaustion. The Rider can't get his way by force for very long. So it's critical that you engage people's emotional side - get their Elephants on the path and cooperative.
3. 3.    Shape the Path. What looks like a people problem is often a situational problem. We call the situation (including the surrounding environment) the "Path." When you shape the Path, you make change more likely, no matter what is happening with the Rider and the Elephant.

I don't promise that making change is easy, but at least it can be made easier. My goal is to teach you a framework, based on decades of scientific research, that is simple enough to remember and flexible enough to use in many different situations - family, work, community and otherwise. To change behavior, you have got to direct the Rider, motivate the Elephant and shape the Path. If you can do all three at once, dramatic change can happen even if you don't have lots of power or resources behind you.

Successful changes follow a pattern, a pattern you can use to make the changes that matter to you, whether your interest is in changing the world or changing your waistline.

A Perception Shattering Moment

How often do we perceive, not what is, but a narrow viewpoint bounded by what we believe?

Several years ago, I remember reading an article in Fast Company (a cutting edge business magazine) about the new face of Al Jazeera, the Arabic news channel. Al Jazeera is the Arabic news channel that has aired video messages from Middle East terrorists, kidnappers and Osama Bin Laden.

Apparently, AJI (Al Jazeera International) gained esteem despite its past offenses. Highly respected journalists are staffing its operations, imported from legitimate news organizations such as the BBC, CNN, NightLine and Associated Press Television. AJI professes a rigorous code of ethics and the loftiest news-gathering goals. "The mission of Al Jazeera International is to provide accurate and impartial news with a global perspective.”

Their mission is clearly attractive to journalists who feel that many news organizations are no longer objective but ruled by advertiser’s dollars reporting, “… from a culturally specific viewpoint that eclipses many important stories and issues.”

Couple of years ago, AJI was in New York City hosting a meeting designed to locate cable distributors and advertisers for its new English language channel. They met with an icy reception. One agency executive that places advertising on cable channels said, "Politically, this is a nightmare. Never in a billion years would I bring this to our clients."

What first came to my mind as I read this was: Why would they ever consider that this could work? Local cable providers, like Comcast, will run, not walk, from AJI. Pepsi will never book time for one of its commercials. What were they thinking?

This perception is distinctly American. When asked a question, dejected after his experience at the New York sales meeting, AJI’s marketing VP simply said, “America is only one country.”

In fact, Al Jazeera English global footprint continues to grow, broadcasting to more than 220 million households in more than 100 countries. There are over one billion English speakers around the world, including some of the fastest-growing economies on the planet. There are hundreds of international companies that most Americans have never heard of, lining up to buy advertising time on AJI.

My reaction at that time was: this is a fruitless, futile attempt. But, when I allowed my perception to shift, ever so slightly, my initial assessment wasn’t even close to being accurate.

The story of AJI illustrates how we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. Life - business, families, economies, and culture - are constantly evolving. Change is always with us, and can be particularly frightening viewed through what we know. Beyond our “perception- shattering moments”, when we are open to what is, we encounter a whole new world full of exciting possibilities far beyond the beliefs that limit us.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them

To forgive is not to forget. Forgetting is not hard. All you need is a bad memory or to treat the incident as insignificant. But to forgive is to make a new beginning, to start all over again with the person who caused you pain. It does not take away the hurt nor does it erase the past injury. It merely ceases to obstruct the path of a new beginning. To forgive you don't have to aggravate the guilt and squeeze the soul of the person. By forgiving you can walk together into the future.

In the Bhagavad Geetha (chapter 12), Lord Krishna describes 35 qualities of a devotee; one of them is a forgiving nature. Learn to forgive. Having forgiven another, what really happens?

The rancor, the anger within, which was eating the vitals, is automatically washed and cleaned. It purifies the system. You become 24-carat gold, soft, yet solid and shining. Mark Twain captures this quality when he writes: "Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them."

Epictetus said more than 2,000 years ago: "It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it. Your hurts comes from not what others did to you, but from what you choose to do with their actions. If you change your attitude about the hurt, you will soon find your victim status eliminated."

Here is a short video clip: The Gift of Forgiveness  Enjoy!

What Do You Need to Change Your Behavior?

We’ve all had those times when we were bad. And not the “I didn’t know so it’s not my fault” kind of bad, but the “fully aware, self-justified” kind of bad.

Why do we do things that we…

• Know are bad for us? For example, eating cheesy puffs.  (I personally deny having a cheesy puff problem. I only eat cheesy puffs socially… most of the time).
• Really don’t want to do? Every time I eat cheesy puffs I realize that they don’t taste good. In fact they remind me of orange colored Styrofoam and yet on occasion I indulge – why?

Why don’t we do things that we know we should be doing?

Not only do we do things that we know we shouldn’t be doing, we avoid things that we know we should be doing. Exercise, for example.

I’d say everybody in the free world knows they should exercise (never mind the exact type) and I’m sure many really mean to (or intend) to exercise, but don’t.

Is it because it takes too much time? Maybe they don’t have the time, but there are way too many people watching reality TV to say there is a shortage of time for the average person.

So what’s the problem?

What do we need to do to change our behavior?

Maybe we need a plan.

One theory, “theory of planned behavior” says that intent (or purpose) is enough to change behavior. In this case, our intention is explicit, which then generates behaviorally oriented decisions. This means we have a set of goals that we intend to reach by acting a certain way. We plan to do something on purpose.

For example: I want to lose 10 pounds in the next two months by following healthy nutritious food habits and exercising 5 hours a week.

I have a goal – check.

I have a plan – check.

I have all the intention I need.

So now I am off to be successful! Right! Right?

While intention is really important, there is another piece to the theory of planned behavior: perceived behavioral control.

Are we in control of our behavior?

The first thing we need is the intent to exercise – with the goal and plan in place.

Then we need to think that we can control our behavior. Once we have our goal and our plan we need to BELIEVE that we can do it.

Psychologists have even put a number on how much perceived behavior control matters in intention: 45% of behavioral variance can be predicted by our belief that we have control.

Whether we actually have control doesn’t matter – assuming we are not locked up 24 hours a day in a room so small we are actually unable to exercise. Whether we think we control our behavior is what matters.

So far we need:

·        A goal

·        A plan

·        The perception we control our behavior

With all this I must be exercising! Right! Right?

While this psychological model of theory of planned behavior does show that all these factors contribute to whether or not we will actually do the behavior (exercise for example) it’s not that good.

But what else could matter?

·        Attitude.

·       Subjective norms – the way each participant’s close social network (i.e. family and good friends) felt about the participant’s goals.

·        Perceived behavioral control.

·        Intention.

·        Emotion. Research shows that intentions to participate in exercise (physical activity) didn’t always lead to exercise. This gap between what people intend to do and their behavior has been called the “intention-behavior gap” - emotion is the missing link in modifying behavior.

Results

After analyzing the different measures it turns out that attitude, subjective norms and perceived behavior control all impacted intention. Intention impacts how long it takes and whether we realize our goals.

But there is more ... emotion matters. Emotion toward intent to achieve goals matters. Emotion also impacts intention.

Bottom line

What does this mean to you?

To give yourself the best chance in changing your lifestyle and behavior you need:

• Intention – with a goal and plan in place.
• Have a positive attitude toward the goal you intend to realize.
• Surround yourself with people who approve and believe in what you are trying to do. Or avoid discussing the topic with people you know are unsupportive.
• Believe that you are capable. Yes, you can!
• Have a positive attitude toward your intent to change your behavior and attitude. Believe in the goal and the plan.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.