Have you ever noticed that some people are always looking at
“Why?” When faced with obstacles or a problem occurs, they want to know the
root cause. They focus on getting to the bottom on things, to diagnosing the
problem. They primarily look backwards to track what led to the problem. This
can be productive and helpful as it prevents the same problem from recurring.
It can also be unproductive and even destructive when it turns into a pursuit
of blame and shame.
Or maybe you have noticed that some people always seem to be
looking at “How?” For them, when a problem presents itself, they start looking at
alternatives. They want to know how to fix it, how to spin it into something
different, or how to troubleshoot for next time. They tend to be looking
forward, anticipating the outcomes and looking for ways to manage them. This
can be productive and helpful when it works to make lemonade out of lemons. It
can also be unproductive and even destructive when it ignores the diagnostic
work needed in the here and now.
When faced with a
problem, which are you more likely to ask first – Why? or How?
I find that knowing this about myself has been helpful,
particularly when I listen to questions asked by someone I am collaborating
with. If we both go straight into How? mode, we may miss out on some diagnostic
work that needs to be done. We can also miss out on informing others about
early process steps that need to be remedied or reconsidered. We just plow
ahead, fixing it for next time.
On the other hand, if I go into How? questions when working
with a Why? oriented person, we might as well be speaking different languages.
We can easily get stuck going two very different directions. I’ll be asking
questions like “How should we proceed?” and my co-collaborator will be asking
“Why didn’t this work?” Both questions have merit. I can make a well-reasoned
case for either of them, and I can understand that each of us is naturally
inclined to pursue the question path that we usually do… But there is no good
in getting stuck, so one of us has to yield.
When I yield, I do it with great trepidation. First, because
the Why? questions sometimes involve finger-pointing, a practice I try to avoid
at all times. I am fine with “a problem happened, now let’s move forward.” I
don’t need to know who did what wrong. At least not now. I like to have things
back on track before I worry about such things, if I do at all. The second
reservation I have about yielding is that I don’t want to waste time.
Sometimes, looking backward and lamenting what is in the past (the one thing we
cannot change!), takes more time than I feel it is worth. I get frustrated by
what seems like analysis paralysis to me.
Given my choice, I’d make a dozen attempts and finally get
it right vs. taking time to analyze the first failed attempt at something. I
now know that this drives some people crazy. They think I am taking unnecessary
risks, that I am the one wasting time, that without logical analysis and
diagnosis my efforts are all going to be in vain.
Neither of us is right, at least not all of the time.
Sometimes, it is appropriate to slow down and look backwards before proceeding.
Other times, plunging ahead and leaving the past behind is the better strategy.
The trick is in knowing how to use both approaches. Or at least in accepting
that there are two approaches, and the one you prefer is not always the best
choice. Respecting that others have an alternate point of view makes each one
of us more effective in problem solving, collaborating and connecting.
Next time you are faced with a problem, pay attention to the
kinds of questions you ask. Are they predominantly Why? or How? questions? Who
around you is asking the other type? That person is someone who can
counter-balance your perspective, someone who may drive you crazy at the very
same time they are the best partner you could ever wish for. After you have
gained this self-awareness and found this foil to balance your perspective, try
this stretch exercise: Stop asking your preferred question and force yourself
to ask the other one. If you are, like me, someone who tends to ask How? force
yourself to ask Why? You’ll learn even more about yourself in this exercise and
will come to appreciate others’ perspectives differently, too.
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