F.E.A.R. ~ False Evidence Appearing Real

“If we take a risk we might fail. If we don’t take a risk we surely will fail. The greatest risk of all is to do nothing.” – Unknown Author

Why would anyone go through the process of setting and planning goals and then not follow through? One possible answer is the rewards aren’t sufficient enough to motivate you into action. Another probable answer is procrastination has derailed or stalled you. The inability to act can often be traced to fear, doubt, or the absence of a clear picture of the potential rewards and consequences.

And all fears come down to these three main types.

1. External Fear

Usually caused by a specific event in your past, external fears are caused by something outside of you. This is when someone fears something specific like flying, spiders or the number 13. It is only triggered under specific instances when you encounter what it is that frightens you. Because of the trigger, these fears are easily recognized.

Most of these fears are caused by some traumatic event in the past. For instance, if you got bit by a spider at a young age, you might develop a phobia about them. Your experience taught you to avoid them.

2. Internal Fear

Like external fears, these fears are also triggered by events outside of you. However, internal fears are not specific to any circumstance and are due to internal emotions. This can make these fears difficult to recognize.

Internal fears manifest as fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, lack of self worth and doubt. Having a fear of failure can stop someone from starting their own business, asking a person out on a date or starting a new hobby.

All of these are different circumstances affected by one fear. Internal fears are dangerous because it can make you think that this fear is just who you are. If you miss it, these fears can really hold you back in life.

3. Subconscious Fear

Other fears are so internal to us that we develop beliefs around them. Subconscious fear is similar to internal fears except subconscious fears are believed to be a part of who we really are. Subconscious fears develop into limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs filter how you see the world. An example of a limiting belief would be if you think you’ll never find a job you like because every job you have ever had was terrible. Limiting beliefs usually try to convince you that you are not good enough to do something.

Because they are beliefs, they are hard to recognize and eliminate. Realize beliefs are not facts. How many beliefs have you had that you realized were not true?  Sometimes what you think is true about yourself is just an irrational belief.

Although any one of these 3 types of fears can cause you to become immobile, it is usually the internal fears that create the most barriers to goal achievement…

Common internal fears can further be divided into three basic categories:

1. Fear of criticism, rejection, or exposure
2. Fear of the unknown
3. Fear of failure

Fear of criticism, rejection, or exposure is linked closely with the need for social acceptance. People will go to great lengths to adopt a mode of dress or a certain type of behavior because they fear criticism and rejection of others. Fear of having an idea rejected continues to lose billions of dollars for American business.

Fear of the unknown can also inhibit achievement. Many times, our need for security (the need to feel safe) causes us to be fearful in those situations in which we are not sure what is going to happen. Our fear of what might or might not happen can cause us to keep from doing those things we should do to bring us closer to our goals. One key to addressing fear of the unknown is examining the possibilities and then weighing them against doing nothing.

It is not unusual for a person to want something intensely, but because of the fear of failure, not even try to attain it. Whether it’s the president who’s afraid to make a change in structure or the manager who is afraid to develop a more competent, self-directed team, fear can be a major deterrent to success. If you promote a risk avoidance mentality, innovation, growth, and the entire goal setting process can be stifled. If mistakes are met with criticism and/or punishment, people will be inclined to do only what they know how to do. It will inhibit creativity and improvement. By not trying, people frequently ensure failure—the very thing that they are trying to avoid. Fear of failure has blinded many people from seeing opportunities.

Many people view failure as a permanent, indelible, and negative state. It’s not that at all! In fact, failure can be a very positive experience. Failure provides an opportunity to learn. Any newly attempted endeavor invites failure. The first time you try to ski you are guaranteed to fall. If you don’t fall you haven’t moved or progressed. Without failure there is no progress. When you stop failing, you stop learning. Failure is important to success if it is viewed as an opportunity to learn. To change failure from a negative experience to a positive phenomenon, eliminate those conditions which contribute to fear of failure. Develop a culture in which individuals are recognized and rewarded for innovation and creative problem solving.

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” – Oscar Wilde

Have you overcome any fears in your life? 

Any ways that you deal with fears when you encounter them?

Fail More Often

Continuing on our theme, 'Fear of Failure', it seems that in our society, it is considered a bad thing to fail. From our earliest memory, we are all taught to succeed at what we try. It does not matter if it is taking a few steps on wobbly legs or negotiating an international merger of two huge organizations, we are conditioned that success is the goal and failure is anathema. Through this conditioning, we are taught to feel great when we succeed and to feel awful when we fail.

Take away the stigma of the word, and a failure is simply an attempt to do something that did not work out as planned. In the learning process, we obtain more information, momentum, resolve, inspiration, insight, and knowledge when we fail than when we succeed. To succeed is to get something done, but we have not learned very much. For example, without the corrective adjustments by ourselves and our parents, we would never learn to walk or talk. It is the constant reshaping of previous attempts that cause our forward progress.

People need to embrace failure and to stop feeling bad about it. What we need in life is more 'at-bats' rather than more home runs. Each time we go for something new, we risk failure, but not taking that risk is a bigger problem, because we block our own advancement.

The most often-quoted example of this theory is the story of Thomas Edison, who found that carbonized bamboo filaments worked well for his light bulb. To re-cap his most famous quotation: “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 things that won’t work.” He also acknowledged that by being creative while simultaneously inventive, he was able to develop things that seemed like serendipity, but they were really the culmination of a lot of hard work and numerous failures. He once said, “Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to doesn’t mean it’s useless.”

The key to embracing failure is to let go of the stigma and seek out the learning potential in every activity. They ought to teach a course on failing in schools. Kids should be introduced to the concepts of failure - as long as something was learned - as the route to eventual success. Instead, we hammer home the idea that to fail is to not live up to expectations. Children learn to fear rather than embrace failure. That attitude permeates our society, and it has a crippling effect on every organization.

Another aspect of failure is the idea that we never really fail until we quit trying. As long as we are stretching to achieve a goal, we have the potential for success. I love the quotation from Vince Lombardi who said, “We never lost a game, but sometimes we just ran out of quarters.”

I believe there needs to be good judgment when deciding how long to persevere. I do not think Winston Churchill was right when he said “Never, never, never, quit.” At some point, it is time to learn a lesson and leave the battlefield. It is okay to have a discarded scheme or to recognize a blind alley and cut your losses. It is important to recognize when we have run out of quarters, but it is wrong to quit trying prematurely. I think the difference between those two mindsets is the difference between genius and mediocrity.

I am not advocating that we fail on purpose. Doing things right should always be the objective. What I want to champion is that the only thing to avoid is making the same mistake over and over again. Some people focus on being busy just to have something to do. Thomas Edison had a quote for that too. He said, “Being busy does not always mean real work.”

Institute an “Experience Award” at work for daring to risk. Honor people who stretch and try but fail, as long as they learn from the experience. It may seem unorthodox and “over the top” to many stuffy managers who will not tolerate things that are irregular. Too bad these managers are leaving real creativity off the table.

Why Failure Is Good for Success

This week's article is a follow-up to my last week's radio talk, on the Fear of Failure. To achieve the greatest success, you have to embrace the prospect of failure.

The sweetest victory is the one that’s most difficult. The one that requires you to reach down deep inside, to fight with everything you have got, to be willing to leave everything out there on the battlefield—without knowing, until that do-or-die moment, if your heroic effort will be enough.

Society does not reward defeat, and you won’t find many failures documented in history books. The exceptions are those failures that become steppingstones to later success. Such is the case with Thomas Edison, whose most memorable invention was the light bulb, which purportedly took him 1,000 tries before he developed a successful prototype. When a reporter asked “How did it feel to fail that many times?” Edison's response was, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” 

Unlike Edison, many of us avoid the prospect of failure. In fact, we are so focused on not failing that we don’t aim for success, settling instead for a life of mediocrity. When we do make missteps, we gloss over them, selectively editing out the miscalculations or mistakes in our life’s résumé.

“Failure is not an option,” NASA flight controller Jerry C. Bostick reportedly stated during the mission to bring the damaged Apollo 13 back to Earth, and that phrase has been etched into the collective memory ever since.

To many in our success-driven society, failure is not just considered a non-option—it’s deemed a deficiency, says Kathryn Schulz, author of Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error. “Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list,” Schulz says. “It is our meta-mistake: We are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition.”

Life’s Greatest Teacher

When we take a closer look at the great thinkers throughout history, a willingness to take on failure is not a new or extraordinary thought at all. From the likes of Augustine, Darwin and Freud to the business mavericks and sports legends of today, failure is as powerful a tool as any in reaching great success.

“Failure and defeat are life’s greatest teachers but, sadly, most people, and particularly conservative corporate cultures, don’t want to go there,” says Ralph Heath, managing partner of Synergy Leadership Group and author of Celebrating Failure: The Power of Taking Risks, Making Mistakes and Thinking Big. “Instead they choose to play it safe, to fly below the radar, repeating the same safe choices over and over again. They operate under the belief that if they make no waves, they attract no attention; no one will yell at them for failing because they generally never attempt anything great at which they could possibly fail (or succeed).”

However, in today’s post-recession economy, some employers are no longer shying away from failure—they are embracing it. According to a recent article in Business Week, many companies are deliberately seeking out those with track records reflecting both failure and success, believing that those who have been in the trenches, survived battle and come out on the other side have irreplaceable experience and perseverance. They are veterans of failure.

The prevailing school of thought in progressive companies—such as Intuit, General Electric, Corning and Virgin Atlantic—is that great success depends on great risk, and failure is simply a common byproduct. Executives of such organizations don’t mourn their mistakes but instead parlay them into future gains.

“The quickest road to success is to possess an attitude toward failure of ‘no fear,’ ” says Heath. “To do their work well, to be successful and to keep their companies competitive, leaders and workers on the front lines need to stick their necks out a mile every day. They have to deliver risky, edgy, breakthrough ideas, plans, presentations, advice, technology, products, leadership, bills and more. And they have to deliver all this fearlessly—without any fear whatsoever of failure, rejection or punishment.”

Reaching Your Potential

The same holds true for personal quests, whether in overcoming some specific challenge or reaching your full potential in all aspects of life. To achieve your personal best, to reach unparalleled heights, to make the impossible possible, you can’t fear failure, you must think big, and you have to push yourself.

When we think of people with this mindset, we imagine the daredevils, the pioneers, the inventors, the explorers: They embrace failure as a necessary step to unprecedented success.

But you don’t have to walk a tightrope, climb Mount Everest or cure polio to employ this mindset in your own life. When the rewards of success are great, embracing possible failure is key to taking on a variety of challenges, whether you are reinventing yourself by starting a new business or allowing yourself to trust another person to build a deeper relationship.

“To achieve any worthy goal, you must take risks,” says writer and speaker John C. Maxwell. In his book Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success, he points to the example of legendary aviator Amelia Earhart, who set several records and achieved many firsts in her lifetime, including being the first female pilot to fly solo over the Atlantic Ocean. Although her final flight proved fateful, Maxwell believes she knew the risk—and that the potential reward was worth it. “[Earhart’s] advice when it came to risk was simple and direct: ‘Decide whether or not the goal is worth the risks involved. If it is, stop worrying.’ ”

Of course, the risks you take should be calculated; you should not fly blindly into the night and simply hope for the best. Achieving the goal or at least waging a heroic effort requires preparation, practice and some awareness of your skills and talents.

Easing Into a Fearless Mindset

“One of the biggest secrets to success is operating inside your strength zone but outside of your comfort zone,” Heath says. Although you might fail incredibly, you might succeed incredibly—and that’s why incredible risk and courage are requisite. Either way, you’ll learn more than ever about your strengths, talents and resolve, and you’ll strengthen your will for the next challenge.

If this sounds like dangerous territory, it can be. But there are ways to ease into this fearless mindset. The first is to consciously maintain a positive attitude so that, no matter what you encounter, you’ll be able to see the lessons of the experience and continue to push forward.

“It’s true that not everyone is positive by nature,” says Maxwell, who cites his father as someone who would describe himself as a negative person by nature. “Here’s how my dad changed his attitude. First he made a choice: He continually chooses to have a positive attitude. Second, he’s continually reading and listening to materials that bolster that attitude. For example, he’s read The Power of Positive Thinking many times. I did not get it at first, so once I asked him why. His response: ‘Son, I need to keep filling the tank so I can stay positive.’ ”

Heath recommends studying the failures and subsequent reactions of successful people and, within a business context, repeating such histories for others. “Reward them and applaud their efforts in front of the entire organization so everyone understands it is OK to fail. So employees say to themselves, ‘I see that Bill, the vice president of widgets, who the president adores, failed, and he is not only back at work, but he is driving a hot new sports car. I can fail and come to work the next day. Bill is proof of it.’ ”

Finally, Heath stays motivated by the thought that, “if I become complacent and don’t take risks, someone will notice what I am doing and improve upon my efforts over time, and put me out of work. You have got to keep finding better ways to run your life, or someone will take what you have accomplished, improve upon it, and be very pleased with the results. Keep moving forward or die.”

Quantum Physics of Belief - Positive Thinking

We have different degrees of happiness and different kinds of suffering. Material objects give rise to physical happiness while spiritual development gives rise to mental happiness. Since we experience both physical and mental happiness, we need both material and spiritual development. This is why, for our own good and that of society we need to balance material progress with inner development. ~ His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

Do you recognize the inner demons (such as your fear, self limiting beliefs etc.) obstructing your journey to your happiness and success? Listen to my radio show on Saturday April 7th at 8PM CDT and learn a 5 step (Chod) process to fighting those demons.
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If you have listened to my radio show last Saturday on March 31^st you probably heard my guest Dr. Ed Moloney talk about the importance and power of positive thinking. Most modern Management gurus would all acknowledge that people perform better when they are feeling positive. So, as leaders we naturally want our teams and organizations to be positive environments. However, most leaders are not aware of the factors that influence the positivity of environments. We think we are controlling environments when we monitor what is said and done, but experimentation tells us that thoughts themselves become pervasive and set the tone in an environment.

It is commonly acknowledged that positive environments are conducive to higher performance. Among other things, positivity in an environment helps people think more clearly and doesn’t waste the energy that negative emotions demand. Conventionally, we get people to feel more positive by taking action such as showing appreciation for their work or inspiring them to be of service to customers. Now we see there are other factors that must be considered in creating a positive environment.

First, we must become more careful with our own thoughts. Consider what the impact we will have on an employee or group when we harbor fears of them failing, or when we allow our minds to be overrun with anxiety. We may think there is no harm in our thoughts, as long as we control what we say and do, but remember that the episode from the movie Apollo 13 tells us otherwise. In that movie, the Flight Director Gene Kranz (played by Ed Harris) says two powerful things: “Failure is NOT an Option.” And “I will not allow that [negative] thought to exist in this space” (even if it was only a thought by a crew member!)

We also must become more attentive to the thoughts that are pervasive in our organizations. We need to detect and control the thought energy of our organizations as diligently as we measure and control the performance outcomes. This has implications to the criteria we use for hiring and promoting, as well as the priorities we choose to address.

We have all experienced negative people who can be among our best performers. We generally tolerate their negativity until and unless they say or do something that are harmful to the group. However, now we see that their mere presence has a detrimental impact to the organization.

In general, this knowledge demands that we become more cognizant of group energy, including how it is generated and its impact on performance. Most leaders are currently unaware that thoughts alone can become pervasive and affect the entire organization, either positively or negatively.

Coming back to the original topic of positive thinking, we would all generally agree that thinking positively is a good thing; especially, when we are feeling positive.

But, what about when things go crappy? What about those days when you are so stressed the veins pop out of your forehead? When you hate your job — or you have lost it? What about those days when you are sucker-punched by a series of unfortunate events that makes the life of Job look like a garden party?

Here is the secret that is not really a secret. It’s revolutionary, exciting science.

Positive thinking really does change your brain. Not in some magical, woo-woo kind of way, but in a real physical way.

The science is called Neuroplasticity. It means that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The idea was first introduced by William James in 1890, but it was not accepted by many who uniformly believed the brain is rigidly mapped out, with certain parts of the brain controlling certain functions. If that part is dead or damaged, the function is altered or lost. Well, it appears they were wrong.

Neuroplasticity now enjoys wide acceptance as scientists are proving the brain is endlessly adaptable and dynamic.

It has the power to change its own structure, even for those with the severe neurological afflictions. People with problems like strokes, cerebral palsy, and mental illness can train other areas of their brains through repetitive mental and physical activities. It is completely life-altering.

So what does this have to do with positive thinking and with you?

It means that repetitive positive thought and positive activity can rewire your brain and strengthen brain areas that stimulate positive feelings.

In his widely-acclaimed book, The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doidge M.D. states plainly that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself and/or form new neural pathways — if we do the work. Just like exercise, the work requires repetition and activity to reinforce new learning.

Here are some actions you can take to change your own brain during the bad times.

Fear of failure

Everyone fears doing something new because we don’t want to fail. The truth is, we can do most anything if we take action, stop negative thinking, and shift our perceptions of the truth about our abilities.

Action steps: Force yourself to stop thinking about reasons you can’t do something, even if you don’t feel brave or capable. Every time a negative thought creeps in, retrain your brain to think a positive thought about your abilities instead. Then take small actions every day toward achieving your goal or desired change.  Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” has real validity.

Over-thinking/Worrying

Have you ever found yourself trapped in obsessive over-thinking about a problem or in a state of anxiety or worry that lasts for days or even weeks? It drains your energy, affects your sleep, and spirals your mood and outlook on life. Focusing on your problem only strengthens the worry function in your brain.

Action steps: When you find yourself in that cycle of worry or compulsive thinking, remember the three R’s — rename, re-frame, and redirect. When the worry begins, mentally yell “Stop!” Rename the issue by reminding yourself that worry isn’t real. Rename it as a compulsive reaction, not reality. Re-frame your thinking by focusing on positive or distracting thoughts, even if you still feel anxious. Force yourself to think different thoughts. Redirect your actions. Go do something uplifting, fun or mentally engaging. The key is following these steps repeatedly, every time you worry obsessively, to break the pattern and rewire your brain.

Mood Disorders/Phobias

Sometimes we might feel blue or out-of-sorts, and it’s just a temporary fog that settles in and lifts after a few days. Some mood disorders, like depression or serious anxieties that morph into phobias, can be debilitating and unrelenting. Psychologists and therapists have used treatments based on Neuroplasticity to get to the cognitive root of these disorders and put a patient’s life back on track.

Action steps: A serious mood disorder or phobia requires the help of a trained counselor. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and feelings. If you suffer from severe anxiety or depression, you need someone skilled to help you get to the root of these thoughts and to show you how to change them. Ask them about CBT.

Scientists are now looking at Neuroplasticity to approach a wide variety of cognitive problems and disorders including:

Auditory processing problems

Autism and hypersensitivity

Cerebral palsy

Chronic pain

Cognitive problems after brain surgery

Depression and anxiety

Issues related to love and sex

Learning disorders and reading problems

Loss of senses — vision, balance and hearing

Obsessive compulsive disorder

Psychological trauma

Stroke and brain injury recovery

The aging brain and memory

In his book, Dr. Doidge chronicles amazing case histories of patients whose astonishing progress had previously been dismissed as hopeless. Through the applications of this science, we all have the ability to be happier and more positive, raise our IQ’s, rejuvenate aging brains, and learn new skills with ease.