More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us - when in fact, most people are more scared than us. When all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we end up with a wishful idea of “I wish I was somebody else!”
Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and think of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.
Self Esteem – what exactly is it and how does one find it?
Esteem: (definition according to Webster's Dictionary) to value, appraise, estimate, to have great regard for; value highly; favorable opinion, high regard …
When people truly esteem themselves, they will take 100% responsibility for their own lives. They let others make decisions for themselves without trying to be in control, and let others be responsible for their actions. Life lived right is a delicate balance, and we all need help maintaining this balance.
Get in touch with your true self which is perfect in every way. Your true self esteem is who it is because it knows it was created perfect by a perfect creator. It is the false self that finds fault in who it is and lacks self esteem. Finding your Authentic or true self is the only adventure you can’t afford to miss in life.
For the record, I never had a client who complained of having too much self esteem, and who therefore asked for a reduction. Most people, in moments of profound honesty, will admit to a lack of self esteem. They would like to feel better about themselves - more confident and capable - in short, to love themselves more.
Some time ago, an extremely famous chat show host was heard to say: "Low self esteem is the root of all the problems in the world”...
One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?” In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve herself.
One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love your self is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.
Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.
Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.
We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life doesn’t need to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.
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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.
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