How to Change Things When Change is Hard

Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in our companies, in our communities, in our own lives?

The primary obstacle is a conflict that's built into our brains. Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems - the rational (conscious) mind and the emotional (subconscious) mind - that compete for control. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that Oreo cookie. The rational mind wants to change something at work; the emotional mind loves the comfort of the existing routine. The tension can doom a change effort - but if it is overcome, change can come quickly.

Here is a compelling metaphor to explain the tension between our rational mind and our emotional mind. Visualize a person riding atop a large elephant. They say that our rational side is the Rider and our emotional side is the Elephant. Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reigns and seems to be the leader. But the rider's control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant. Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He's completely overmatched.

If you want to change things, you have got to appeal to both the Rider and the Elephant. The Rider provides the planning and direction and the Elephant provides the energy. So if you reach the Riders of your team but not the Elephants, team members will have understanding without motivation. If you reach the Elephants but not their Riders, they'll have passion without direction. In both cases, the flaws can be paralyzing. A reluctant Elephant and a wheel-spinning Rider can both ensure that nothing changes. But when Elephants and Riders move together, change can come easily.

Here is a basic three-part framework that can guide you in any situation where you need to change behavior. In any change situation you need to:

1. 1.    Direct the Rider. What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity. So provide crystal-clear direction.
2. 2.    Motivate the Elephant. What looks like laziness is often exhaustion. The Rider can't get his way by force for very long. So it's critical that you engage people's emotional side - get their Elephants on the path and cooperative.
3. 3.    Shape the Path. What looks like a people problem is often a situational problem. We call the situation (including the surrounding environment) the "Path." When you shape the Path, you make change more likely, no matter what is happening with the Rider and the Elephant.

I don't promise that making change is easy, but at least it can be made easier. My goal is to teach you a framework, based on decades of scientific research, that is simple enough to remember and flexible enough to use in many different situations - family, work, community and otherwise. To change behavior, you have got to direct the Rider, motivate the Elephant and shape the Path. If you can do all three at once, dramatic change can happen even if you don't have lots of power or resources behind you.

Successful changes follow a pattern, a pattern you can use to make the changes that matter to you, whether your interest is in changing the world or changing your waistline.

Wimpy Leaders

You cannot be wimpy out there on the dream-seeking trail. Dare to break through barriers, to find your own path. ~ Les Brown.

I have written about bully leaders previously, but I have not addressed until now, the other end of the spectrum – wimpy bosses. While not as obnoxious as a bully boss, the wimpy leader can be exasperating in different ways.

There are numerous characteristics that define a boss as being on the wimpy side, here are six habits that stand out to me:

1. Procrastination, slow decisions, analysis paralysis

I am reminded of the cartoon character “Wimpy” in the Popeye Cartoon, (I know I am dating myself – and as Groucho used to say, “If you are dating yourself, you aren’t likely to have many children”). Wimpy was famous for the line, “I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” That characteristic of postponing things is one of the hallmarks of a wimpy boss. Regardless of the issue, there are some bosses who do not want to face making a decision, so they ask for more analysis or more time. Eventually people get the message that there isn’t going to be a firm answer.

2. Not standing up for people in discussions with higher management 

Another trait of a wimpy boss is that the person will not stand up for people who work for him or her. If upper layers of management perceive an individual incorrectly, the wimpy boss is going to be a “yes man” and not challenge the misconception.

3. Waffling depending on which way the wind is blowing - "flip-flopping" 

Wimpy bosses do not hold firm to decisions made on principle. They bend with the breeze coming from on high and waffle when asked to take a stand on issues involving integrity. They are like chameleons and change colors to blend in with the background.

4. No backbone, does not confront people who abuse 

When a person is abusing other employees, the wimpy boss does not step in with strong action to stop the problem. Instead, problems are allowed to fester and well up because the boss has no strength or backbone.

5. Using Authority instead of Power 

To make up for the perception of being weaker, these bosses who have not earned sufficient power make the mistake of trying to influence others by overexerting their authority. But excessive use of authority can cause employees to rebel in much the same way that children rebel against restrictive parents.

6. Encouraging ‘up-delegated’ tasks 

Too nice is being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. To placate whiny employees and squeaky wheels - primarily because you were too weak to fight for and provide the resources in the first place - you do their work for them or place more of a burden on others. Eventually, everybody is doing nothing but complaining.

What can you do if you have a wimpy boss? That is a really good question, because you are not likely to change this person. The weak habits are a form of self preservation, laziness, or just plain being gutless. No amount of coaching is likely to reverse a lifetime of bad habits in this area. It can be very frustrating because it seems there is little you can do short of leaving the organization.

Here are some ideas that can help if applied with care.

1.    Document your requests and needs well. Don't let things slip. 

If you are reporting to a wimpy boss, the best you can do is document your requests carefully and make sure you copy others, such as senior management or HR in on your requests.

2.    Put a "date by" on all requests and check if late. 

Make sure the need for decisions have a date fixed to them and that a large number of people are aware of the delivery date. If needed, send reminders a reasonable time before the due date.

3. Follow up on all discussions and promises.

Hold the boss to promises made. 

4. Reinforce when the boss does show some backbone. 

If you see some signs of strength emerging, reinforce the boss enthusiastically for taking action. It will serve to encourage stronger action in the future.

5. Gently suggest some leadership training if appropriate. 

Lastly, training can help a wimpy boss learn how to handle difficult situations and also make more firm decisions. You may not be in a position to nudge the boss directly to get some training, but there could be indirect ways to let it be known that some additional seasoning would be beneficial. Each organization will have a different political hierarchy that includes not only the wimpy boss but also that person’s peers, manager, HR, and the Development Group. As an underling to a wimpy boss, you need to be careful how and when you point out opportunities for improvement.

Time to look in the mirror to ask yourself: “Where am I being a Wimpy Leader? Where do I need to be The Decider?”

I would love to hear your stories of Wimpy Leaders – please share in the comments below.

Snow Ball Effect

In many ways, the first small steps you take to change your behavior are the most important. Once you initiate change, it seems to feed on itself, as two psychological triggers are at work:

a.    More exposure effect: The more you are exposed to something, the more you like it. Initially unwelcome change efforts will gradually be perceived more favorably as people get used to them.

b.    Cognitive dissonance: Once people take small steps, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to dislike how they act. We don’t like to act in one way and think in another. And once we begin to behave differently, our self-perception changes and our identity evolves, which reinforces our new approach.

This is what is called ‘the snowball effect’. Changes just seem to take off. They are the result of “small wins” but, not always. Rather, they are automatic forces that kick in as time passes.

It’s therefore essential to start as soon as possible and take advantage of the momentum.

While inertia and the status quo may exert an irresistible pull, at this point you need to muster the courage and just do it. Just get it started.

Ah, yes, but that’s the problem, isn’t it? The status quo feels comfortable and steady because much of our thinking is on autopilot. Routines feel good to us because it frees up our brain for other things, especially creative thinking.

What really helps me to get started when I want to change a behavior is to become aware of how much I am on autopilot. Having routines can be a time-saver since we don’t have to make choices, we just do it. But it’s also what creates rut and stagnation.

It actually irks me to be a slave to my habits (just the ones I don’t like). I tell myself, “Who’s in charge here, the autopilot or me?” If I am more powerful than that, I will actually feel energized by breaking the routine to do something new.

Your first attempt doesn’t have to be perfect or complete. At some point, inertia will shift from resisting change to supporting it, and small changes will snowball into big changes.

But it’s that first effort to say, “No, I am not going to eat that over sized portion on my plate,” that builds the momentum. At the next meal, you become aware of how restaurants over serve their portions (here in the USA), and you start cutting down meal sizes.

·        It’s that first time you respond with a smile to someone who pushes your buttons.

·        It’s when you stop yourself from explaining everything and ask a question instead.

·        It’s when you stop telling yourself you are tired and start asking how you can re-energize your tasks.

When I stop looking for how I can cut corners and make my work flow a routine, and start looking for creative ways to make a difference in the world, then I become more of a change agent.

It starts with the first snowball, and I am the one who has to set it in motion. Then it becomes fun to watch it grow and gather momentum.

What has been your experience when you want to change something?

Productivity

There are many examples of individuals who overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve worldwide acclaim, of leaders who took their companies to positions of global dominance in the face of fierce competition. There are even more examples of those who gave up, threw in the towel, and failed. It’s easy to blame others, or the environment, or the economy, or to rationalize ‘why’ it wasn’t their fault. If circumstances are not the determining factor, what is?

Too many people hold themselves in lower self-esteem than the actual facts warrant. Bad moments and past mistakes tend to make a deeper impression on our memories than our past successes. Many people tend to think more often of where and how they’ve failed, rather than where and how they have succeeded. Thus, many people tend to view themselves as less capable than they actually are. Another problem is that many have never learned the importance of self-love. The awkwardness with which some people accept compliments illustrates this fact. They often allow minor imperfections to color their view of themselves, resulting in a low self-image. To build a self-image on anything less than self-love, is to build on a hopelessly weak foundation.

With these thoughts in mind, let’s explore the difference you would make in enhancing the self-image of others if you thought more frequently in terms of their strengths and implemented a system and recognition program focused on their achievements, rather than on mistakes and failures. How much easier would it be to implement a change process if everyone viewed himself or herself in such a positive light?

What would happen to productivity if everyone thought more in terms of their unlimited potential rather than their limitations?  What if you were to pay close attention as you go through your day to the processes and systems you use? I’ll bet with a raised level of awareness, you could easily identify three things that could help you be more productive.

Maybe you could immediately think of more than three things, but just for the exercise, boil them down to three main barriers that get in the way of getting work done successfully. In the work we do at eMBC Inc., we often notice participants benefit enormously from this simple act of observing and asking questions.

What obstacles do you run into that, if they were different, would help you get your work done more easily, faster, and better? If you could directly change any of the things you observe, you can commit to making those changes by the end of the week.

I ran across this page the other day on Wikipedia: Human Interaction Management. Apparently there is a movement stemming from business process management that includes the human elements. The simple act of observation and questioning can help bring to light needed areas for productivity improvement.

Let me give some examples.

·                  If you need assistance or approval from a colleague or manager, find out how you can get that process in motion.

·                  If the change you need carries a cost, be sure you can identify the cost justification and have it ready when you start your conversation

·                  If you have direct reports, do this exercise with one or more of them this week, as well.

It’s a good idea to take an entire day to observe your work day in process, asking questions at each step. Ask yourself, “What is getting in the way of successfully making progress on this project?” And ask your direct reports the same questions.

What will you discover? It depends on the quality of your observations and questions. I believe this is a valuable exercise anyone can engage in at any point in their career, at any day of the week. One of my clients is practicing this currently in his company.

Be willing to ask tough questions and be ready to commit to doing things differently; which also requires going out of one’s comfort zone.

Caveat: Pay attention to the phrase: “If you could directly change any of the things you observe, you can commit to making those changes by the end of the week.”

If all you see is what other people should or could be doing differently, then you are stuck. What can you directly change that will make a difference?

If you haven’t taken time out recently for observing your work day and asking tough questions, may I gently suggest you do? I know every time I do this exercise it is invaluable and effective. Let me know what you discover…

Learning to Say No

No is such a small word and yet so hard to say.

Often we don’t want to say no, even when that’s the right thing to do because we don’t want to risk appearing unable, unappreciative, or disrespectful. We don’t always act as we know we should. Many people place more value on what others think of them rather than on what they think of themselves. Their need to please others is so strong that, in pleasing others, they continue to diminish their own worth and the quality of their lives. If you, like many people, inadvertently are more concerned about pleasing others than pleasing yourself, it’s time to change.

If you consider what others think of you to be more important than what you think of yourself, you are likely to accept more responsibility than you want or can handle. In a childish attempt to please, you might accept too many responsibilities and become overwhelmed. We’ve all had occasions when we were afraid to tell the boss no. We’ve hesitated about refusing an invitation lest we hurt someone’s feelings, or we’ve agreed to help out a friend even when we didn’t have the time to do so. As stated before, this can cause you to feel overworked, underpaid, out of control, and unappreciated!

If your self-image is healthy and your need to please others is secondary to pleasing yourself, you will tend to frame your responses in light of your values and priorities. As a result, you will find yourself appropriately saying no when requests are not in alignment with your values and goals. Focus on developing attitudes and habits that continuously enhance a positive self-image and a high level of confidence. Focus on doing the right things for the right reasons.

The key to changing any habit is having a desire to change. Desire is reinforced by your conviction that your goals and priorities are right. Habits are very powerful and difficult to break. Therefore, you must really want to change and the rewards or the consequences must outweigh the alternative. If not, you’ll do what’s comfortable. It is frequently easier to do what is familiar than to do what we know is right, but familiar may not be best.

Choose the outcomes you desire. Who you are today may have been the result of choices made by many others in years past. Who you become tomorrow will be a result of choices you make today. Look to the future, not to the past. View setbacks not as failures but as learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Situations do not control you. If you feel your job, your life, your boss, your employees, or your family controls your time, you’ve chosen to let them. You can choose to control your own life. You can select the events in which you want to participate and affect the ultimate outcome. Alan Kay once said, “The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” People may choose to control our lives, but they are only successful of we choose to let them. What you accomplish and the amount of time you spend getting there depends on the choices you continue to make.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 27 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya ats6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.