Finding Strengths in Weaknesses

 ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently, I had an intense few days involving an extremely spiritual and emotionally significant event that has recently ended, or at least ended in one form.

These feelings are all normal and to be expected, of course. But I noticed that when I let full vent to my emotions, without trying to be strong or stoic, I felt better. I still felt grief and sadness, but they felt right, somehow–not like suffering, not like something I had to overcome or escape.

This started me thinking about this characteristic I have of feeling emotions–and expressing them–very intensely. I realized that for my whole life I have felt emotions intensely, and in relationships, even the short-lived ones, I have always given of myself 100%. Though it always hurts to not get the same reception from someone you love, I got to thinking: This characteristic I have of giving love so totally–is this a strength or a weakness?

On one hand, it hurts, and I do tend to give myself away too quickly, without waiting to see if the other person is capable of meeting me in the same way. This can be seen as a weakness, something for me to work on tempering.

On the other hand, the fact that I have the capacity to give myself in this way, over and over, even when I have been hurt, can be seen as a strength. I don’t want to stop being able to do that. I like that about myself. I never want to let the pain of the past interfere with my ability to feel, fully, in the present–to give of myself and to express my inner self.

Though feelings can hurt, the ability to feel is a gift. And the ability to express feelings to others is a gift to them. To hold back emotions is to keep back a special gift from the world.

When we notice parts of ourselves that we consider weaknesses, I wonder if we can stop for a moment and look at them closely, to see if, somewhere, there are underlying strengths there as well.

If we have a tendency to get angry, for instance (as I do), doesn’t that also mean that we feel we are worthy of self-protection–that we feel things passionately?

If we sometimes overeat, can this also mean that we have an appreciation for the senses, or that we have the capacity and self-love to want to comfort ourselves when we are hurting?

Yes, we may need to work on expressing these emotions in a healthier way, but can we accept what we need to work on while also exploring the other side of the coin? Can we modify our behavior while still retaining the knowledge that, underneath the unhealthy behaviors are positive aspects that are longing to express themselves?

Can we actually use our weaknesses to discover our strengths?

I am passionate. I love fully and don’t hold back from my partners. I feel strongly and I am not afraid of expressing the truths of my soul. Though our culture may suggest it’s better to hold back, to appear “reasonable” and calm, to me, this is one of my greatest strengths and gifts to the universe. It’s taken me a long time to realize this.

What about you? Where are your strengths hidden within your weaknesses?

Succeeding Thru Inner Peace

For many years, like many people I lived my life failing to understand that inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I was thinking those days. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing an entire country, etc.

Then there were the stories closer to home— my father suffering from stroke and eventually passing away soon after my son was born, my sister struggling with cancer and ultimately succumbing, and my mother too was diagnosed with cancer and dying less than three months later,—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life, when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all, wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I wished not to be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger—to feel serenity in my heart. It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life.

I know that as the months and years went on I became more determined to change the way I was living.

It was a few months ago—I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened—when I finally felt a peace inside that did not come and go along with my emotions or the drama in my life. I know it was the culmination of making a lot of changes, including:

Believing I am loved

Understanding that negative childhood imprinting leads to feeling unloved and having low self-esteem, I looked for and found the truth about myself. It was not what I had been led to believe was true!

Believing we are loved comes with knowing who we are, not judging ourselves or others for mistakes we make, and from daily meditation in which we feel the unconditional love of something greater than ourselves.

Monitoring and changing my thoughts

I once believed I had no control over what I was thinking, because I never considered the idea that thoughts can be changed! Then I started focusing on my thoughts and realized much of what I was thinking did not reflect the way I truly felt.

Just paying by attention to them, we see that many thoughts are primarily fear-based and judgmental.

And, because they come and go unchallenged, most of us struggle through life unconsciously accepting that we are our thoughts. We simply do not look at or challenge them as they appear and disappear. By accepting them we give them permission to shape our beliefs about ourselves and our lives.

Once you start recognizing them, you can go about changing your thoughts. Through observing how your thoughts differ from the way you really feel, you can choose to place a different thought in your mind, which more accurately reflects the way you feel.

Coming from loving kindness and living from my higher self

By noticing and appreciating other people’s kindness, we become aware how much it really matters in daily living. In dealing with difficult telephone calls, perhaps an angry person on the other end of the line, we can choose to be kind.

When a friend asks us to help with something, we can decide on the kindest thing to say or do.

If someone asks for a donation for the umpteenth time, we can deal with the request kindly. Obviously, there are times we cannot give whatever is being asked of us; when we do not have the means or desire to agree to a certain request. In these circumstances, saying no with kindness is the best choice.

Sometimes kindly refusing to provide assistance is important in helping promote personal growth in others and allows them to learn some important life lessons.

If someone is gossiping about someone we know, we can be silently kind, refusing to be drawn into the conversation. By choosing kindness, we allow positive energy to flow from us to others and prevent negative energy from reaching us or infusing situations. In this way we create and maintain a connection to our higher selves. And, realize just how good it feels to be kind.

Bringing the practice of acceptance into my daily life

Perhaps the key to feeling real peace is being able to accept what is. Acceptance simply means recognizing your ego’s voice and rejecting it. Knowing that the only person we can change is ourselves enables us to do this.

As soon as we start to think there is something not right, not the way it should be, or we become judgmental about a situation or a person—their words or behavior—we know we have moved away from accepting what is, by wanting to control what is outside of us.

There is a lot of negative energy and craziness in this world, but we can all learn to live with inner peace.

If your intention is strong and comes from the deepest part of you, it will happen. Outwardly nothing changes; peace comes from making changes inside you.

It begins and continues through becoming more aware of who you really are, knowing you are loved, making changes in the way you think, practicing loving kindness, and accepting what is.

As serenity and unconditional love fill your heart, you will accept that you cannot go back, and will not relinquish what you have now found—that peace that you seem to have been searching for your whole life.

Finally, you will come to this—deep inner peace inside you that endures, regardless of what challenges life brings.

I just have to share a bit of what is taking place in my life… I am sharing a video that I did last week for a couple of reasons… based on what I wrote above… so you can understand the energy… and so you can see the incredible Light Orb that decided to rest on my throat… How cool is that! Angels are all around us!!! 

Succeeding Thru Inner Peace

Accept Your Weaknesses

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

For years, I had a major weakness: I was extremely judgmental. I recognized it about myself, and I wore the label with pride. What I did not recognize was the fact that I had another weakness that was keeping me judgmental and loud about it: I had low self-esteem.

It’s surprising just how many of our problems are linked to low self-esteem. But if we take a minute to think about why we feel the way we do and consider the negative thoughts we have, we’ll see just how much of it is a branch of that same tree.

For years, I made a bad habit of verbalizing how strong I was. I went along fine like that for a while, but eventually my illusion of perfection came crashing down on me.

Before all of that, I thought I was handling everything well—telling people off when I was angry with them, telling people what I thought about everything even when they didn’t ask, and telling people how weak they were when they wouldn’t stand up for their beliefs.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the thing I thought was my greatest strength was actually a mask for my biggest flaw.

It is human nature to try to cover our flaws, but it is important for us to recognize our imperfections and see how we can use them to improve ourselves.

Of course, it would be best for us to recognize our flaws before they cause us so many problems. But sometimes, great change can come from a breakdown.

I look back on my condition now, and I know how breaking down was the best thing for me. Why? It taught me that people are not perfect. And most importantly, it taught me to face the fact that I wasn’t perfect and I couldn’t continue to bear the heavy burden of the masks I wore.

Being an analytical person, I also wondered why I had always thought other people were so “weak.” If I can’t go out socializing, why am I so intolerant of those with addictions? If I can’t make myself answer the telephone, how can I expect someone who fears confrontation to speak up for herself?

Following that introspection, I became more compassionate. And as I became more compassionate, I became more confident.

No one is perfect. That line is over-quoted and under-appreciated. What does it really mean to us? We say it, but we often think “no one is” means “I am not.” And even worse, we can think “no one is” means “(s)he is not.”

No one is perfect. This is not an excuse to behave poorly or mistreat people. But it is a truth we can use to cut ourselves (and others) a little slack.

When we understand that we all have flaws, and that having flaws makes us human, we can hold our heads a little higher. It gives us a better view of the reality that we really are just as valuable as other people. And more importantly, it helps us understand that the flaws others have are often forgivable.

People who knew me thought they understood what I was going through. They tried to understand the condition from their worldview. The truth was, I only told one person outside of our home just how bad my condition really was.

Because most people didn’t really know how bad I was, many people judged me when I wouldn’t visit their homes when invited or attend their social gatherings. My own family judged me when I didn’t want visitors in our home. So, for a short while, I had a taste of my own bad medicine.

My condition taught me a lot about people and how judgmental they can be. Most importantly, it showed me how judgmental I could be.

I am not angry with those people who treated me that way, because if I hadn’t been through it myself, I likely would have been just as judgmental with someone else in the same condition.

If you have low self-esteem, do you ever think you are the only person? Do you ever think no one else understands? It might seem like that is the case, because people with the lowest self-esteem usually won’t tell people about it.

I used to look at people on television, attending college football games, or other tennis matches, and I would wonder, “Where are all the people like me?”

Well, it was a silly question wasn’t it? The people “like me” are probably locked away, hidden, nervous, and afraid to face the world. They are afraid of the judgment I once passed and later received.

I still struggle to remain confident. That was made evident by the fact that my web site and blog image were initially sketch drawings instead of my picture on them. But, I learnt, and my progress has taught me that if I have come this far, I can keep going.

As I became more self aware, I am stronger today than I was yesterday. I am made stronger by my weaknesses, which have taught me so much.

If we have low self-esteem, it can help us be more compassionate if we use it to our benefit. And through our compassion, our self-esteem can improve.

No one is perfect, but through our imperfections we can become better.

One more article, coming up soon on finding strength in weaknesses...

When a Character Strength Becomes a Weakness

In my youth, I was striven to be “nice.” I tolerated a lot from others. I forgave easily and learned to “turn the other cheek.” I made myself constantly available to other people and asked nothing in return. I remained loyal even when people mistreated me. I helped friends even when my need for help was greater. When friends started calling me their “angel,” I was proud at first.

But soon I became resentful of what that implied. If my purpose was solely to help them, then who would help me? I felt more like a doormat than an angel.

Then, in my early teens, the proverbial pendulum swung the other way. I became protective of my emotional resources and was rather “prickly” at times.

The self-absorption that is typical of adolescence hit me a little later, as a reaction to feeling taken advantage of in previous years. I no longer wanted to be a helper because I no longer wanted to feel used.

This strength of mine—helping—then felt like a weakness.

So for a time, I gave up something I truly valued, because I didn’t know how to use that strength without hurting myself. But after a while, I began to feel a disconnect. It was still important to me to help people— friends, family, and strangers alike. But how could I do it in a way that wouldn’t lead to my downfall?

When a character strength becomes a weakness, how do we maintain what is important to us without the harmful side effects?

If we really examine what’s meaningful to us, we often find there are values underlying our character traits that can guide us.

On the stage of life, values are the casting directors and character traits are the performers. You don’t use the same performer for every role, so the casting director has to use the best performer for each role to drive the point home.

“Accommodating” will not likely be cast when the role calls for “advocating.” Luckily, we each have a whole cast of character traits backstage. But how do you know which trait fits the bill?

Here are some steps to take when you feel like your strengths no longer serve you:

1. Think of a character strength that has also become a weakness for you.

In my case it was “helping.” Helping had center stage for a while, but was getting booed off.

2. Consider: What are the values that underlie that trait? Why do you have that trait?

In my example of “helping,” the underlying values are community, equity, and compassion, to name a few.

3. Think about the ways in which this trait has not served you, and how does that violate the underlying values? In other words, when this trait causes more harm than good, how does the harm go against what’s really important to you?

In my case, helping became something I did to the detriment of my own emotional health, sometimes allowing others to take advantage of me. That certainly violated my values of community, equity, and compassion (toward myself).

When “helping” no longer suited the role, it was time to choose another player.

4. As you move about your world, focus on the “why” of your traits—the underlying values.

When you begin to notice that these traits are not serving you, shift gears to maintain your values. To do this, you may fall back on another strength.

For example, in my case, when I felt like my helping is breaking the flow of community, becoming inequitable, or lacking in compassion toward myself, I reined it in and used a different character strength (perhaps assertive communication or intentional self-care) that best fitted the role.

BTW, this technique can work with all of your strengths: loyalty, trust, enthusiasm, flexibility. When they are not serving you, it may be time to bring another strength into the spotlight, so as not to sabotage your intentions.

5. Once you feel comfortable with that, consider this: Your “weaknesses” may be hidden strengths, waiting in the wings for their turn in the spotlight.

Take some time to think about the “why's" behind them. What values do they express? What purpose do they serve? What role could they play?

Your conflict avoidance may reflect your value of “peace,” but may leave you feeling emotionally stuck.

Your procrastination may reflect your value of “spontaneity,” but may leave you feeling ineffective.

How might you use these traits to serve you? Or how might the underlying value be better expressed? Perhaps the director wants to pull “conflict avoidance” from the stage and put “mediation” out there instead.

It is possible to use all of our traits as strengths, if we are mindful of them and purposeful in their use.

I didn’t abandon my trait of “helping.” In fact, as an executive and business coach, I made a career out of it. But it remains a strength because I now use it only to the extent that it promotes my personal values.

When you feel like the play is falling apart, let the casting directors re-think the cast, and draw on the ample strengths backstage.

More on weakness traits, tomorrow...

Strength in Leardership - Part 2

It is clear, the object is to be of help when called upon, be it a professional or personal nature. As in the case of personal, there are often times when a friend calls for help and the help comes in the form of silence and simply standing by the friend rather than any particular action. In this way the life lesson is very much that of the person in need, except, they also have the love of a friend standing next to them, in support of whatever the choice becomes.

My statement earlier that I did not want to let my friend down pertained more to a need to the importance of that relationship, as clearly we both treasured it. I wanted to convey that our friendship means a lot to me. Also I wanted to let her know that she could count on my strength, in whatever form it may take. Sometimes it has been a silent presence, just holding her hand and other times it is throwing a mirror up to her face (metaphorically speaking), showing her the harsh reality of life. I would not abandon her in her time of need.

In my view, however, all we can really do for someone in need is evaluate the best course of action, take it with dedication and commitment even if it is in silent support no matter who makes the ultimate decision or what comes out of it. At the core of this is then trust and the trust between real friends is indeed mighty.

 

Secondly, about this being a life lesson and an opportunity for her to grow... In fact, we have now reached the ‘tough love’ phase where I am kicking her butt to get in gear and start living again instead of just surviving. She needs this in order to be strong and truly live again. I can see her pain and suffering today though and that is tough to watch. I have gone through what I termed ‘a living nightmare’, and I would have gladly avoided the experience at the time even if it meant losing out on the life lessons learned. Using the term unfortunately just means she has to do it, and I can’t lie to her and tell her it will be easy. Sometimes life is just hard and that is the unfortunate part. There will come a time, probably a few years from now, where she will look back and know she grew and became a stronger person because of her crisis, but that day is not today.

I think, a dialogue like this is very valuable for us all to learn and grow ourselves.

Strength in Leadership

When referring to Leadership, there is an inherent expectation of strength. In regards to teams, the leader of the team is the one to provide the guidance and the power when necessary. What about those times when it is not formal Leadership? 

For example, a friend calls who is in crisis and needs help. You are a friend, peer, and equal with this person; although at that moment, you are subconsciously lifted into a position of leadership. How do you handle that type of situation? This recently happened with me, so I am writing from a personal perspective. A friend needed help, and I was the one she asked for support. I did not think about it at that moment, but looking back, I am so honored and humbled that she would think of me in that time of crisis. Her comment was I would provide strength. My response was that I would not let her down. (Why is it that I would not let her down?) This scenario led me to think about sharing on the topic of strength.

 

We look for Leadership in not only our professional life but, we need it in our personal lives as well. When we have the honor of being able to help and support others, we are de-facto  leaders in their lives, which is not a responsibility to be taken lightly, although it is different than being a team leader. Leadership in this context has to be much more influential and subtle. The truth is, people can and will do what they choose to do.

This is a big point – while I am going to be the solid, dependable, constant friend, I cannot take on her burden for her; unfortunately, it is hers to handle. (Can we change this word 'unfortunate' to 'fortunate'? After all, here is an opportunity for my friend to grow and learn from adversity. Why deprive her of a valuable life lesson?) I think we try to assume too much during some of these situations, which can lead to disaster for all parties. We, as leaders in others’ lives, especially during crisis times, can only provide advice and support to help our friends walk down their own path in life. In my opinion, part of being in a friendship is our willingness to be there as that support and provide that strength for others when they cannot do it themselves.

I would like to hear your thoughts on some of the questions in italics that were listed above in parenthesis. Please join me tomorrow, when I'll post my additional analysis on this.

Amygdala Hijacks – Part 3

I am sure you have heard many stories of people performing superhuman feats when in life-threatening situations. Known as the ‘fight or flight’ response and first described by American psychologist Walter Bradford as long ago as 1915, it is basically the activation of our brain’s automated survival mode. Here is how it works:

Your brain’s most important function is to keep you alive. It does so by regulating your heart rate, body temperature and a myriad other physiological functions but also by constantly scanning the environment for possible threats and rewards. What we refer to as our ‘senses’ is in fact a finely tuned network of nerves connecting our brains with our ears, eyes, nose, lips/tongue, skin, and rest of our body parts via the spinal cord. Sensory nerves continuously gather information from the environment and then send it back to the central nervous system where it is assessed for possible threats or rewards. So, as you walk through any unfamiliar surroundings, your brains are already on high alert, even if your travel-weary minds are not consciously aware of this.

When a threatening event suddenly appears, your brain’s limbic systems (the amygdala, in particular) responds in a fraction of a second by activating the sympathetic nervous system which causes a release of hormones such as adrenaline and noradrenaline which in turn ‘supercharge’ them to either fight or flee for survival. As part of this process your heart rate and blood pressure increase, breathing accelerates, pupils dilate, and blood vessels in many parts of your body become constricted to force more blood into the larger muscles where the blood vessels become dilated for better performance. The result: in fully automated “flee” mode you turn around and probably run faster than ever before to reach the safety.

Scanning the Social Jungle

So, what’s new and what does outrunning a startled wild animal have to do with the majority of the world’s population whose only contact ever with predators are on Discovery Channel or in the zoological Parks? Quite a bit – one of the most significant findings in neuroscience research over the last couple of years has been that the same automated neural responses which are activated when we face a physical threat such as an alligator or lion are also activated in social situations. Your brain is not only constantly scanning the physical environment for possible threats, it is also closely monitoring the social environment – wherever you are interacting with other people. When you are enjoying supper with the family; supporting your child at a sporting event; working out at the gym; or trying to hold your own during a meeting at work – the behavior of those around you is closely scrutinized and any perceived threat can trigger the fight or flight response in your brain.

What makes it worse is that threat responses have a greater impact and are far more powerful and easier to trigger than reward responses. In other words, we experience negative interactions with other people much more intensely than positive interactions of similar magnitude. So, when you are in a meeting and you tell someone that they are not performing as expected, the negative impact of that criticism is much greater than the positive impact when, for instance, you thank someone for a job well done. What this amounts to is that our negative interactions can trigger automated ‘fight or flight’ responses at any time and in any place.

Fewer Resources for Clear Thinking

Why is this so bad? In a time when, more than ever before in history we need people to be engaged and motivated and creative in order to give us the competitive edge, fight or flight responses can be a serious detriment to a group or an individual’s success. While a sarcastic remark from a colleague or a scowling manager would hardly send most of us running back to our cubicles, an activated fight or flight mode does have a severely negative impact on our ability to perform. When the brain senses a threat, even in the office, it allocates more of its resources such as glucose and oxygen to the muscles and parts of the body needed to fight or flee (resulting in the same physiological changes as described earlier). As a result, the Prefrontal Cortex – the part of the brain where conscious thought takes place - our ‘working memory’ – receives less resources and its working is thereby impaired (this effect could last for up to four hours after the threat-incident). When our brains are in this threat-induced ‘limp mode’, it severely impairs our ability to:

§  solve problems;

§  make decisions;

§  think creatively;

§  focus your attention;

§  discern between right and wrong;

§  memorize information;

§  recall information;

§  communicate effectively;

§  collaborate with others;

§  understand consequences;

§  cope with adversity;

§  correctly interpret other people’s behavior; and

§  inhibit impulses.

Cavemen in Suits and High Heels

The human race has devised technology which has radically transformed the world we live in and will continue to do so for years to come. We have powerful telescopes that can peer into deepest space; we have super computers that can perform complex calculations in the blink of an eye; we travel faster than the speed of sound; we create data at a scale that could never be conceived before; we have access to nearly all the world’s information via the internet; and we can communicate with just about anyone, anywhere, anytime.

However, in spite of these great advancements our brains are still operating much as it did thousands of years ago when it had to protect us from wild animals. Just how primitive our brains still are in this regard is illustrated by a study in 2011 which found that even when people look at pictures of animals, specific parts of the amygdala respond almost instantly. So, while we are living in this high-tech world of miracles and wonder, our brains are still pretty much in the cave, trying to keep us alive not only by responding to real physical threats, but also to perceived sharks and grizzly bears in the social environment.

The Price of Your Roar

From the brain’s perspective, workplaces become ‘enemy territory’ if leaders or co-workers behave in a way that trigger constant threats. In such conditions, people are simply not able to perform at their best. Over time they become chronically stressed (an enduring fight or flight condition) and as a result even more sensitive to perceived threats. Thus a negative snowball-effect is created where critical success factors such as job satisfaction, trust, motivation, engagement, productivity and the overall well-being of individuals all diminish as their brains are constantly engaged in a fight for survival. The cost in terms of results and revenue could be considerable.

Here is the best part: It is true that when faced with a perceived threat (even non-physical threats) the brain reacts PHYSICALLY and shuts a lot of thinking (preparing the body to do battle); however, the brain also does the exact opposite when it perceives an opportunity and lights up the brain, releasing "feel-good" neuro-peptides and increasing brain function.

As leaders, understanding this gives us the opportunity to change our behavior in order to minimize the negative effect that it might have on those around us. While changing behavior is often difficult, neuroscience research is showing that rewiring our brains and changing our behavior is indeed possible. By practicing the principles of neuroscience in combination with the Quantum Physics of Beliefs, we can stop being the predators which others run away from, and instead become the catalysts of positive engagement.

Understanding how people’s behavior and our interactions in the social environment impacts our neurological processes is also a powerful starting point to manage our own brains and minimize negative responses such as stress, anxiety, emotional thinking and aggression. (Please read my other blog posts for some practical tips on how to practice these principles.)

Now, here's the REALLY interesting thing... we have found that the axiological (HVP/VQ) Personality Profile identifies exactly which way(s) of thinking are likely to perceive things predominantly as threats and which ones will see opportunities. Then, we can teach people how to shift their perspective from threat to opportunity in a heartbeat. This is even beyond Emotional Intelligence.

Knowing what the brain is doing is good. Being able to willfully change how you think is even better. The power of neuro-axiology lies in giving people the ability to transform themselves in an instant, rather than having to either release or suppress the stress. It empowers people to shift perspectives and go from stressed to blessed in a heartbeat.

In our daily lives, we connect with our stakeholders, processes, and polices with every transactions. We know what can be done better and what frustrates our shareholders and how we can improve the customer experience. Even so, we work for hierarchical organizations and although we say that titles don't matter, they matter from a fear perspective. We have many leaders that lead from a more traditional (and antiquated) management style - controlling, monitoring, delegating, etc. Our leaders don't realize that they are leading from a perspective that creates 'fight or flight' responses for their employees and our employees revert back to the safe mode of just doing what they are told. Although the fear response leaders evoke from their followers is unintentional, I believe that this article may help raise a great question for today's leaders, "Rather than trying too hard to change those around me, maybe it's my behaviors I need to change to create a safe environment in which my followers can change."

Namaste!