Self Esteem and Self Improvement

For this week’s blog, I started writing about ‘inspiring others by self improvement’ and half-way thru the article, I made the following statement: “Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement.” Then it got me realize that I never said anything about my own story on how I overcame my failures and reached the state where I am now. So, I decided that’s what I’ll do for this week and finish posting the other article for next week.

Here it goes ... my own self improvement process. Not too many years ago, I was going through a dark time in my life. I was broke - financially, personally, socially - even spiritually. In describing it to someone once, I said, "I had the self esteem of a dead skunk." That might have been overstating it a bit but not much!

My life - and my confidence - is much better today, MUCH better.


So what’s changed? Was it outward circumstances? Did my environment change and with it my inner experience? No.


Somehow I knew that any changes would have to be from me. It would be an inner transformation that would eventually alter the outward experience.


Some of the things I did unconsciously. Others were done with deliberation and coaching.

First and foremost, I removed myself from people who had been particularly critical. By distancing myself from this criticism, I was able to gain a better perspective. I was perfectly capable of taking my own inventory and didn't need someone else pointing out my errors and keeping me focused on my shortcomings.

I immersed myself in good books - books of inspiration, books that increased my belief and books that gave me hope. And hope was severely lacking.

I made a conscious effort to focus on my strengths: my talents, my experience and my knowledge. I didn't allow myself to indulge in negative thoughts. When I found myself musing about something less than "uplifting", I would redirect myself to something else. I gave myself no permission to have "pity parties."

Thomas Carlyle wrote, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what clearly lies at hand." I kept busy. I did what appeared to me as needing doing. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it. The future was uncertain and for the first time in my life I didn't have a plan. Like the AA program, I took one day at a time.

And each day I did what I could to clean up my messes, make things better, keep my focus forward instead of backward and keep the faith.


One of the biggest awareness' I had during these dark times was that I WAS NOT my feelings. I HAD feelings, but they were not me. I also realized that I had cared too much about the opinions of others. I still care; I just don't let it run me like it used to.


Some people believe that if you feel good about yourself, you'll do great things. That may be true, but I also believe that if you do great things, you'll feel good about yourself - and then do even greater things.


Taking these steps consistently over a period of months has enabled me to rebuild my finances, establish a career I'm excited about, develop a loving and nurturing relationship with my family and, most importantly, restore and improve upon my self esteem. I'm grateful for the process. 


Self-esteem is an upward or downward spiral. What you do affects the way you feel. How you feel affects the things you do. The things you do affect what you and others think of you, which in turn, affect how you feel about yourself.


You're either building yourself up or tearing yourself down. There is no status quo when it comes to your self-image.


Let’s recollect some Winnie the Pooh characters … Eeyore has no self esteem, he expects things to go wrong and they usually do. Tigger, on the other hand, bounces through life, always hopeful, always on an adventure, even when his friends try to pull him down; he just sees the bouncy side of things. He exasperates those who need total order, or control. Tigger is truly, just Tigger. He loves his friends just as they are and even the busy but important old Rabbit can’t dampen his spirits. I love Tigger, though I certainly have had my Eeyore moments! If you get a chance, read some of the Pooh books.

See who you identify with and who irritates you … This week try and be aware of the times you feel uncomfortable, depressed, discouraged, irritated, frustrated, out of control, or the flip side, very independent, self sufficient, (don’t need any one else, I will do it myself, no one else can do it right), opinionated, critical, positional … and ask yourself, where am I not valuing myself? 


Start a journal. Keep track, start to be responsible for your life and yourself, find creative intuitive ways to make changes, your inner self knows what it needs. Read a book on self improvement - get this FREE e-Book now, take a class, find a support group, get a Coach!! 

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Is Listening a crucial component of your Leadership?

In my previous blog, I wrote about how important developing good listening skills are. Nearly every aspect of human life could be improved by better listening -- from family matters to corporate business affairs to international relations. Obviously there's a great deal more to being an effective leader than merely being "in charge."

Listening is a major element of a positive leadership strategy to maximize employee performance. If your leadership, either formal or informal, is important to you, ask yourself the following:

• Do I pay much attention to listening? Am I paying much closer attention to what I am hearing, so that I do not drift away from it?
• Do I ever "replay" conversations afterwards and think about whether or not I listened well? Am I internalizing the meaning of the words that are spoken?
• What do I have to do to sharpen my listening skills? Am I getting better at listening? Am I listening full-force both when others speak to me and when I speak to them?
• Do I make a deliberate effort (once a day...even once a week?) to practice empathic listening in order to get better at it? When was the last time I had an "AHA!" moment and finally got what was on somebody's mind?
• Have I sought 360-degree feedback from co-workers, employees, bosses, clients, and suppliers? Was it recent enough to make it relevant feedback for the current situations and people I'm working with? Have I gained their trust that they can freely express their opinions?
• Have I worked with a coach to help me listen to myself, listen to the people I work with, and figure out ways I can improve on my leadership skills under the present circumstances?

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya ats6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Effective Uses of Listening Skills

Here is a five-step process for learning better leadership skills. These steps focus primarily on listening skills, once again requiring both listening to oneself and to others (including through self-awareness, empathic listening, 360 feedbacks, and coaching).

Step one is identifying one's ideal self, which is to say, uncovering and listening to one's core values and beliefs to draw a picture of the person one aspires to be. What's important to me? What am I passionate about? What does my "gut" say to me?

Step two is identifying the real self, which is to say, discovering how one appears to others, regardless of how one sees one's self. (For the uninitiated: people who have tried this sometimes find the two views startlingly different.) This is done by listening to one's self (self awareness) and others (empathy) to gauge the effect one is having, as well as through coaching and 360 feedback from peers, subordinates, supervisors, customers, and others.

Comparing one's ideal self to one's real self is a powerful tool because it helps identify strengths (where one is as capable in areas as one expected to be) and gaps (where one isn't as effective as one desires to be). For example, a manager might think that he is strong in both listening and in follow-through, while the people the manager works with might find him strong in listening but desire improvement in his follow-through.

Step three is to make a plan to build on strengths and reduce gaps. One obviously needn't be strong in every area - realistically, no one is - but one may choose to improve in respects that one considers important.

Step four is to experiment deliberately with and practice new skills (thinking out-of-the-box i.e., attitude) to bring about change according to one's step three, plan.

Step five - should take place concurrently with steps one through four - is to develop trusting, encouraging relationships (behavior) that provide support during the learning process.

In summary, advanced listening techniques, both listening to oneself and to others are essential to learning to become, and being, an effective leader.

How do you use your listening skills? Have you been successful in those efforts? How can I be of help to you?

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

Easy Ways to Get Self Motivated

People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents. ~ Andrew Carnegie

Now that summer is here, I thought that we could all use a little dose of self motivation. It’s not always easy to be motivated to get your work done, even long time entrepreneurs sometimes tend to get either bored or lack self motivation to get their own work done.

So, I figured I’d share some ways to increase and grow our self motivation.

While self-motivation is a simple concept, we all know that it’s one of the hardest things to attain.  Despite purely good intentions, most of us are better at slacking off than getting motivated.  But, no matter what your attention span it is possible for you to motivate yourself and reach your goals; you just need to follow a few simple steps.

Know what you’re doing

A to-do list is nice to have to help you get things done, but it doesn’t do much to help you stay motivated.  Before you can make your to-do list, you need to set goals and priorities.  They may be short term like “finish this project to attain more work” or more general like “increase workload to attain promotion”.  If you give yourself a goal or vision to work for, you’re going to be more motivated to finish things than if you’re simply completing tasks.

Stay positive

A positive attitude can go a long way.  People have probably told you this over and over, but you’re still not inclined to believe it.  Take a little extra time each day to remind yourself of your accomplishments.  It is also a good idea to try to surround yourself with positive and encouraging people.  If you don’t have any at work, find positive and encouraging statements from successful people and post them around your office.

Set mini-goals

Finishing a project can be a daunting task.  If it’s a large amount of work, you’re likely to look at it, get overwhelmed, and give up or put it off before you even get started.  An easier way to accomplish a project is to break it up into smaller tasks.  This way you’ll be looking at a bunch of small goals instead of one great big one.  While it’s the same amount of work, it helps to keep you from getting overwhelmed.  Plus, each time you accomplish one of your tasks, you’ll feel successful and motivated to keep trekking on through the rest.

Reward yourself

To help keep yourself going, set up rewards for each task you complete.  They don’t have to be anything big; they could be going to see a movie over the weekend or spending 15 minutes on the phone with a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.  It’s just something positive to help encourage you.  You can also set small rewards for your mini goals and have a large reward for when you finish a large project.

Have a backup

While we may have the best of intentions, most of us really aren’t that good at sticking with our self-motivating methods.  If this seems like you, you may be in need of some backup.  This is a friend, co-worker, or associate – anyone who is dependable and trustworthy.  Let them know what your goals are (and even your rewards) and set up a plan for them to check up on you.

It could be as simple as giving you a call to see how much you’ve gotten done, or maybe have them be the keeper of some reward and administer it when you reach your goal.  This way, if your resolution wavers, you’ll have someone else there to help out.

Do you have a backup? I'd be happy to if you want my help.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya ats6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.

What Do You Need to Change Your Behavior?

We’ve all had those times when we were bad. And not the “I didn’t know so it’s not my fault” kind of bad, but the “fully aware, self-justified” kind of bad.

Why do we do things that we…

• Know are bad for us? For example, eating cheesy puffs.  (I personally deny having a cheesy puff problem. I only eat cheesy puffs socially… most of the time).
• Really don’t want to do? Every time I eat cheesy puffs I realize that they don’t taste good. In fact they remind me of orange colored Styrofoam and yet on occasion I indulge – why?

Why don’t we do things that we know we should be doing?

Not only do we do things that we know we shouldn’t be doing, we avoid things that we know we should be doing. Exercise, for example.

I’d say everybody in the free world knows they should exercise (never mind the exact type) and I’m sure many really mean to (or intend) to exercise, but don’t.

Is it because it takes too much time? Maybe they don’t have the time, but there are way too many people watching reality TV to say there is a shortage of time for the average person.

So what’s the problem?

What do we need to do to change our behavior?

Maybe we need a plan.

One theory, “theory of planned behavior” says that intent (or purpose) is enough to change behavior. In this case, our intention is explicit, which then generates behaviorally oriented decisions. This means we have a set of goals that we intend to reach by acting a certain way. We plan to do something on purpose.

For example: I want to lose 10 pounds in the next two months by following healthy nutritious food habits and exercising 5 hours a week.

I have a goal – check.

I have a plan – check.

I have all the intention I need.

So now I am off to be successful! Right! Right?

While intention is really important, there is another piece to the theory of planned behavior: perceived behavioral control.

Are we in control of our behavior?

The first thing we need is the intent to exercise – with the goal and plan in place.

Then we need to think that we can control our behavior. Once we have our goal and our plan we need to BELIEVE that we can do it.

Psychologists have even put a number on how much perceived behavior control matters in intention: 45% of behavioral variance can be predicted by our belief that we have control.

Whether we actually have control doesn’t matter – assuming we are not locked up 24 hours a day in a room so small we are actually unable to exercise. Whether we think we control our behavior is what matters.

So far we need:

·        A goal

·        A plan

·        The perception we control our behavior

With all this I must be exercising! Right! Right?

While this psychological model of theory of planned behavior does show that all these factors contribute to whether or not we will actually do the behavior (exercise for example) it’s not that good.

But what else could matter?

·        Attitude.

·       Subjective norms – the way each participant’s close social network (i.e. family and good friends) felt about the participant’s goals.

·        Perceived behavioral control.

·        Intention.

·        Emotion. Research shows that intentions to participate in exercise (physical activity) didn’t always lead to exercise. This gap between what people intend to do and their behavior has been called the “intention-behavior gap” - emotion is the missing link in modifying behavior.

Results

After analyzing the different measures it turns out that attitude, subjective norms and perceived behavior control all impacted intention. Intention impacts how long it takes and whether we realize our goals.

But there is more ... emotion matters. Emotion toward intent to achieve goals matters. Emotion also impacts intention.

Bottom line

What does this mean to you?

To give yourself the best chance in changing your lifestyle and behavior you need:

• Intention – with a goal and plan in place.
• Have a positive attitude toward the goal you intend to realize.
• Surround yourself with people who approve and believe in what you are trying to do. Or avoid discussing the topic with people you know are unsupportive.
• Believe that you are capable. Yes, you can!
• Have a positive attitude toward your intent to change your behavior and attitude. Believe in the goal and the plan.

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Surya M Ganduri, PhD. PMP. is the founder and president of eMBC, Inc., an international firm specializing in strategic and executive leadership development processes that Help People Succeed in an Evolving World. His company is dedicated to helping organizations and individuals manage strategic change, innovation, cultural transition, and goal achievement. Surya has over 26 years of business experience in management consulting, leadership development, executive coaching, process improvements, organizational development and youth leadership. Contact Surya at s6ganduri@eMBCinc.com. For more information, visit www.eMBCinc.com or contact eMBC, Inc., directly at (630) 445-1321.