How the Brain Works to Make Decisions

This is a really good book if you have got the same interest as I in how the brain works to make decisions: How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009).

Here’s what I have learned about the duel between the rational brain and the emotional brain, and how it might apply to sales, business communications and influencing people…

There is a flaw in our thinking habits called the framing effect, which is a part of decision biases called loss aversion. It explains why people are much more likely to buy meat when it’s labeled 85 percent lean instead of 15 percent fat. Also, why twice as many patients opt for surgery when told there’s an 80 percent chance of survival as opposed to a 20 percent chance of dying.

Neuroscientists hooked people up to an fMRI (functional MRI) imaging machine to look at which parts of their brains lit up while making gambling decisions. Here was the gambling game they asked them to play:

Imagine that you are playing a simple game whereby you are given $50 and asked to decide between two options:

1.     All-or-nothing gamble, in which the odds are 40% you will keep the entire $50, and 60% that you will lose everything.

2.     A sure-thing: if you choose this option you get to keep $20.

If you are like most people, you take the 2nd option, the sure $20. Next, they asked people to play the game again. The risky gamble hasn’t changed, but here are the options that are offered:

1.     All-or-nothing gamble, 40% chance of keeping entire $50, and 60% chance lose it all.

2.     Sure thing: but it’s framed as a loss of $30 instead of a gain of $20.

These two gambles are the same, they are just framed differently. In both cases, you walk away with $20 of the original $50. But the different descriptions strongly affect how people play the game.

When the choice is framed in terms of gaining $20, only 42% chose the risky gamble. When it was framed in terms of losing $30, 62% of people opted to roll the dice.

What is interesting here is that they were able to see in the brain: those people whose gambling decisions were influenced by the prospect of losing $30 were misled by an excited amygdala, part of the emotional brain that evokes negative feelings. Whenever a person thinks about loss, the amygdala is activated.

But the others who were not swayed by the framing effect also had activated amygdala, they also experienced negative feelings. They were able to look past their feelings and realize that the options were the same.

What made the difference? They had more elevated activity in the pre-frontal cortex, the rational brain. These people were able to feel their feelings, and choose to ignore them. They were able to make better gambling decisions because they regulated their negative emotions.

How do you regulate your emotional brain so that you can make more rational decisions? Awareness. By simply being aware that our emotional brain is sending negative feelings, we can decide to ignore it. The ability to become aware of our brain’s processes is called metacognition, and it’s a skill that can be developed.

We know when we are angry. Every emotion comes with the ability to think about it, to label it, to try to figure out why we are feeling it. Sometimes a feeling may make no sense, as in the case of this gambling game. We can deliberately choose to ignore the emotional brain.

The question is when to ignore it and when to pay attention to it. We don’t always know or take the time for it. And because emotions can also help us make better decisions, the key is being able to discern.

The Astonishing Power of Gratitude

I was gratified by the overwhelming response to my recent Roundtable Discussion on the Astonishing Power of Gratitude held on Feb 28, 2011. At the end of the discussion, I requested my distinguished guests to send me any further thoughts that they were not able to share with the group due to lack of time (the discussion already was carried on for 30 minutes beyond the original schedule) or other reasons. One of the responses that I received was from Charles Prabakar, whom I had known for quite some time as a business colleague when we both worked for a big corporation several years ago. He still works in the corporate world as an Executive Global Partner and a Strategy Consultant.

Referring to the Gratitude as a high positive vibrational energy, Charles commented that whatever we may call it – energy, passion, matter and/or value – and in a way they all mean the same thing if you look at the universe within the context of Einstein’s vantage point that it all boils down to managing that energy whether it be external facing and/or internal facing. In this blog, I want to share the rest of his thoughts (he writes his own blog that I enjoy reading regularly and he is now appearing here as a guest writer) where he summarized the discussion that we had along with some of his stories derived from the three major spiritual works (or religions) of the world. So, here he goes…

First of all, I appreciate you taking the effort to organize a webinar on the topic of – POWER OF GRATITUDE, an important topic, that is often overlooked! The points you covered, especially within the context of good and evil – and how to overcome evil with goodness – using the power of FORGIVENESS is truly outstanding! As you rightly said, first and foremost – forgiveness is for our own good, and so, when we get that part correct, in our heads – there is lot more motivation on our end, to initiate the forgiveness process. However, the duration and intensity of the process varies from person to person (& situation to situation as well) – depending upon the degree of hurt and/or the pain caused by the other party.

If I might add one more thing to your point (you probably already covered it as the conference call line was disturbed a lot) – this is where, we have to show empathy and put ourselves in other person’s shoes and see why he/she might have caused the hurt. This type of introspection, I have seen opening many doors for forgiveness and then reconciliation. What I have learned in the process is – in most cases, the hurt is caused by mere “MISUNDERSTANDING/MISINTERPRETATION” of certain events – and the sad part is that people continue to carry these misunderstandings for years, because both parties fail to create a conducive and open/honest environment to listen and understand each other point of views. Failing to create such an open forum- invariably results in more misunderstandings (as one misunderstanding leads to the other) – and from that point onwards, both parties start misinterpreting even the good actions of each other. The reason for that misinterpretation is – these misunderstandings are furthered fueled by – blind beliefs in hearsays (e.g. he said, she said like stories) and cover-up attempts without properly checking the facts. Let us all remember the saying – what we hear may not necessarily true, what we see may not necessarily true, through verification of the facts within its context is what brings out the truth –as echoed by President Nixon in his famous quote– “Trust, but verify!”.

Speaking of this facts verification process, I am reminded of the old sheep story – where we put a stick in front of a sheep, first one will jump, the second one will follow the suit and then the third one does the same. Now if we take the stick off, the rest of the sheeps invariably will jump, exactly, in the same place where the stick was held (even though stick was taken off). Funny story, but scientifically proven one. I guess, we humans in some cases (especially when we are hurt and participate in blindly believing environment of gossiping), behave like those sheeps – and let misunderstandings/false information carry from person to person – without giving the opportunity for the other person to explain his/her point of views. As the saying goes –“even someone in death row gets a chance to explain their point of view and so let us, at a minimum, listen to each other point of views”. I am sure, I am preaching to the choir as you are expert in this area.

Now to your point regarding overcoming hurts (or evil deeds) with goodness/positive attitude – there are few examples in the scriptures of both east and west – of how great people of yester years have overcome hurts and injustice. For example, in Ramayana, Ram had to go through 14 years of exile because of the promise made by his Father Dasharat to one Kaykeyi – as part of her behest to crown her son Bharat. At that point perhaps it was an injustice (or one can call it hurt), but in grand scheme of things – it worked out good for Ram, from the standpoint of living and fulfilling his theological ethics –as during exile is where, he gets to know Hanuman, and together they fight one of the greatest justice wars to bring justice. Had he got gone on exile, all the great things perhaps may not have happened in his life. So in most cases, God uses an exile and/or unjust situation for a larger cause.

Another example I can quote from bible/torah is the story of Joseph – “Being sold to foreigners in exile, wrongly accused – still Joseph did not murmur, kept believing. An insight from his life is – when he was already on his rock bottom (i.e. in exile), God allows another blow (imprisonment for the things he did not do). On the outset we might be wondering why. However, God had a larger purpose – Had he not gone on exile, he would not have met the Butler – and had he not met the butler, he would not have interpreted the dreams for the butler – and, had he not interpreted the dreams for butler, he would not have had the opportunity to interpret the dreams for the King which finally gave him the opportunity to get elevated. I guess when we take the positive attitude – every setback is a stepping stone for a success – and that mindset changes the whole perspective of hurt!

Yet another quote from Quran – Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds, and, when they are angry even then forgive; ……The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto in degree: but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due, from God … But indeed if any show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.”

On closing – the moral of these stories /quotes (including your webinar) in nutshell is “overcome evil with goodness”. As it turns out, the reason we celebrate Festival of Light (Dewali) is to remembering the event where – evil was won with goodness – and so, let us all strive towards winning evil with goodness in our personal lives – and celebrate next Dewali – with a full realization of its meaning! — Charles Prabaker.

Please feel free to comment here or send your suggestions, thoughts etc via email.

We Don’t Need to Manage our Time Better

One of the most commonly shared and seriously flawed beliefs is that simply spending time on something will generate positive results. If you buy into this premise, then you’re probably rushed much of the time.

On the other hand, high-quality, focused energy is essential to achieving results. Just putting in hours is NOT the point.

We don’t need to manage our time better; we need to manage our energy and focus. And to do that, we need to pay attention to something else… something much more fundamental: the stories we tell ourselves.

As Performance Psychologist Jim Loehr writes in The Power of Story (Free Press, 2007), “…the key to almost all of our problems, more fundamental even than poor energy management, is faulty storytelling, because it’s storytelling that drives the way we gather and spend our energy.”

Think about the last time you said, “I am exhausted.” I’ll bet you tell yourself a story about why you’re tired. You probably don’t even think about this story. But I’ll bet it contributes to why you are tired.

In other words, you may be justifying or blaming, or feeling sorry for yourself in some way.

I’m not saying you are wrong or lying. Bear with me here. What if you changed your story?

What if instead of looking at your reasons for being tired, you looked at yourself as a superhero, or a super athlete… and made up a different story? You can tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel differently.

Stories are the way we generate energy, and they are also the way we excuse ourselves from doing things we don’t think we should have to do.

The human brain is wired to make up stories, no matter what. It’s the way we make sense of our world, which can be complex, ambiguous, and abstract.  Unconsciously, we look for an explanation of why things happen to us.

As long as we are making up stories to explain our reality, we usually cast ourselves as the “good guy.” Sometimes that serves us well, but other times we’d be better off looking at what we could do better. Without casting ourselves as inadequate or deficient, our stories could inspire us to take action.

As authors of our own stories, as long as we are making things up, we may as well make our stories as inspiring as possible.

Grateful for what you already have

Gratefulness is the lifeblood of soul consciousness and the only antidote for the self-inflicted poison of self pity, resentment and unworthiness. Life is meant to be celebrated ~ and it is when we become grateful for what we already do have versus resentful for what we don't have.

These are difficult times in the world and it's impossible at times to see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of the worldwide economic depression, the gulf oil disaster and the violent shootings in Arizona and elsewhere. It's easy to get out of the moment and into the future in terms of impending personal financial doom or worldwide doom for that matter.

Fear can obliterate all hope and reason ~ and love and gratitude can be easily smothered in the process under a blanket of unworthiness, resentment and self pity.

That's why Gratitude is so important, as it brings us back to what is essentially important ~ ourselves, our loved ones and our unique worthiness as human beings ~ because the people we are most grateful to are usually people who have loved us.

When we start celebrating these gifts from a place of true gratitude ~ we begin to transcend fear and, as such, open the door to new possibilities and direction. We are then no longer paralyzed by self pity, resentment and unworthiness and are open to the guiding light at the end of the tunnel ~ love, joy.

Please join me on Monday Jan 31, 2011 for a Roundtable discussion on the power of gratitude with other like minded individuals.

Now enjoy this short video clip on The Power of Gratitude

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jF6u4GJQ-U

Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them

To forgive is not to forget. Forgetting is not hard. All you need is a bad memory or to treat the incident as insignificant. But to forgive is to make a new beginning, to start all over again with the person who caused you pain. It does not take away the hurt nor does it erase the past injury. It merely ceases to obstruct the path of a new beginning. To forgive you don't have to aggravate the guilt and squeeze the soul of the person. By forgiving you can walk together into the future.

In the Bhagavad Geetha (chapter 12), Lord Krishna describes 35 qualities of a devotee; one of them is a forgiving nature. Learn to forgive. Having forgiven another, what really happens?

The rancor, the anger within, which was eating the vitals, is automatically washed and cleaned. It purifies the system. You become 24-carat gold, soft, yet solid and shining. Mark Twain captures this quality when he writes: "Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violets release as the foot crushes them."

Epictetus said more than 2,000 years ago: "It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it. Your hurts comes from not what others did to you, but from what you choose to do with their actions. If you change your attitude about the hurt, you will soon find your victim status eliminated."

Here is a short video clip: The Gift of Forgiveness  Enjoy!

The Wisdom of Feelings

Have you ever had a dream like this? SOMETHING IS CHASING YOU. It's terrifying. You run from it. You would do anything to make it go away. All you know is this is some unnamed, unknown beast.

In a dream like that it feels logical that the beast is something outside of us, something out to get us.

Imagine for a moment that you turn and face it, asking,”Who are you? What is this all about?” Could you do that? What if I told you the beast is something you created, and it’s not outside of you, IT IS YOU!

Well, it’s true and here is how it happens…

Imagine someone takes in a cute baby Bear as a pet. It is adorable and fuzzy - at first. It delights and entertains them. But as it begins to grow and its wild nature expresses itself, they punish it. They put it in a cage and poke it with a sharp stick to try to keep it under control. And the more they abuse it, the wilder it gets – until it is a ferocious beast.

What we do with our most turbulent emotions is not much different than the story of the wild Bear. We wish we didn’t have some of the emotions that we do have. We don’t want them and would do anything to avoid them, or god forbid, let others see them. So, some of our most secret agreements with ourselves are designed to protect us from emotional pain by creating a cage to keep things under control. Our judgment of our “bad” emotions becomes the sharp stick we unmercifully punish ourselves with inside a prison of our own making.

One bad emotion that we are told to never let anyone see is anger. Often when small children don’t get what they want, they express their disappointment by crying and acting out. This is sometimes uncomfortable for the adults around them and they try to control the behavior of their children.

One of my clients, Angie, said that her mother’s mantra when she was growing up was: “It’s not nice to be angry”, and “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Hearing this repeatedly, coupled with a few good whacks on the rear-end for any outburst, Angie decided that sullen silence and letting them guess what was wrong with her was a better choice than rage.

When Angie got married she was determined to create the family she dreamed of - a group of people around her that loved her no matter what. But as time went on her marriage was a disappointment. She felt her husband should know what she wanted without her having to tell him all the time.

He couldn’t figure her out and began spending more and more time away from home. He didn’t take care of her emotional needs. Her frustration often resulted in her flying off the handle at her children at the slightest provocation.

Angie was ashamed of her behavior. Her outbursts at her children felt horrible. She didn’t want anyone to know about it and she couldn’t understand why she felt so out of control. She dreaded sleeping because her dreams were often filled with monsters in her house that she could not get away from.

After a few of my coaching sessions with helping Angie on her Self Awareness, she realized that the constant suppression of her desire and not asking for what she wanted created resentment. (Please note that I am not a professional Psychologist and it was all Angie’s own self discovery partly guided by the coaching process.) This resentment built up into a seething rage, under wraps most of the time but never-the-less, dangerously close to the surface.

Ignoring it, sulking, punishing her children and then punishing herself only fuelled the fire below. It was expressing itself with her children and it kept her husband emotionally distanced.

When I first met Angie she wasn’t even aware she was angry. In fact, she often parroted the same phrases her mother used -“It’s not nice to be angry”, and “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But her nightmares were getting worse, as well as her relationship with her husband. Her rage was the beast she couldn’t face, ‘the angry Bear in the cage’. She was sure if she opened the door to that cage the beast would surely devour her.

So how do we tame the beast? The secret is in the story of Beauty and the Beast. In that tale, Beauty is at first afraid of the Beast. But, then she courageously faces the Beast without judgment about who he is. She makes the effort to get to know him. As time goes on she discovers respect and love for that which she previously thought to be so hideous. And with her love and persistence, the Beast is magically transformed into a handsome prince.

We can do the same thing with our wild emotions that we label as the beasts in the dungeon, monsters in the closet. The truth is they are crying out for us to notice them.

Our emotions are simply intuition translated into physical feelings that are full of good information about what is happening in the moment. But, over time, we interpret what happened and our beliefs, and the agreements that arise from those beliefs, are often filled with turbulent emotions that have no relevance in this moment.

Our emotions deserve our honor and respect. Let them speak and they will open the channel for change. It is easy to love the good things about ourselves, but real transformation is possible when we begin loving ourselves exactly the way we are. Pamper, cuddle, adore and take care of the beast within. Honor and respect it and let it tell you its story, then see what happens. Imagine a 400-pound Bear as an ally! Powerful, isn’t it?

Strategies for planning a Year of Achievement and Success

Last week I was interviewed by Brad Simkins on his Blog Radio Talk Show. As we enter a New Year, I thought the topic is an appropriate choice to focus upon. So, here is a link to that recording.

Success comes to those people who can manage their time according to their priorities. It is due to the fact that they can finish doing important tasks at a certain period of time without rushing things and without becoming reckless. Thus, coming up with remarkable results is no surprise to them. Time is one of those things that you can never get back. Everyone starts the day with the same amount of time. We all measure time in the same way - minutes, hours, days, weeks and so on. Yet, some people seem to "spin their wheels" while others gain the traction required to accomplish their goals. Many of us set goals at the beginning of a New Year, at our annual performance reviews, or when something major happens, and we want to assess where we are and where we want to go. Yet sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we grind to a halt with these goals. Before we realize it, weeks and months have gone by - and we still haven't achieved the results we wanted. Why is this? After all, we all have the best intentions and the timing (New Year, new start) couldn't be better. The problem may lie in the fact that we place a huge amount of pressure on ourselves. With all the hype and the pressure, it's easy to fail. Learn instead how to set yourself up for success, during this interview. Use the approach that you will learn in this interview, to turn your vision and dreams into reality. And you can give yourself the best chance of successfully achieving your goals and your dreams!

Once again, you can click here to listen to this recording.

Click here to launch and listen to this MP3 recording of the interview

I'd love to hear your thoughts and would be glad to answer any questions that you may have. Namaste!